horrible fear, need advice (serious only please)

i've been suffering from ptsd and panic disorder for almost four months now, and i need some help/advice. please only serious responses.

i have a very troubling fear that i created the whole world in my mind, and that other people aren't real, technology isnt real, God isnt real (ive never been atheist). it rules me and worries me day in and day out. it makes everything i do meaningless and pointless, and im at the point now where ive been seriously considering ending my life because all i do (literally) is cry and scream alone in my room. i think that this fear stems from my immense fear of being alone...but this just seems so extreme. im really scared, everytime i look out the window i get afraid.


please help me, i dont know what to do anymore. this isnt who i am. i used to be so free spirited, completely happy, and the world looked so beautiful to me. now it's just scary and dark.

 

..find the things that make you happy again
..you are never alone there are people on here and in your life that do care
..look to the future and at what things you would like to do


..and .....you are the one that is in my dream

 

Are you sure it's PTSD? I mean, have you been diagnosed? I'm only asking because post-traumatic implies that you went through some kind of trauma (such as fighting in a war or being raped) and that is why you feel the way you do. Either way, if you felt good at one point and all of a sudden you feel like this, it has to have been caused by something. You might not remember it (it might be a subconscious memory that is giving you trouble) but people don't just spiral into insanity for no reason (unless what you have is genetic--is there anyone else in your family that has been through something like this?)


Do you have health insurance? If so, you should be able to find a therapist that can help you cope and that you can afford. Don't try to do this alone. If you don't want or can't afford therapy, find someone else you can trust and tell them how you feel.

-Kate

 

Hi. I hope you are ok for the time being. When did you start thinking all of this? Is there anytime.. as of right now where you can look at things and feel happy, or not confused, and consumed by the idea of the world you have? I mean... I'm your age, and have dealed with panic disorder (not the same situation as you..) but if you want, I'd like to help you. If you want to talk.. just PM me ok?

 

I'm not sure if this is what you are experiancing.........but I was reading about something called derealization which can be described as sort of a feeling of being in a dream-like state, like nothing is real, like swimming in a fish bowl, etc and it was a symptom or it was caused by anxiety disorders. I just came across it once on the net somewhere so I dont know much more about it, but if you think about wanting to know more than just google 'derealization' and Im sure you will come up with something.
Dont know if that was helpful or not, but your post reminded me of what I had read. Hope you feel better soon

 

thanks everyone for the info.

--yes i have been diagnosed with ptsd by many doctors, trauma and all

i do little things to make me happy, but it never really helps.

ive looked into derealization too, and i hope that's not it because i don't know how well that can be treated. sigh...

thanks everyone for your support

 

If you do not let this get in your way, it is not so bad to see this as all a bad dream that we have to get through before we will wake up! I to have slipped into this from time to time due to, well I never did go find out why it just happend. It passes as I am sure it does for you to. By talking about it I am sure at that moment it passed but again likely it comes back. You seem to be dealing with it and as long as you know what it is that is happening as you seem to, you also know what is likely real and likely not.

On a side note, if you took the pictures of the waterfront and such I saw, you have a great camera eye! I wish I had a biger image of the lighthouse pic to set as a background, it was awesome.
Take care, keep talking to everyone, say what is on your mind, or what you think feel ect. If it is mindless dribble, so be it! Some days mindless is good!

 

i'm so sorry ab your panic disorder . i know its tough. i too suffer from panic disorder and derealization sometimes when i get to panicky, but the truth is its all in your head, and its o-kay! ive been on meds for my anxiety and i havent had one panic attack since, but before i was having them almost every time i left the house and it was miserable...it made me almost anti social. my advice to you is to find someone you can talk to, get back into society (hanging out with your friends) bc i guarentee you it'll help somewhat. just remember that its okay and youre not the only one who feels like this (although it really seems like it sometimes) so you arent crazy! good luck to you and PM me if you ever need to. be well!

 

I feel so bad for you. Do you have someone you can talk to and trust? It would be great if you had a trusting relationship with a doctor/therapist but if you don't you should call on your family and friends for support.

