What are the chances that she's pregnant?

Again, thank you whitterbug for your support. I wanted to comment earlier but alot was going on and I couldnt find the time to post

Yesterday morning I got up about 6:30 and drove to her house. I barely slept the night before but still made it by about 7. Bernadette was waiting for me at the front door. Her family was gonna be out for a few hours so we had time to take as many tests as needed. We went straight to the bathroom and I gave her the cups and tests (two first response, two clear blue). I stood outside with the door half open to make sure she did it right. When she finished we went into her room nd waited. It took so long, but after five minutes or so they were done. We looked at each and

All four came out positive.

I seriously almost passed out. So many thoughts are going on in my head right now that they're making me sick. I just feel numb and keep thinking how this couldve happened. She and I haven't spoken much since yesterday. I told her I wanted some space, and time to myself to think. We're gonna meet up someplace on the weekend to talk thoroughly about what were gonna do. I was raised catholic and believe strongly in my faith, but thoughts of abortion keep coming into my mind. If not that then I don't know how I'm gonna live through this ordeal. I feel an absence of God and very alone

I just keep drawing up blanks about what the next step should be. There's no way I can tell my folks about this. i can't even get the nerve to try and see my girl after she stopped answering my calls. I'm in so deep and cant get out of it.

 

Relax buddy. You're in a tough spot, but not one that you can't get through. Take it one step at a time. Meet up with her this weekend and see what she has to say. Then go from there.

 

You're welcome.
Remember there are three options...you can abort it, put it up for adoption, or raise it. I too, am against abortion except in the case of being raped but I also respect the mother's right to do what she feels is the best choice for her. In that case, you might not have to tell your parents if you don't want to. It just depends. It'll be scary and awkward for both of you. Telling your parents may be a good idea though. They may be mad, but they'll appreciate that you came to them about it and may be able to help with the decision, the stress, and getting whatever ya'll decide on taken care of. Adoption is wonderful for people that don't like the idea of abortion and are not ready for a child. You can give it to someone that might not otherwise be able to have children and they would appreciate it so much. And you can choose to get updates if you want so you can still see them grow up. I know you aren't to keen on keeping it either way, but when people are faced with this decision, I ask that they consider all their options. Raising a child is one of the best things you can do with your life. Nothing will make you feel more accomplished or proud than seeing them grow into a great person and knowing it's because you're the one they learned it from. You can still do the things you want to do in life, they just will take more work. The harder you work for something, the more rewarding it is. It would be worth it in the end. Like I said, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason just takes a bit of figuring out.
Even though you don't like this girl, this is just as scary for her as it is for you so make sure you support her on whatever you two decide to do. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you can't be there for her. It'll make it a lot easier on the both of you either way.
I'd wait until you've talked to this girl and figured out what you want to do before you talk to your girlfriend if I were you. If you don't know what to say, I will be more than happy to offer my opinion then too.
I just hate seeing people in stressful situations, I have to at least try to help. :/

 

You still don't know that it's your kid. So there's no need stressing out yet. I wouldn't even think about it until she decides what she's going to do. If she decides to have the baby, then you have to start preparing that it very well could be yours.

If she elects to get an abortion, then you won't have to worry at all. So just wait it out and try not to dwell on it too much. If she's going to have the baby, then you start making your preparations (at that point you can talk to your family, etc. if you choose) in the case the paternity test determines you're the dad.

Hopefully it all works out for the best in the end. But whatever happens, I wouldn't just blindly accept that it's your kid based on her word after a one night stand. GET A PATERNITY TEST.

 

I agree with xxaru, a paternity test wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

I take it you mean she has to decide if she is going to have the baby or not.

 

No I meant he has to determine (as in figure out) what she's going to do. So he was the correct use there.

 

I'm 6 months in to my second unplanned pregnancy myself so I can relate to this. I was 20 the first time and and 29 this time, so I wasn't a kid either time, but I know first hand how distressing it can be to both parties.

My first one, we had talked about accidental pregnancy and agreed that we'd have an abortion if it happened. I was young and felt bullet-proof and didn't really think it would happen. When I saw a positive pregnancy test, the very first thing I knew was that I couldn't have an abortion. I just couldn't do it. But I didn't want to have a kid, so I decided to put her up for adoption. It was a huge ordeal going through pregnancy, childbirth, adoption and 6 months of depression. But now, 9 years later, I'm super satisfied with my decision, I gave her life, I gave her family a child, I get to see her grow up happy and healthy without any personal burden.

Even though I was happy with my decision, now I was *SURE* that if I got pregnant again, I'd have an abortion. I did NOT want to go through it again. I was certain. Then late this summer I thought, "shit, I'm late. I think I might be pregnant" and I was actually PLANNING to have an abortion. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I'm gonna have a baby boy in 3 months and I'm gonna keep this one and try to be good to him and raise him to be a good man.

I'm totally pro-choice. I just can't bring myself to have an abortion. When people ask me why the best analogy I can come up with is that it's kinda like punching someone in the face:

Generally wrong and unkind, sometimes more justified than others and relatively small in the grand scheme on the scale of shitty things a person can do. Still it's pretty hard to psyche yourself up for the follow-through.

