I wanna fuck my friend

Of course one needs testing.

But if you've got something today, it won't show on a test tomorrow. With a real friend, if he'd tell me there was abstinence after testing, or protected sex, I would be inclined to believe him. With a stranger, I'd have more trouble believing he really took precautions after testing.

Some things will only show on a test months later. With a stranger, the guy will say whatever to get laid. Even if I see his tests results, what guarantees do I have he played safe after testing? Even the test result could be easily fabricated.

100% guarantee, one will never have. But a friend will always be more easy to trust than a stranger.

In the case of that particular friend, I'd trust him. He would never do anything to hurt me.

Recently, I hook up with a stranger for sex. He had the test to show, alright. But he didn't find a condom immediately and wanted to fuck without it, since we were both recently tested. Well, of course it didn't happen. His wanting to do it anyway was proof he wasn't careful between tests. Some people will take all risks and test now and then.

 

I'm sure you can lookup some statistics regarding STD contraction through bjs .

 

Though I respect your opinion, I disagree with it and so does my husband.

More than a decade into our marriage, we decided to "open" our relationship and have sex with other people. One of the reasons to do so was the fact he admitted he didn't care for my satisfaction in bed. As he put it, he prefers to concentrate on his own pleasure and if he's worrying about satisfying me too, he finds it much less enjoyable.

I'm married to him. But if you want to call it by another name, that's fine with me.

 

Thank you. I still wanna try to make it work.

 

It wasn't during dating, but after well over a decade into our marriage. The thing is that when you open your relationship, you talk about lines not to cross. I gave him my full consent to do whatever he pleases, but he wanted to keep control over me. So, when a different situation arises, I ask his opinion, or authorization before doing anything.

 

Of course one needs to test. I've talked about what I've meant in another post a few posts before this one.

Now, about oral without condoms, you forget herpes. And you say yourself it is 'practically' non existent, but it isn't absolutely non existent. Some ignore the negligible risks, some don't.

I know that even if somebody has, say HIV, having unprotected sex with him won't lead to a 100% probability of contagion. The probability can be as low as single digit percentages. But even if it is only around 2%, it is 2% too much.

 

It is true the probability is tiny. But it isn't null.

 

No, I didn't forget about herpes. And FYI, using a condom won't stop you from getting herpes. Honestly, you're being a bit paranoid. Contrary to popular belief, 90% of the population is not a walking STD. If 2 people were tested clean recently, then there really isn't much risk.

 

yeah don't worry about getting a STD it'll be ok

 

I'll go on worrying, but feel free to do as you please.

 

He's a good person, but very selfish, indeed. And he does love me. In his very selfish way. He takes me for granted and that doesn't help me. I think he's so egotistical, because he never had friends, he never had to learn that sometimes you do something for someone you love and that is a reason to feel good in itself. Also, he had a very, very easy life and parents that always help in any situation. He never had to struggle about anything. Even with me, I've always made it very easy for him.

He's also 100% materialistic and doesn't understand psychological distress.

I remember once I had surgery and had to rest for one month. I couldn't drive and was pretty fragile, because it had been urgent, no preparation.

He needed to go to a library downtown to give back some books, but the place is horrible to park. He insisted I'd go with to drive the car around the block while he'd go inside. It was only days after the surgery. I've tried to explain to him his discomfort to park was negligible compared to my discomfort to go out of bed and to drive. But he just couldn't understand. I ended up driving him there.

That's how he is.

 

You must be an angel I SWEAR! To me I would not have pegged him as a nice person at all.

Originally I was going to say, I didn't say he was a bad person, but that he was a bad husband and the two don't correlate. However when I read that he was unsympathetic to your NEED FOR REST in order to recover after surgery...that's really cold.

Is he rich? Cause if he is I don't understand why in that particular scenario he couldn't have just hired a limo for that library trip or at least a cab. He obviously doesn't drive himself for whatever reason.

Sorry I don't really know what to tell you other than to make plans and leave (divorce). Or you can continue with how things are now, just be aware that it'll only get worse with age especially when you hit middle age and both of your health starts to decline because of hormone fluctuation differences (slipped discs, cramps, bone fractures, and poor eyesight)


I advise you NOT to have children with this man. EVER!

---
I'm really hoping your a troll right now, but giving you the benefit of the doubt, I feel really sad for you.

 

well, at least Jacob wasn't legally married.

