Parents consenting to teen girls overnights with Boyfriend

Isadoran, I'm very sorry that happened to your sister. I truly believe we do such a disservice to children when we give them such responsibilty for themselves too young.

And my oldest sounds similar to your kids...growing up with knowledge and information about the consequences of choices can often be a deterrent...he has spent much time being the oldest of many much younger cousins and nothing can put a teen boy off of sex more!

 

Yeah, having younger cousins has proven to be the best birth control for teens. Lol

 

No, it means you know who goes up there, how often, and how long they stay. You can have conversations with the kid about the situation, and you have the opportunity to lay down a few ground rules. When they're doing everything away from home, you're out of the picture, a nonfactor, unless they choose to fill you in.

:rofl: Their parents could be seriously diminishing their future potential as Hip Forums members!

Okay! Now I'm getting a clear picture! For my response, see below.

This was me, in high school. My parents trusted me a lot (maybe too much) because they were totally convinced that I understood what was at stake.

 

I can see your point of view Karen, I do, I wil just never bring myself to allow my kids to have sex in my house****. I, of course, will talk to my kids, make sure they are aware of my wishes, and the why I feel the way I do. All of my rules are explained to my kids....all the consequences for choices are clearly laid out and I'm a big believer in natural consequences. Hopefully with my younger kids they turn out as responsible as their older brother, but in the end my fear of them making unsafe choices will not dictate my values and beliefs around how I parent.

***adult children can share a room with their significant other when they come to visit, but my house will not be used for booty calls.

 

If you don't let em they'll just lie and sneak out anyways. So then you have a possibility where you can be comfortable with them in your house or be comfortable with them doing the dirty god knows where and where anything could happen. Teenagers are becoming sexually active more frequently now it won't be stopped and suppression is just going to hurt the family relationship.

 

Yep. Kids will break all sorts of rules...they will be sneaky and do things I don't approve of...it happens, but this doesn't make me change my values and beliefs. My oldest will be 22 soon...we had our talks over the years when he would go smoke pot with friends after school. We talked about my feelings around it, it would never be brought into my home and he would never get my permission for what he was doing....but of course I knew when it was happening...just didn't need to happen under my roof. Same thing applies to sex...if my kids want to have it in a field some where or skip school midday to have it at a boyfriends house, well I guess it will happen but doesn't mean its happening in my home. Just because I have rules does not imply I'm not open and communicative with my kids.

 

Discussion about rules is not suppression. Parents are obligated to set them, and enforce them. If done well, kids will respond respectfully.

 

I'm pretty sure that the pro-suppression (and ironically, pro-life.... because we know how well the abstinence only sex ed has worked, and all) people in this thread have some vision of their kid walking in, "hi mom, we're going to fuck, see you at supper", or some stupid shit.

Pretty sure we're just generally talking about an environment with some privacy, respect and safety. So long as sex has been talked about sufficently, I can't imagine why you should need to tell them that they can have sex in your house, and if you do, yeah, there MIGHT be problems, though there also might not. But there's nothing wrong with simply letting them have a place to do whatever they do safely.

As for the "I know they'll do it, but I don't like it, so I'm going to make it more dangerous for them" attitude.... yeah, from teen pregnancy to drug use, you are what is wrong with this country. You have an unrealistic view of the world, and when they world doesn't fit it, you, in effect, hurt your own children for it. You can say "but they're doing it" all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you're the one going against human nature, not them.

So, to the not-under-my-roofers: if your kid asked you for condoms, would you get them? Or would your attitude be that since you don't agree with that choice, you are going to do nothing to help it be done safely, despite the fact that it will happen?

There's a level of cognitive dissonance involved here. Disapproving of something your kid does will not abdicate you of responsibility for how it goes wrong, when it happens anyways, as you knew it would.

 

You got pregnant? Did you use condoms? I did. And worst case scenario, I'm pro choice because I'd rather not have my life ruined for 21+ years.

 

Wait! What's wrong with pot now!? there's nothing BAD about pot....

 

It's different for all our kids, one we couldn't trust at home alone over night. You never know what he would do. Another we could give money to him and leave him for a few days and no problems at all. Our daughter except for the a few different incidents was a very good kid. She went on to a Ivy league college and the 2 boy both went to very nice Universities with one going to grad school. All 3 are amazing people and 2 have families of there own. I'm very proud of all of them. So I have some experience raising kids. I don't know everything but I know how we did it and it worked for us. If you stick together as parents and stay consistent it worked for us.

 

except it's illegl in 48 states

 

:2thumbsup:

 

That is, if you know about it.

The cat and mouse games are terrible for communication. When I dumped my virginity in college, I wish I had been able to openly ask my mother some questions about a few details, but I had to pretend to her that I was still a virgin. There was no transition period for me. Suddenly, I was just out in the world on my own to figure things out, with no useful parental support at all, when I probably needed it most.

My friends have been handling this better with their daughters. They have more open and honest relationships. You can't have that when everything is always about rules.

According to Southern tradition, do you know when a mother is supposed to tell her daughter all the practical details about sex? On the day before her wedding!

Yeah, no two siblings are going to be the same, unless they're identical twins. My sister and I never handled anything the same way.

 

The neat thing about kids are is they think parents are stupid. If they don't get confronted about it they think nobody caught them. You may not know exactly what they are doing all the time but you know when they had sex you know when they start drinking, if they are smoking pot. It's just a matter of knowing when to step in.

 

Exactly, it's just a matter of knowing how much of their stash to leave.

 

LOL
If I ever have kids of my own they won't even be allowed to date so they can forget about having sex underneath my roof.

 

Your name is terribly ironic.

Also, you are, quite literally, a bad person. Just about everyone else in this thread has SOME sort of redeeming qualities, of SOME sort....

 

How is my name terribly ironic? And what makes me such a bad person? Also I'm pretty sure that you don't even actually know me...so why so judgemental?

 

I guess I lucked out. My kids communicate well with me. Both share a little to much information with me sometimes. I was upset when my son told me he tried a legal alternative at his dads house and it freaked him out. I told him I would rather he smoke pot than do that crap. He reassured me he would never do it again because of how horrible it is. He has tried pot a couple of times and did not like it either. Sometimes I wish the wool was over my eyes but at least their openness gives me a chance to communicate with them.