i have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, since the day i met him at work. we're still working together at his familys restaurant and we've been living together for about 5 months. im 19 hes 21. despite how much of our time is spent together, we still enjoy each other's company and we're very communicative with each other. however lately ive done some soul searching as a result of my jealousy towards this new girl they hired at work. jealousy nurtures such a wild imagination and when i looked over the things that came to mind in regards to the new girl or how doubtful i became of myself, i realized how low of a self esteem i actually have. the new girl is nice and i dont have anything against her so far. aside from her being attractive (or at least to me she is) the qualities i saw in her that made me jealous was how confidently she presents herself and her positive attitude. noticing the latter quality in her just made me feel shitty about myself because although ive never been diagnosed for depression i would say that throughout my adolescence ive suffered some degree of depression and ive always been a bit pessimistic, negative. my boyfriend knows my past and he understands how i am, i talk to him about depression and ive even told him that i worry that he might see me as an emotional baggage or whatever. ive come a long way from my past but there are still parts of me that i need to work on. i was especially jealous of her positive attitude because i feared that maybe my boyfriend would notice it too and find that attractive in her, in comparison to me. im not always in the best mood but at the same time my boyfriend tends to take it the wrong way when i just need to chill by myself and have space. having realized all of this so quickly has motivated me to improve my way of thinking. i try to practice more self love when i feel jealous and i try to imagine myself being calm in the what id thought would be the worst outcomes of this relationship. when im able to imagine and accept myself in those situations, they dont seem as bad anymore. and it's weird to feel okay like that. ive been feeling a little better about myself and i feel that emanating the good qualities i envy in the girl helps. the problem is that now im around her most of the time at work and id be lying if i said i didnt feel slightly bothered at all when i see my bf with her. it takes time to like meditate my mind and to keep calm and in the moment of jealousy, my thoughts are impulsive and my perception becomes skewed so sometimes im left not knowing what to believe. i try not to think too much. should i open up to my boyfriend about my jealousy towards her, and how ive come to realize the low self esteem i have ? sometimes i wonder if i should even be in a relationship or at least right now. i dont want things like that to get to me and clearly there are things i have to work on. i love my bf but as much as i try to forgive myself and as far as i've come, a part of me still thinks of myself as an emotional baggage
It sounds to me like being in a loving relationship is exactly what you need. It should help you to feel good about yourself.
You don't need to be single to work on yourself, and it sounds like you're doing a great job. Positive vibes and actions lead to more positive thoughts and feelings. Just keep on trying to be the person you want to feel like.
I think you're on the right track on just working on your inner-game and mindset about just being positive for the sake of being positive. I also would recommend you tell your boyfriend that you are a little jealous, just so that he's aware of it. But don't morph into the super clingly girlfriend that is controlling or hovering over him, that'll work against you in a big way. To a certain extent you do have to trust your boyfriend not to cross that line. And you also have to begin loving yourself simply for the reason that you exist. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile every morning, and tell yourself all the positive good qualities about yourself that you have going for yourself. Another way to look at it is to tell yourself all the BAD things that you have avoided. (You don't have cancer, you don't have a stalker who is threatening you, you aren't homeless, you were not kidnapped and abused) Use the pessimistic side of yourself acknowledge all the bad things that exist in life, and rule out all of those things you did not experience. It helps you look at the sunnier side of your life.
