Hello, This is a really long, confusing and complex story. The summer of 2009 I was going into my sophomore year of high school. I had heard of this girl Sam, who was a senior at a different school, and heard she was pretty cool. I texted her and was trying to be nice, chat about softball maybe. Instead I got hateful and rude responses from her for no reason really. I forgot about her and moved on with my life. A couple months later, in October, I ran into her at my softball game. I noticed she was there, but once she left I didn’t think much of her. She added me on Facebook again, after she had previously deleted me, and I accepted. A few weeks later a girl from her school went missing and I texted her to make sure she was doing okay. She appreciated the text apparently because after softball season I got a message on Facebook from her asking if I had gotten any honors that year. After we had a friendly conversation for a while I logged off and told her she could text me, not expecting her to. A few minutes later I received a text and we casually had a conversation. We ended up talking on the phone for hours and soon I realized how amazing this girl was. She was charming, athletic, cute, funny, stylish, and everything I could’ve wanted. We went on our first date November 9th. We went bowling and then by the lake, then to a park. She kissed me that night and sat in her car talking for hours. The most memorable night I remember is the one where she told me she loved me, even though I didn’t know it. I was hanging out with Sam, my friend Felicia, and my ex-girlfriend Cammie. Sam and I had to play it cool because Cammie didn’t know that I had broken up with her for Sam. I had a little to drink but I was doing fine, until Sam took me outside and told me that she didn’t know if she could be with me. We ended up having a huge emotional argument in the middle of the street at two in the morning, with Sam and I both upset. She got so upset that she had to leave, so she got in her car and before she left she said something that I didn’t quite hear and was too upset to wonder. Once she was gone I broke down and started to freak out because she had left me and I was worried. I got so upset that Felicia had to call Sam and make her come back. Once I saw Sam's car again I felt instant relief but didn’t show it because I was so mad at her. Obviously Sam and I had more than a friendship going on and Cammie saw that. So once I dealt with Cammie, Sam and I talked and things were fine. She told me that she was just scared of being with me because she had so many feelings so soon. It had only been two weeks. The next couple months things went great, so I thought. She came to my basketball games, and I went to hers. She spent nights at my house and even though she lived thirty minutes away, and I didn’t have a car, I still managed to meet up with her at the movies often or she would come see me on the weekends. Things with Sam were going great and I was quickly falling in love with her. Little did I know, that night when she had mumbled something that I didn’t hear she had told me that she loved me. She admitted that after I told her that I loved her a few weeks later. So she said she loved me first. Sam and I fought sometimes, but I always thought it was worth it because I would’ve rather been fighting with her than anyone else. I was madly in love with this girl. I went to the doctor with her, surprised her at her games, and she even gave me her class ring. She would also draw me tons of cute drawings and write me notes all the time. She would write me five page notes saying how much she loved me and how she was so sorry she was ever rude to me when we first met. That she would love me forever, and always. How amazing she thought I was and how happy I made her. It was also hard sometimes because my parents wouldn’t allow me to text in school because I would always get caught. Luckily, my best friend would let me use her phone to talk to Sam. Toward the end of January things got pretty rough. I started feeling like things between Sam and my best friend wasn't just friendship. My best friend let me borrow her phone and I saw a picture of Sam that I knew Sam had to of sent her. I said something and Sam said it would never happen again, but it did. I felt betrayed by my best friend, and hurt by Sam. Come to find out they actually kissed after Sam and I broke up, but from what I know my best friend never actually wanted to be with Sam. We finally broke up. After four months things ended and it was pretty mutual, but we agreed that we were only breaking up for now, not forever. We had struggled the last month because Sam had apparently “fallen out of love with me.” A little while later, after being sick of moping and being upset over Sam, I decided to go on a date. Little did I know, Sam was there and she saw me with the new girl and somehow she found out that I kissed her. I never ended up seeing her that night, but she led me to believe that she hooked