After many dicey relationships I found the kindest guy I've ever met. Things with us were progressing pretty well until my ex came back into the scene. I loved my ex but broke up with him for good because we were stuck in the same pattern due to his commitment issues. Now he's going to counseling, he completely turned his health around and basically fixed all his flaws. Torn between my ex being who I wanted him to be all along and the new guy I decided to take a break from the new guy to think. It's not fair to him at all and I feel like the world's worst human being right now. As an aside, the new guy and I butt heads a bit about some of our future goals so I really wanted to examine that too. My ex and I have started counseling together. I love him, I love the life I would have with him but now I'm no longer attracted to him. I miss the new guy quite a bit but I keep wondering if I can deal with all the changes I would have to make to my future. Ideally, I would take my attraction for the new guy and paste it onto my ex. I don't know why this has happened but I'm wondering if physical attraction is all that important when you have your best friend as your partner.
Hasn't he gotten better lookin now that he's healthier? Once you fulfill the lustrous lifestyle with your ex I'm sure the attraction will come back. You'd be laughing if your ex all of a sudden wanted a second male in the relationship. Bring that up with him.
I suppose he has become more attractive, I really don't understand why I'm not attracted to him. It's like it just dried up or something. Don't think either one would be into sharing though.
Maybe your attracted to guys with subtle problems? And now that he's fixed his problems the attraction factor has weakened? Might be something to bring up privately with the counselor. I only say that because apparently it seems the new guy also has some problems with you in terms of individual future plans clashing.
I was kind of wondering similar things myself. It doesn't really make sense at all, that's probably the most likely answer.
you're prolly just scared of doing the same thing a 2nd time. But this time, knowing full well things aren't going to be as new and 'fun,' but likely very real. "You" don't want that, so ofc you'll take the new guy with less responsibility. People tend to run away from real. Not as stimulating as a bunch of other shallow patterns.