Take it one day at a time. Baby steps. Would it help if you set small goals for yourself? For example, for a week you could wake up, look in the mirror and find one thing you love about yourself. Or think of one thing that's great about the world. Don't overanalyze it. Just realize it an accept it. These are just thoughts. I don't know if they will help you.

Don't beat yourself up, blame yourself or condemn yourself for not being able to control how you feel. Try to relax, meditate, take yoga classes, look within....

Please don't kill yourself. You will make it through this. If you ever think about ending your life call someone. Friends/family/docotor/or even a helpline. Tell someone how your feeling, someone who will understand adn be willing to come over at 3am to hold your hand.

Eat well. Stay hydrated. Sleep well. Get up. Wash your hair....

I'm sorry I can't help you more. I wish you the best. Please keep us updated.
Saje

 

Think of it this way. If you are thinking then you must be real. If you are real than something else must also be real to have created you. Therefor your not alone. Nothing can not come from nothing. Even if you say "logic be damned!" and this is all in your head, than have fun with it, go where you want to go and do what you want to do. Enjoy the senses and perceptions you have for they are real enough for you to interact with and enjoy. As I sit here typing this I can think to my self "Everything is in my head" and in response to myself I think, "So what, it doesn't stop me from experiencing it. I wonder what will happen next? Guess I'll just go along with the ride and see where I end up."

Have fun! Peace.
~Donnie~

 

That feeling you have that nothing is real- I had that feeling too when I was a late teen. IT WILL PASS! Mine went away and never came back, and I am so glad I didn't end my life back then, because then I would have missed all the fun and amazing times I've had since then! You'll be glad to be alive too. Just be patient. Happiness is just around the corner...

sweet_dream

 

yeah, donnie-descartes up there has a point. i know, i know, it isn't that simple. bah. things do exist outside of your mind. all you know is your perception of what you experience.. but there must be something there to cause that perception. it's the noumena. the way the world is, as it appears. my lighter might not really be red, but it has to exist outside of my mind, or there would be nothing for the light to reflect off of and cause me to percieve red. perhaps you call it maroon and i call it mauve, but it's still existing in space and in time. when i stop looking at my lighter, it still exists, even though i'm not still experiencing it. i don't know if that helps at all. i do understand that things like ptsd are indeed real and serious, so please dont take offense and think i'm making light of your situation. if you fear that you created the world in your mind, then the best i can do is show you that you didn't (and im definitely not trying to patronize you for holding these beliefs). it won't get rid of the ptsd, but it might ease your mind a bit anyway and then make the ptsd easier to handle. look at things like time, extension in space, geometry, language... im not saying this will make everything the way it was, say, a year ago, but maybe through reason you can test your beliefs and find out if you have any "reason" to hold them. haha oh, puns... but seriously, though. reason, truth and self by michael luntley might be worth reading. you might want to check out kant, too. as for the existence of god, i can't really help with that one. i was raised athiest, so i'm a bit biased on the matter. you can use logic to prove and disprove the existence of god. it depends upon how you define god, though. but in terms of other people, things, and technology existing, those things can be proven to exist outside of your mind.

 

thank you to all ur thoughts have helped ease my mind, and im extremely grateful that u took the time not only to read my problem but respond too even though u have no idea who i am (ahh i love this forum)

 

I hear ya, I hear ya. See, here's my take, and it's not a prescription for things you can do, because you must have heard all if not most of the good advice already. Me too, yet I often find ways to sabatogue my attempts to get better. I think i have heard the advise that will help me the most, only I ignored it. And you probably will, cause health ain't easy. It takes work, and the solution for you might lie in something that made you say "No, I can't do that, or I did it and it doesn't work."
Anyway, in this society, those who are sane or who don't question their own sanity from time to time are the ones who are really ill.
What kind of happiness are you looking for?
Happy to watch TV, happy to work a 40/hour/week job, happy to follow all the usual traditons for living a life inNorth America, happy to be in a country that is at risk of having nukes dropped on it? Fear is normal, and to be expected. Anger, too. For me it's anger, frustration, then hopelessness that there's not much I can do to change things, and that it's so hard to find who I truly am when this society is trying so hard to sell me ideas about who I should be.
I'm sorry, I know it doesnt provide any insight into what to do, but just know you're not alone, and your inability to cope with the world is a 'normal' reaction to a world gone wrong. World gone wrong is pretty harsh. In America we get a pretty narrow view of what life is about. Travel maybe, see what the rest of the world is really like, see what much more living a life could be about instead of being a 'consumer'