up with my ex. I don’t know if it ever happened or not. About a month later Sam started dating the girl I went to the movies with and kissed after Sam and I broke up. I saw Sam a few weeks later at a softball game and she came and talked with me. She showed me her new tongue ring and we had a good time chatting. After she texted me saying, “You know how I said that you’re number one? Well you still are.” My parents ended up divorcing and I moved to a different town, slightly closer to where Sam was from. She called me up one night saying how she needed to talk and was upset. I let her come over and we talked. The next night she came over again, and kissed me. I got so excited at the thought of getting her back, but I was soon disappointed. She broke up with the girl a little after that, they only lasted a month. I dated another girl after Sam for a couple months, but then I realized that she couldn’t fill the ache I felt, so I ended it. Sam started dating a girl named Carly in May and over the summer Sam and I hardly spoke, but I sometimes saw her around at softball tournaments. I was single all summer, and then I met a girl and we started dating in August. Come October 2010 Sam called me up crying and upset. Apparently Carly had told her that she didn’t want to be with her anymore and now Sam wanted to kill herself. I calmed her down and for the next few days I kept her mind of Carly and did my best to be there for her and be her friend. After Carly came back, Sam dropped me like a sack of potatoes. Like I was nothing. This made me quite angry, so one day while I was driving past the movie theater I saw Carly’s car. Unfortunately Sam’s car wasn’t there, but Carly’s would do. My girlfriend at the time and I put cookies and crackers on the car, and then wrote on the windows with spray cheese. It was an immature prank, but nothing unfixable. All she would need was a car wash. I got a phone call from Carly later that night freaking out on me. She went off on me telling me how she wanted to beat my ass. I got a call later from Sam as well. She was crying saying that it was my fault Carly broke up with her and that I needed to fix it. She was a mess. I called Carly to fix things and she informed me that what I did was not the reason she broke up with Sam but that she was sick of all the drama in Sam's life. After that night Sam and I didn’t speak for quite some time. A couple months later I decided to try and email Sam to reconcile and hopefully move past whatever happened between us. She responded with a hateful email telling me she hated me, never wanted to speak with me again, and would get a restraining order if I didn’t leave her alone. I was rather shocked, but we continued to email some and I wished her the best of luck with her life. It was 90 percent hateful and maybe 10 percent the Sam that I missed and that was the last of our communication. It’s been 2 years since we’ve talked until now. I somehow became friends with Carly, Sam’s girlfriend, and we had an odd friendship behind Sam’s back. It was kind of weird, but Carly was a cool person so I rolled with it. Carly and I got really close for about a year and then we stopped for some reason. We talk occasionally though. I sent Carly an old pic of her from a while ago and she called me wondering about it. We were chatting when I brought Sam up. Carly had told me that Sam hated me and how many times she had said she wanted to kill me over the past year, and I didn’t quite understand that. After over a year of being friends with Carly I finally asked her to ask Sam why she hated me. I wanted a solid reason. So it’s 4 in the morning and Carly calls Sam. She asks Sam if she would ever have a conversation with me and Sam said no. Then she asked Sam why she hated me and she just kept saying that she did. We called Sam back and she told Carly that she thought I was an “obsessive bitch” and I would have “better luck being friends with the devil.” She said that I would have a conversation with her fist before I had one with her. After that conversation Sam said she was going to bed. Carly and I continued to talk but then Sam called back. Carly hooked up the 3 way conversation and told Sam I was on the line. Sam kept telling me how she hates me and thinks I’m an obsessive bitch. I told her that clearly I’m not obsessed if I haven’t talked to her in over a year and she said, “Honey it’s been three years.” She said, “Call one of your other bitches because it isn’t me.” She also said, “You try not to think about me every day and I never think of you.” She pointed out that I must care if I care to know why she hates me. I told her that I just don’t understand why she does. She told me that I should get off the phone and let her talk to someone she actually cares about. She said I was “messed up in the head" and then she called me a dyke. I laughed and hung up the phone. I called Carly back a little while later and apparently Sam had been talking shit about me, saying she hoped I got aids and