skewed views of past relationships

have you ever noticed how much people exagerate and embellish when it comes to past relationships? after people break up, so many times they try to act like they never really liked the person they were with anyway, because hell, that person is crazy/stupid/manipulative/exploitive/evil/satan/a bitch/etc.

but really, how many times is the person you were with really crazy/stupid/manipulative/exploitive/evil/satan/a bitch/etc?

not too often. it's just like an excuse for a failed relationship to blame it all on the ex being a psycho. i think that's really messed up and keeps you from healing and possibly bettering yourself after realizing what the problems were.

i guess this comes to mind because my brother is getting married and i know he talks about his ex-girlfriend as being crazy (when she really wasn't, she was just different from him and not the right person for him at all), and then of course how almost every guy i've ever dated has referred to his ex's as psycho, evil, satan even. it's just so unrealistic. i broke up with the last guy i dated about a month and a half ago, and i wonder if he's calling me a crazy psycho bitch now. it's funny to become another person on a list of crazies that you joke about with your friends - but it seems like that's what ex's become. i always found that sad about relationships.

looking back at everyone i've ever dated, there's only ONE person i would say is really just a "bad person" - someone who feels no regrets for harming people, uses people til he can't get anymore out of them, steals, lies, cheats, etc. the rest? well there are definitely ways i could skew it to say that someone was crazy or evil or whatever, but that would be pointless. unless you've really just had one abusive relationship after another (and no, just hurting your feelings by breaking it off with you does not count), it's unlikely that you can call everyone you've ever dated crazy.

just my random opinion for the day

 

I think that doing that is the defense mechanism... simply displacing blame on the other person to help you get over them. Over time though, I think alot of people can realistically re-evaluate their past relationships, and by doing so, learn something valuable from them. I only hold two of my ex's in the "crazy" light... one I think was just having fun with no care of what her actions did, and we've since made up, she's calmed down, and we're good friends now. The other is... well, very complicated. She'd tell you she's crazy, but heaven help you if it's you that accuse her...

That's not to say I didn't learn alot about both myself and how a good relationship should function, though, especially from my relationship with her.

 

true enough

 

hey babe!

this is mick jagger is so hip btw, just have a new user name these days.
I think in many ways, it is part of the healing process to be angry at a former partner for a long time, espeacially if they are the one that ended the relationship. I have found that when I break up with someone I often see a side of them that I havnt noticed previously. I have had one ex who truely was a horrible person, and another who although he isnt turely a bad guy, made a lot of mistakes and didn't know how to work the relationshop properly. He really hurt me and for a long time I thought he was a wanker and it is only recently that I've realised he wasn't a bad person, he just did a lot of things very badly.
I guess its just hard when you have just broken up with someone to sing their praises and so you are nasty about them instead. It is hardly fair, but like I said, I think its part of the healing process.

 

hey glo!! how're you anyway you are so not around very much these days!!

and yeah i guess that really is right, people just hurt and that relieves the pain i guess - it's easier to think someone's a nutjob or a bitch than to think that someone just might not want to work through a relationship problem with you.

i guess i just hate thinking that people i've dated, and had great relationships with that i look back upon fondly, but then you know there were some irreparable problems and we broke up - that those people like despise me just because we're not dating anymore. but oh well i guess

 

I agree that it is a defense mechanism. It displaces blame onto the other.

Anyway, I've always tried my best to keep on good terms with ex's. Granted there have been times when I was bitter and angry, but I always try to remember that I saw something in them, or else I wouldn't have dated them.

I truly feel all my ex's are exceptional people and it just didn't work because of my or her imaturity or us being at different stations in life.

Peace

 

I have had the same thoughts. However, its my own doing for getting in relations I knew from the beginning weren't going to work (and when I say I know, that is I tried to ignore the problems that stood out). I've been on my own for a few years now and am just now getting back into the dating scene. My only wish is for me to remember that I'm not about to ignore my sixth sense's very loud warning bell and just let things happen as they may.

Urby