I didn't really know where to put this. I'm going to put this as short as I possibly can, but I really do appreciate any help you can offer. So ever since I can remember I've had a lot of trouble making and keeping friends. Everyone just seemed to stab me in the back at some point. Even in high school, some guy I dated for 2.5 years cheated on me with my best friend. I ended up forgiving her and we've been friends since. But I found out not too long ago that she was talking to him, and flirting (even though she was in an open relationship), and this made me feel really insecure and I asked her to stop because I really loved him. Well come to find out she didn't stop, and almost everytime we talk, she tries to mother me out of a decision of mine. She's not supportive or loyal to her word/friends, so I'm ending that friendship (of 6 years). I also ended another friendship recently because my friend from high school became my roommate, and soon after she started talking bad about me on social networking sites and I would see them and confront her about it and she would basically ignore me. It got worse and worse so I moved out. I felt extremely depressed at this time and even committed self harm after not doing that for 5 years. So I had to get out of there. So now I don't really have any friends. I have one, but he lives in another city, and we barely see each other, but we text all day long. I was seeing somebody, but now she's mad at me because she posted a pic of her and her ex on facebook and I told her she's torturing herself with all of these memories. But I think she was looking for an excuse to get mad because she hasn't even been texting me for a week. I'm just sick of people finding it so easy to tread on me. I'm a nice person, I hardly ever start arguments with my friends, and I treat my lovers like kings/queens. I've been told before that I give off this "victim vibe" and I understand that. I've been working on becoming happier and so far it's been wonderful. But I'm losing friends like crazy for it, and while having friends isn't a total necessity for me, it would sure be nice. Can anyone offer any insight? Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me, socially, because I can't make friends, I say the wrong things, I don't understand why, I'm shy, I'm nervous, I blush a lot, etc. It's just... frustrating.
I know a 20-year-old girl with the same problem. She even attempted suicide a few years ago. The thing is there are many people who want to be her friend but she keeps befriending people who just use and discard her. Sometimes when you are down on yourself you do not see the people who care in your life. Don't give up. You will have friends. It just takes being your own best friend first.
Unfortunatly I don't live close by so we can't hang out but I can be your friend:sunny:Add me :2thumbsup: I have the same problem. I don't have many friends because they have either stabbed me in the back or moved.
First off that guy you "love" sounds like a grade a douche so you should drop him like you did your friend. It seems like girls have to deal with backstabbing and two faced friends a lot more than guys... sucks. I don't fit in with the average crowd either, and none of my friends do really. It's not a bad thing, it just means they aren't the people you should be hanging out with. All of my good friends have come into my life almost effortlessly and really there is no maintenance involved in keeping them. Do stuff that interests you, go to clubs or whatever, sign up for art classes if you're into it. You'll meet people more like yourself and make friends.
Thanks for the responses. Isadoran - I'm a 20 year old female myself, that's strange. I hope your friend gets better as well. Too bad me and her can't be friends! Sunshine_Daydream- haha I'd love to be your friend, judging jsut from your user name haha. Listen to the Dead and chillax! josh - I've definitely tried meeting people with similar interests. THat's really the only reason I have my best friend, we share the same religion. But to clarify, I ditched that guy I loved (and yes I DID love him, not anymore obviously, we were engaged) when I found out he had been cheating on me for months. I don't let people treat me like shit anymore and I really think people don't like that? I don't know. I don't want to fit in with the average crowd lol. I just want someone to listen to Led Zeppelin and the Dead with and get stoned and play guitar or something. Indiana kind of sucks.
The people who just want to use you don't like that about you because it means that they can't really use you. Too bad we don't live closer. I'd listen to Led Zeppelin and the Dead among other bands with you and I don't play guitar but you could show me a thing or two. Yeah, Oklahoma kinda sucks.
:2thumbsup: I can't believe how regular I see people on the internet loving this but rarely meet such people irl. Ok, I have some friends who I have indoctrinated succesfully but since this is one of my fav pastimes I feel like it should be done more often I can assure you though (even though I've never been to the US, let alone Indiana ) it does not depend on a whole state/nation. It just shows these peeps are not easily met in real life or perhaps we don't identify them as such? I also like to assure you that it is completely normal to loose high school friends to the extend that there are none left. Most people only start finding out what they are about in or after their 20's
I don't make friends that easily either. I used to be a real beta, submissive type of person so really bitchy alpha females would befriend me and try to boss me around. This was years ago. At some point in high school I just stopped giving a fuck . I've never had a lot of female friends but the ones I do have are real and I trust them with my life. I've met other girls through these friends too. So I think if you give off a victim vibe you probably giving off a vibe that stronger and bitchier females can take advantage of you. I don't know you so can't say for sure but you may also be giving off a needy vibe, like you might use your friendships as a crutch. This can scare people away. My advice is to keep working on being happy and just being you. avoid bitchy alpha females. Be confident about standing on your own two feet. This way when a cool chick comes your way you'll appear fun and happy, you won't put off any weird vibes, and you'll appear as the type of cool person someone would want for a friend. It could be also that you just haven't met any cool girls you have anything in common with, because you sound pretty cool to me.
I second that! Not that I know you well at all but I noticed you on this forum and everytime I did I thought she seems really nice and laidback. Hope you don't take this as just a compliment to make you feel better 'cause I prefer to stay quiet about these things when I don't mean them at all
a lot of people are just assholes and they will try to get away with whatever they think that they can get away with fundamentally I think the problem is with them, not with you if you don't want to get stepped on, it's important to recognize when someone is like that and dump them asap bad people are often easy to meet, because they will keep on latching on to people until they're told to fuck off I guess that you just have to find good people and try to keep friendships with them going
Thanks everyone for the kind words. <33 I think everyone is right in that I attract the wrong people. I'm not in high school anymore, I'm actually 20, and it's been bothering me lately because I suddenly had just one friend, but he's a very very good one, so I don't know if I'm sad about it anymore because the very good friends are hard to come by. Also, I've been dealing with depression for 6 or so years, finally starting to really recover, but it seems to be a rollercoaster. I'm starting therapy tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. The good news is I'm hanging out with a cool person from my work this weekend. And with some old ones I lost connection with. Yay!
My problem with keeping friends is once they move away or I move away its just hard to keep in contact with them. I always have ambitions to go and see them but once thu develop their lives away their life changes and you inevitably lose contact. Especially me more so with no social networking.
I completely know how you feel. I'm 23 and I moved around a lot and went to 3 different high schools, one of which was over seas, so when I went to university (also over seas) I didn't have any friends. I basically spent a whole year alone. When I finally did make friends there I felt like we were really close, but then I moved back home to Canada after I graduated and it was like they forgot about me, I never hear from them, even if I send a message first. Even when I flew over to see people I didn't really see anyone. In my experience it's been incredibly difficult to make new friends once you're out of high school or college. Fortunately I've been able to get back in touch with a girl I went to middle school with, and I made another friend that I met randomly, but we only seem to hang out once every few months or so. I'm going to start therapy soon too, and it's really cool that you've managed to get hold of some people! Yeah but basically I really understand how difficult and how incredibly sad it is to not have any friends. <3
All I can say is that it really takes time to find true friends in your life. But that's all it takes, give it some time you'll be back and bumpin in no time.