:dizzy2::sad::

your husband sounds like a selfish pig asshole. why are you with such a fucking jerk?

before we had kids when my wife got called into work (she is an RN and had to take weekend call at the Hospital) I would get up in the middle of the night, drive her to work and then go back and get her when she was done. (She hates to drive at night due to her bad eyesight and I didn't want her walking through a big parking garage in the middle of the night.)The idea that he would make you drive when you recovering from surgery shows what a monster he is. and he is not a good person.

my wife said she knew she would marry me when one day I picked her up in the car and I opened a bottle of Snapple I had just bought and was about to take my 1st sip. she asked if she could have a sip and I handed it to her to drink first. She said it was a simple thing but that it showed I was willing to put her before myself.

do you really think you will ever be happy with this pathetic toddler?

 

You do things for him for all the wrong reasons. There's a lot behind the little S-word: "selfish."

Selfish means he should sacrifice his self-interest for yours. So, why are you any less selfish than him in wishing that he sacrifice for you? And if you do things for him but then guilt-trip him about it, are you such a martyr saint after all?

It's that little Christian/welfare mentality, where you don't do things for yourself. You expect other people to do them for you. And if they don't (which is entirely salutary), you get to play victim and claim the moral high ground.

More importantly, you've opened up your relationship for all the wrong reasons. You're obviously a prude, given your paranoia about STDs, and your caveat about not minding monogamy if you were pleasured by one man.

Granted, your husband is not coming out of this thread smelling like a rose, but to me you have just the husband you deserve. Your marriage sounds like a textbook case of codependency. And you are the sole responsible party for your own dissatisfaction. Everything you do for him is your choice, whether he asks for them or not. Saying NO is alllways an option. The relationship itself is your choice.

In fact, you're so selfish, you expect him to read your mind and know what you want without going through the risk of rejection and outright asking him for alone time with dude. And exposing your feelings and letting him know how important it is to you.

===========

I would disabuse myself of the notion of self-sacrifice, and learn true, non-coerced, reciprocity between individuals who take responsibility for and give priority to themselves. Finally, people who communicate both their boundaries and wants clearly. Even at the risk of rejection.

By the way, when I eat a woman's pussy and get pussy goo all over my face; I do it for me! That's right, I love eating pussy. It's not giving a dog a bone so it lets me pet it later.

 

She's not an angel. Its battered wife syndrome. You don't have to get beaten to act like a battered wife. I recognize this so clearly because I excused my ex boyfriend's narcissistic, selfish behavior for 5 long years. I forgave him over and over again because he was such a "good person", just like the OP described her husband. Her husband probably is a good person, to be honest. I saw my ex boyfriend hand out countless twenties to homeless people. He straight up gave his car to a friend in need once. He's a great person, but just because someone is a good person doesn't mean their mind isn't completely twisted, it doesn't mean they aren't narcissistic in relationships or capable of having a healthy relationship at all. She's using his good behavior to excuse his bad behavior and I'm sure she soaks up all this "you're an angel" bullshit because who doesn't like to play the martyr?

I know I sound harsh but only because I've been there done that. Reading through this thread and seeing the OP describe her husband, I see this situation so clearly.

Cherea is absolutely right that they opened up their relationship for the wrong reason as well. I've never been in an open relationship but I know enough to know that it only works if your relationship is in perfect health to begin with. They opened it up thinking it would solve something and thats always a bad idea.

OP, your husband isn't going to change. Take it from me. People are capable of changing but most don't and when they do its because they want to make their life better for them, not because they want to make life better for someone else (the only exception here being kids. People change for their kids every day). Selfish people especially change for selfish reasons.

This issue goes far beyond sex and you're just as complicit in the unhealthy state of your relationship as he is because you stay, because you actually get your ass out of bed after surgery to drive him somewhere. He's not going to get any better and years down the road when sex doesn't even matter as much anymore he's still going to be selfish and you'll be stuck driving him to the library after your hip replacements. I highly recommend leaving while you're still young enough to start a new life.

 

You nailed it. Emotional abuse is still abuse. She is enabling.

 

Bingo.

 

It's like blaming the crack fiend for your drug dealing.

 

Yup .... but it always takes two.

 

Good lord you are an idiot;

http://std.about.com/od/riskfactorsforstds/a/oralsexsafesex.htm

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100822093618AAthDVY

http://www.stdtestexpress.com/blog/hotline-can-you-get-an-std-from-oral-sex/

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/stds/std_myths.html#

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_type_of_std_can_you_catch_from_oral_sex

"The Options Project found that 7.8% (8 of 102) of recently infected men who have sex with men in San Francisco were probably infected through oral sex. Most of these men believed that the risk was minimal or non-existent."

http://www.voxxi.com/oral-sex-stds/


That's just a miniscule sampling of search results.


Like I said, monumental idiot.