So heres my/our story. ill try to keep it short. Me: a guy with maybe a few insecurities. call me human. Now a little while back i found my gf's dildo. She never told me she got one, and she said she got it a few months ago so it was during our relationship. Initially i got a little offended and thought i wasnt "good enough" for her, but i realized it was just for her to have a little solo fun. But heres whats eating away at me. I only get to see her once a week, and that one day that i see her, sometimes we arent able to have sex and that makes me grumpy but she doesnt seem to mind one bit, at least thats how it seems. AND on top of that, im always the one initialing sex. I almost never get texts from her anymore about how "badly she wants me" or any compliments about my body or how i strive to please her in bed. When i initially told her the dildo thing got me pissed off (even tho not that big of a deal) she totally blew me off! Like if you know your partner got mad, wouldnt you care about how they felt? Even when she gives me blowjobs , i have to initial them and she makes it look like its an obligation rather a chance to pleasure her man. EDIT: she said the dildo is just for quick breaks, but it seems to me when we see each other she has no sex drive at all. Like seriously how can you not see me for a whole week and not jump my guns at first sight??!! Makes me feel unsexy, unwanted, unappreciated. Like im just a freaking wallet. And i dont think i can share my feelings with her because she wont understand, then go blab away to her mom and sister and make me look like a desperate loser.
How old are you and how long have you been together? Why don't you see each other more often? There are quite many things you've written about, that don't sound good at all. The most concerning are the lack of care, interest and trust in each other. The lack of sex is just the consequence.
Do you ever masturbate? Why can't she? Just because she has a dildo doesn't mean that she is riding it nonstop, either. You didn't say how old you both are, but you sound young. You say you feel like a wallet, do you give her money all the time? Why? Maybe she feels like a vagina, just being used for sex. You need to have a serious talk about your relationship.
I doubt the dildo has anything to do with the lack of sex you have! Might be the lack of good communication.
Ug, not a good sign. If I've lost interest in any man sexually it is usually because something is a serious turn off. That doesn't mean it's personal AGAINST them, but instead means my own preferences are not being met. And if you think about it, it's a fucking miracle when there is lasting compatibility. So, either you attack it head on, find out what she's thinking, consider really shaking things up with major changes, OR resign to the fact it was only meant to be for a season.
Use the dildo on her When you found it you shouldve told her she was being naughty for buying a dildo and not telling you and that she needed to be punished. You couldve handled this much better bro
If you care what she says to her mom and sister, then you actually are a loser. It is none of their business and their opinion of you shouldn't mean anything. Staying with someone who doesn't value you or meet your needs is also a loser move.
Yeah thats how i feel it is. She used to text me before about how much she misses me or wants to have sex with me but now its just boring texts. I feel like the only time shes showing affection to me is when I take her to dinner or somewhere nice, other than that when it comes to sex she's stiff as board. Really right now i feel like staying with her but in the meantime having sex with another girl ,one who actually shows interest in me, and doing this until she starts treating me how she should. Honestly why do i have to do all the work in this relationship? I go to college, get smiled at and winked at by super cute girls and deny all of them because i want to be faithful to my girlfriend, but now it seems like a waste by the way i get treated by her. We're both 18, and been together for a year. Busy with work, homework, school, classes. MY MAIN QUESTION is.....should I... 1) stay with her but see other girls so i can get my affection needs met while at the same time giving her time and a chance to actually put in some work to our relationship. 2)do the thing above but no cheating. 3) break it off. 4) share how i feel with her. But i must say, I would disappointed if I had to do option 4 because she is a smart girl and the fact i have to bring this up to her shows she doesnt see clearly.
Being smart does not give anyone the ability to read minds. No, she should not be expected to guess how you feel. If you ever want to have a relationship that works, you are going to have to talk to women. Sex is nice, but it isn't a relationship by itself.
After a year, sex does change. It's an evolving relationship and the initial high has worn off. I'm also guessing you are both fairly inexperienced with relationships. And, likely sex. Sit down and talk. Talk abut expectations, dreams, but also what you need and want now.
I think you start with option 4. If she's unwilling to at least make an effort to change, then move on. You're in college. No need to waste your opportunity to experience other girls and live the college lifestyle being stuck with a gf who doesn't want to play with you. Options 1 and 2 would be a moral decision that only you can decide... but you'll have to live with any consequences should they arise.
I say option 4, at least try it. Naturally if something is fundamentally wrong with the relationship, a breakup WILL occur and then that will free you up for other prospects. BUT approach her with the "We need to talk" scenario BEFORE she does. Tell her how you feel without accusing her, and that you miss how things were before in the beginning of the relationship and see if you can't isolate the problem together. It's possible she feels the same disconnect you do, and her behavior does reflect that from past experiences with girls I've been with and what my guy friends have told me they've gone through with their long term relationships. Talk about your commonalities, goals in life, and where both of you want to be headed now in life as opposed to when you started the relationship a year ago.
OP, you said you don't understand how she can not see you for a week and not want jump all over you. Women are not like men, they don't just constantly want to get laid. I'm not even trying to be a smartass, that's just the way it is. Some women have higher sex drives than others, but we can generally harder to please and harder to get in the mood. We quite often have a hard time wanting to lay a man that we are displeased with in any way or not feeling very close to. Even if she's not displeased with you (I'm certainly not trying to imply that she is) you might just need to figure out what gets her going, because if she's like me, it might not be just an available boner.
Please don't blame the dildo. Everyone needs to masturbate. It is as necessary as breathing or eating. In fact, using a dildo/vibrator to get off by yourself is like downing a powerbar when you don't have time to sit down to a meal. The question is, why is she treating sex with you like a Taco Bell drive thru when you want it to be a five star meal? You are right about one thing. If I loved my man and hadn't seen him/fucked him in a week, I'd be all over that. But I doubt that it's the sex toy's fault. A chick with a healthy libido isn't going to be so enamored of a plastic penis that she doesn't prefer the real thing. Women are different in regards to sex because they let emotions interfere. So the key is to find out what is on her mind. Personally, if I were upset about something in my relationship, I would rather clear the air than let it ruin my chances at getting some dick, so maybe she just needs some prodding. Conversational prodding.