MY MAIN ADVICE:

Don't pressure her to have an abortion. It is like the shittiest thing you could possibly do to this girl. You already used her and her low self-esteem for meaningless sex and (allegedly, if it's yours) helped her get into this condition of being unexpectedly pregnant. It's just mean to try to push her in any direction.

Abortion may *feel* like the only option to you, but it's not. Even if, "worst-case scenario" she has the baby and keeps it, it doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her or the kid. You can sign over all of your parental rights and have no obligation to any relationship with either of them except for maybe them getting a share of your paychecks which is like whatever, get used to it.

You are on the lucky end of this thing. You're a guy. There's nothing growing in your body. You can turn your back and walk away. So stop making this all about you.

You sir have learned have just experienced the consequences of wholly unprotected sex, a story as old as mankind itself, older even.

It's not a big deal. A drop in the bucket of the universe.

So don't be a dick about it.

 

he's the one who's pregnant and going to carry and birth the baby ?

No he's not, so it's not his decision to make it's hers.

 

That's what he said. Now he has to go figure out what her decision is.

 

Exactly, lol.

 

We got into a fight about letting me have some input on the issue, but agreed that we're gonna keep it if she's pregnant. she made an appointment for to see a doctor to confirm it. I'm building up the nerve to tell my parents after then. I'm trying my best to be civil with her but she's just always so egotistic. The concept of being a father hasn't been grasped fully in my head but im trying my best to undersatand this situation and get through it regardless.

"I will be more than happy to offer my opinion then too."

Please do

 

I DEFINITELY will no matter what.

 

I'm sorry you're in a tough spot and got into an argument over this. I'm glad to hear you will be keeping it even though you're a little freaked out. Assuming that you are in fact the father and she carries the baby full term with no miscarriage, you look at your son or daughter and be glad you did...and so will they. And when they get older, they'll be able to fully understand and tell you how much they appreciate you did and had to go through. Good luck with the appointment, maybe you'll get news that the tests were false or find out it's not yours. If they can give you a due date, you may be able to know without a paternity test. I don't know how those things go, I haven't had a child yet.
If this baby is yours and she carries it full term, you will obviously have to be able to get along with this girl. You will not agree on everything, so you need to be able to compromise on things. You need to figure out a way of talking to each other respectfully about your differing opinions or dealing with her could be a million times worse. I would advise treating her with the same respect as you would your girlfriend and be there for her as much as possible.
Maybe tell her straight up that you're not interested in ever trying to start a romantic relationship, but would like to try and be friends. You're BOTH in this situation, might as well take it on together if you can. Tell her you got her back if she's got yours. If you do fight, make sure it gets things solved. You don't need to be romantically involved, but being able to get along can only benefit you, her, and the child.
It's said that daddies don't become daddies until they see their child for the first time, so it may be until then until you do fully grasp it. Hell it could even be longer. But if you think I'm helping or you like having to someone to talk to about this, you can always ask me and I will do my best to help.
Have you talked to your girlfriend yet at all? It depends on how things have went with you two recently what might help with that.
And yes, you will get through it just fine. You'll grow from it, you'll learn, you'll become stronger, more patient, and lots of other things. Try finding as many positives as you can think of to this, it may help you feel better if you're down or stressed.

PS, sorry I type so much all the time. Lol.

 

I guess theres no denying it anymore. The OBGYN said that Bernadette is pregnant when we went to see her on monday. They took a urine and blood sample, then did a cervical examination on her after the weighing. The doctor was very nice, but she told us nonetheless that based on the urine test, last menstrual date (dec 29) and an enlargement of the uterus, she is pregnant and at about 8 weeks. They estimated she'll be due on October 5th. That would mean sometime in the week of Jan 7. she conceived. I'm worried because we had sex on the day of the twelfth.

The blood test results will be coming in by the next week, and the doctor scheduled an appointment 2 weeks from now for a follow up in which she can use an ultrasound for a more accurate result.

 

Now let's get down to the serious question, what is the Kid going to be called? If the lady is an Oaf and you are an Idiot would the kid be a twit?

 

Her attitude does me no favors, but believe me Im working on being there for her as much as possible. I find it easier talking to her on the phone at night. Mostly about how she's feeling and if she needs anything. At the gynocologist's office the doctor talked us through what foods she should be eating, and the possible need for iron, and I felt like this situation was getting more and more real for the both us.

And I agree, respect has to be there. If anything, i'm trying to think clearly and do right for this child that may be mine.

 

I really don't need this kind of shit right now dude. Seriously, it's not funny.

 

I went to see her on Friday as she was leaving her job. I've never seen her so mad at me in my life.

She didn't want me to be there but there honestly wasn't any other way I could see her. I brought her an agave plant (because it was always her and her mom's favorite) and she just tossed it aside on the floor. She didn't even look at me. She told me that i wasn't a man because i cheated on her with someone else and that she wasn't gonna put up with me anymore when she doesn't deserve it. I told her she was right and that I shouldn't have let things get so bad. I told her how much I missed her and what she meant to me, how alone i felt, that we needed eachother. She just shook her head and said there was no way we can be together now because of what happened, and that If i had any respect for her, I'd just leave her alone and stop trying to talk to her. That request tore me up hard. I was there hoping she would understand where i'm coming from, but it didn't happen.

I'm trying to respect her wishes and leave her alone. I just don't want to make things any worse for her or me right now by pushing her when she doesn't want me there.