 

hey, I really hope that you find some good people to place yourself around. everyone is different but for me when I get down, being around good kind people that give me a good feeling inside really helps. Also, I've been reading alot about acupuncture and did you know it actually can help mental disorders?? Many insurances cover it (including the gov't insurance). It might really help since it helps to balence your inner chi (energy). Also, I'm a strong believer that diet can play a role in your emotional state.And maybe try doing some Qi gong(its like ti Chi). At first it will feel weird if you've never done it before, but it actually can really help make you feel more centered and down to earth. I hope this helps.

 

I had really bad anxiety attacks for about 2 years. They would hit me anywhere, anytime. It is a traumatic experience. Sounds like you are experiencing some variety of such, and perhaps something more. Your mental health is very important, sister. I am concerned about you talking about taking your life. You need to communicate this stuff to someone who you really trust who cares about you.

Please don't EVER act on those feelings, hon. The panic, the depression will end eventually, but if you do something rash and permanent it will be to late.

There is really onmly one true antidote to FEAR (False Expectations Appearing Real) and that is HOPE (Helping Others Perceive Enlightenment). The true antidote to fear is courage. Is comes from within, deep down.

But some folks have chemical imnbalances and other conditions, and may need professional guidance. There are many natural and herbal things that can help too. If you have been using any drugs, you should mellow out your useage until you get a better handle on your situation.

YOU MATTER, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, IT WILL GET BETTER.
Ok,sis? If you ever are having stinkin thinking you can IM me. My addy is on my profile.

Take care darlin', let us know how you are doing from time to time, Ok?

your brother, Viv-

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Being someone who used to suffer with horrible panic disorder myself, I can totally relate. And I know that no one deserves to go through this.

My advice to you is to give it time. And most importantly, don't lose faith. Prayer helps!! (I will add you to my prayer list, and I hope others here will do the same) I started getting the attacks in March, and today I am predominately panic free. My attacks started dying away in about August or September. So if you have been suffering for four months, then maybe the attacks will lessen soon.

Good luck and God bless you!!

Here are some web sites that may help:
www.linden-method.com
www.naturalremedies.com
Also, try taking all types of B vitamins as well as zinc and magnesium. A little calcium never hurt anyone, either.
I've also heard that eating high-carbohydrate foods helps.
Something I took that seemed to help were vitamins called 5-htp. They sell them online and at health food stores. But I would recommend taking them at night because they may and probably will make you drowsy.

Hang in there!

 

the world can be a scary place. whenever im upset i go to a garden i created in my head. Its the one place that i feel completely happy in when everything sucks. Find that place for you, may it ber eal or not, it really helps. also, nothing is worth ending your life. things will get better, hang in there and know that your friends and family love you!

 

remember you are not alone in feeling that way. I had anxiety so bad this summer i couldnt even go grocery shopping. Now I am better through reading and getting help for it, i highly reccomend "coping with anxiety" its a blue and orangy book.
When I was real young I felt that I was "god" and the world around was created like a movie that I was starring in or something, eventually it went away.

Don't feel silly to tell yourself things like "I am OKAY" "I am not in any danger" "noone is going to hurt me" "I want to feel happy" etc...

one of the best things is diet and excercise...
excercise helps your body metabolize (get rid of) excess adrenaline and cortisol which at higher levels can make the anxiety worse.
A diet rich in whole grains, with a balance of protein and carbs helps to regulate your blood sugar and helps your moods to stay even.

if you are in a position to see a doctor or therapist you really should. Alot of places have free clinics for low income.

let me know if I can help you out more, you can pm me if you like.