died, and wanted to listen in on the conversation I was having with Carly. I texted Carly after that telling her to tell Sam some things, like the fact that I don’t care about Sam. She’s immature. And the fact that she hates me so much is ridiculous because I don’t even care enough to hate her. Basically, a friend once told me, “There’s a thin line between love and hate.” That may be true, but I’m not so sure. I don’t understand how Sam can hate me so much, especially when she’s the one who broke my heart. I was a complete mess after we broke up and I was heartbroken. Once she changed her number the only communication I had with her were those few emails. I may have been completely, madly in love with her but I clearly am not obsessed if I haven’t talked to her in years. Last night, on my birthday, I literally balled my eyes out over her though. I haven’t done that in a very long time. I didn’t cry over the person she is now, but the person she led me to believe she was. The love I thought we had. I thought we were going to be together forever and always, like she always told me. I understand that people lie and people cheat, I’m used to that and I get that. I also understand that forever isn’t always true in relationships and I may have been young and naive, but I want to know why she feels so much hatred toward me. She told me that she never wants to speak to me again and I would be better off dead. How can she hate me so much? How is that possible? She was my first love and although my heart may still hurt from losing her, I would never compromise anything to be with her now. She isn’t the same person she was when we were together, so there’s no reason to be obsessed with her, love, or hate her. I just don’t understand why she hates me. I know this is long, and complicated, but I was hoping someone could unravel something from this story so this entire situation would be easier to wrap my head around and understand. I’m upset because I’ve never felt the way for a girl that I felt about Sam. I was so madly in love with that girl and I haven’t felt anything close to that about anyone since. I’m somewhat of a “player” and that’s unfortunate because I would love to find the magic that I had with Sam with someone again. Not the same type of magic, but just any type of magic. I’ve met plenty of girls the past three years and have been with some of them, but none of them have ever came close to being what Sam was to me. I understand that you will never forget your first love, but I’m so afraid that I truly won’t. It’s almost as if I have such high standards of what I expect in relationships and none of them add up to what I had with Sam. I dated a great girl for a year and ended up breaking her heart because I couldn’t fall in love with her. I’m just afraid that I will never feel that utter, blissful love for anyone again. That scares me. Sam was the one, I swear. But I pray she isn’t. And if she is, I hope the girl I fell in love with comes back because I don’t know where she is. Thanks a ton!! And I get that relationships and love doesn't work out all the time. I don't need a reality check and I'm not ill-witted. I just don't get how she can go through so many extremes. *Names have been changed for identity purposes.
Maybe the problem is that you are looking for something comparable? I've always heard that love will find you when you least expect it. and you can't compare everyone to her, things won't work out and you will be disappointed. you have to let her go before you can move on. thinking about what you had with someone when you are with someone else is setting the relationship up to fail. maybe take some time out of the game and figure out what you are looking for in a mate. not who, what. qualities that you want in someone....not comparing to "sam's" just in general.
Let it go. You are both feeding off each other. She says she hates you, you dig to find out why, she says she hates you even more (so is using it because she knows it gets to you.) She sounds very immature and unbalanced, and for someone so young to carry so much hatred is not a good sign. Leave it be.
I couldn't agree more. Let her go and if you really look at it you do not need to know why she hate you. And one other thing, please reconsider your friendship with Carly. If I was you I would let her out of my life, because she will also remind you of Sam.
I was once told this: "You never stop loving someone until you fall in love again." or something like that. Other than the unbelievable amount of drama you just laid out there it seems you are nice enough to find someone again. Never stop trying, and just don't be like Sam. The one who is bitter and full of hate is the one in bondage. And finally: Occasionally in this life people just won't like you, they may even despise you, and sometimes there will be nothing you can do about it. The sooner you can accept that and be ok with it, the sooner you can move on and concern yourself with those who do like/love you.
