Snooped and found something I shouldn't have...

umm my boyfriend and i share a computer together at home and he left one of his external drives plugged in. he wasnt home and the folder was open. i pretty much expected porn which is nothing he's hid from me but then i found folders containing hundreds of pictures that he'd save of girls he'd known from school, exes, and girls he'd hooked up with. except 90% of them weren't personal pictures, they were seemingly random photos he pulled off of facebook or something which bother (and creep) me more than the personal ones. personal photos i can understand but... i dont know, it grossed me out a little. he titled most of the photos in rly perverted ways despite the photos themselves not being sexual in nature at all... which makes it creepier. so then i couldnt help but wonder if the photos were recent or before he met me (a yr ago). and all of them were before he met me, except he'd accessed them during our relationship.

we currently live together and we get along quite well... he hasnt given me a reason to doubt his love for me. it's just that ive always known hes a sexual person, and that sometimes my insecurities can fuel a bit of jealousy in me, but these photos were just weird, and the titles and all of it.. weird. im a little in shock and at the same time guilty for having opened these folders. not sure what to do or feel here. what do you guys think? creepy? or just some dude thing i should take lightly...?...

 

A dude thing I'd say. They're always going to look and a I hear my guy friends talk about old school girls Facebook photos and know they still perv on them etc. If he's not doing anything wrong then I'de it go bit don't forget it and use it if something ever happens where he might be talking to said girls. I dunno. It's a tough one.

 

to be honest recently like a couple of weeks ago i saw him texting one of the girls he had a personal folder for lol.. i didnt read the txts, just saw the name once and now i realize its a girl he hooked up with before, and he pretty much had the dirtiest pics and videos of her. not sure what to think. but for strangely im not too bothered by it since she lives in another city (my bf moved to my city just recently)

 

snoopin never leads to any good. But now you have to figure out how to live with it or let him know you were snooping.
My guess is he's had them for awhile and will most likely delete them sometime.

 

he has had them for a while like 2-3 yrs before him and i met but he still accesses them. idk, if it was just regular porn its nothing but when its like people he personally knew or seemingly somewhat knew of, it's creepy, especially when the pics arent sexual in anyyy way. and it makes me wonder now if i have to worry as long as i am with him :s

 

What's his Internet life like? Is he on a lot of profile sites? He could be using them as like an alter personality or something?

 

guys are designed to want variety in sexual partners. it's basic biology. if a guy is trying to be monogamous, the only way to satisfy this natural desire is to masturbate to other women. or i guess he could cheat, if that would make you feel better.

looking at porn just isn't the same as fantasizing about someone you actually know. unfortunately, the people most guys fantasize about haven't done porn, so non-sexual pictures are all they have.

 

Dump him.

The relationship isn't working for you if you have to snoop in the first place.

 

This reminds me of when I was fantasizing about orgies and bukkake and my ex suggested kama sutra and lingerie. :biggrin:

 

If not for snoopin', most times the truth would never be discovered. Too many people in relationships lie, and I wonder why people even put themselves through the torture of attempting to have relationships.

 

Mr Duck, I wonder How You Would Feel If Someone Were To Give You

The Same Advice Over Such A Trivial Matter....???



Cheers Glen.

 

trivial matter?....its not trivial that this loser carries around a file of his exes on a usb drive....he went through a lot of trouble to make it portable.....

its disturbing and creepy and not a guy thing

this girl(op) needs to leave this dude asap

 

I would be distraught. I could have worded it better, but..

There is nothing trivial about a lack of trust in a relationship and personal space. Snooping is controlling, it's weird, and it's crazy that it's becoming acceptable in our society.

It would be the start of very dark, very hard time in our relationship if my girlfriend was found to be snooping on me.

It's not even very logical.
Dan Savage has made a really good point about snooping. Snoopers could ruin their piece of mind by uncovering a strange, but completely controlled and harmless fetish. Snoopers can find what seems to be evidence of cheating and mistrust, and have it totally blow up in their face when it turns out to be old letters, recently copied to the hard drive - or stories or whatever.

The one thing you do have a point on, is I have seen other posts by the OP, and she's 19; he's 21. Maybe they could both use a little leeway - but at the same time - they both have plenty of time and energy to be finding newer, healthier relationships.

 

I think its creepy...

buuuut...it reminds me of the time I was talking to my ex boyfriend through text about getting back together while dating someone else. The current boyfriend snooped through my phone and found out. Clearly, it was a shitty thing for me to do but he ended up being the bad guy in the situation because he couldn't respect my privacy.

You really don't have a leg to stand on. I would just break up with him. He has some weird picture thing and you have no respect for his privacy....so there are not one but two problems in the relationship.

 

I think there's a difference between curiosity and snooping.
Dude left the drive in and the file open and you take a peek, that's curiosity
Rifling through a phone. Checking out a drive that wasn't plugged in. Looking with the intent of finding, is snooping.

 

he's cheating


you're welcome

 

I have mixed feelings about this.

It's not a thing ALL guys do, but I certainly know that a significant amount of my friends do have a stash of pictures of random girls that might've been ex'es, that help during times where they're single. (the pics may or may not be sexual)

You've only been together for 1 year, which in my opinion is nothing time wise. Why would a girl expect a guy to throw out his 'safety net' of sorts if the relation you have with him soured or other reasons down the road.

Some girls do something similar with accumulating love letters/emails they got in their youth. Sometimes they're still in a shoebox somewhere, and are part of "the talk" mothers will have with their daughters about relationships, sex, how guys flirt sweetly but can still be wrong in the end.


As long as he's not cheating on you, I don't see a problem. But if it bugs you spring the trap and call him out on it, watch how he reacts.

It also concerns me that he's still talking to one of the girls he has pictures of.

 

I was thinking that the pictures could be an internet equivalent of the little black book. A trophy list, of sorts, of conquests.

 

that's a good point, i had failed to consider the portable aspect of it.

what, is he popping it in at the library or something?

 

thanks every1. ive decided to let it go. despite it being unusual to me, i suppose it's harmless. i think i'll only ever bring it up with the guilt of having snooped gets to me, or if i see him continuing to text that girl he had a folder for.