So, I used to be the most bloodthirsty God-condeming asshole that ever walked the earth. I hated my life, and viewed myself as the ant beneath God's magnifying glass. I wanted everyone to hate God as much as I did. Man, I was dead wrong to do so. My atheism was a product of anger. After some harrowing events in my life the last years I have come to the revelation that I was the manufacturer of my sorrows and hate. Once I found ways to let those emotions go....I literally felt a floodgate open in my heart and let Jesus in. I have never felt so alive! 21 years of turning my back on God! I cannot believe I made it that far. I now see why I suffered so. To make me a better Christian. I have seen life blind to God's love, which I believe is a hell all by itself. I believe the Lord has been conditioning me all this time to serve him. Knowing that anger, that confusion, and that pain gives me a unique perspective that I feel is part of my calling to serve God. I don't know how I will do this yet. I have a few thoughts. Possibly becoming a priest, monk, or deacon. I'd like to hear from anyone who has a similair story, knows of ways to serve the Lord, and just general thoughts on vocations. Please don't troll me. I am praying for an honest discussion about faith and serving Jesus.
isn't that humbly a positive ? keep it . so ... instead of a motor bike hey! get a donkey . to travel is your good instinct . god loves you , donkey loves you , i love you ... and many people will want to meet you along the way . some will seek your gift , some will invite you to stay with them forever . well , maybe this is just a happy holiday fruitcake recipe . Once I found ways to let those emotions go.... is counseling your gift ? perhaps you would consider adopting a dicipline , such as , enrolling in a course at the monastery .
I come from a spiritual family. Three of my aunts are nuns and my father initially trained as a priest. When I was younger I myself wanted to become a nun as well. From listening to their experiences I have realised it is not an easy path. I think to be honest they regret the time they spent working so hard. It requires a lot of self-denial. For me personally I believe there are a lot of different ways to serve God and you can follow a "vocation" while still living in the secular world. I almost think you can make more of an impact that way than in a spiritual vocation such as the priesthood. However I am not discounting the good or comfort that can be found in this way of life either. I recommend taking your time with this decision especially if you still suffer from low self-esteem. Read, pray and look inward. God Bless!
Good going Dionysus. If you do decide to go for it 100%, you will be a very admirable person in my book. Try to be kind, be charitable and be thankful for everything. Vocations are a tough thing to deal with. It could be a momentary whim or a true calling. I would say talk to a priest or someone in your local church community. Good luck.
Re: serving God We are all called to this, regardless of vocation. Currently I am living the vocation of marriage. I have been discerning a possible vocation to the permanent diaconate for the last couple years (requires a steady job I do not have 100% yet as well as age restrictions). The clergy and religious are honourable and necessary vocations for Mother Church. I can keep you in my prayers.
