15 years and still waiting to feel good

At 13 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. After countless pills and getting sick from the side effects/withdrawals, I am still no closer to feeling any better. It's gotten so bad I'm on ss disability because of it. I see a therapist twice a week and I'm getting nothing from her and I've expressed it. My psychiatrist just switched me to 200 mg/day of Wellbutrin and I am just coming off of Trileptal. I am having really bad dizziness where I get nauseous enough to throw up. I pray every night that one day I'll wake up feeling happy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have any friends to talk to and my husband keeps asking when I'm going to feel better because now it's having an effect on him. I feel so alone. Can anybody share their experiences with depression/anxiety? I just want to talk to somebody.

 

Hi lizard, sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Do you know what caused/ is causing your depression? I was depressed from about 14-20 years old. Today I consider myself to be mostly anxiety and depression free. Medication helped, but I think it was the change in mindset that did the trick. Honeslty the Wellbutrin helped a lot. The energy boost it gave me pushed me to do healthy things daily i.e working out, eating right, keeping my life organized, thinking of goals I can acomplish, and opening me up to trying new things. Not to say it was JUST the medication, but I believe it helped get the ball rolling.

You need to find the root of your depression and fix that first. I also found that keeping myself busy helped a lot. Give yourself a routine of things to do, things that you can be proud of doing. Try taking up a new hobby, something rewarding like an instrument, photography, or painting. I heard that people who are depressed/longely get pets to make them feel needed. My mother (a single mom) did this and it helped her a lot. Just try your best to think positive and keep telling yourself you'll get better. Fake it till you make it!

Think of it this way... ask yourself, are you happy with your life? If not, why? Is it something you have direct control over or not? If you have control over it, you can change it. If it's something from the past think of it like this: what does worrying or dwelling on things in the past do for you? Does it improve your situation in any way? No. It only makes your situation worse... nothing positive comes from worrying about the past. So try to move on and forget about it... thinking about it can't change a thing. You're only 28 and you've got a whole lot longer to live. Be the positive change in your life! No one can solve your depression but you.

 

At least you have a husband... so you have SOMEONE. Some people have nobody to turn to.

 

Your response really rung true with me. I can't put my finger on why I'm depressed and I do happen to look in my past and regret a lot of my decisions. The only thing I can think of that fuels my depression is my lack of self-esteem. I'm trying to work on it. I've been making some changes though, I took up crocheting which I'm enjoying and I'm starting to get back into my photography. I'll be seeing my psychiatrist in a few weeks and he's going to increase my Wellbutrin to 400 mg/day so maybe that will really kickstart me. My mantra is "just let go". I swear I'm going to get a tattoo of that to remind myself I have to get rid of the coulda, woulda, shouldas

 

That is true! I am so grateful for him.

 

You are right! I am so grateful to have him. I just wish he didn't have to take on the stress of the keeping the house up on days when I can't even get out of bed.

 

i've found the most helpful things for me have been to try and exercise every day, to eat healthy foods, to limit alcohol and drugs (especially when you're feeling bad), and to establish a regular sleeping pattern.

obviously these things aren't going to suddenly flip a switch in your brain and make you feel better, but they'll at least give you a fighting chance. it's also good to take a vitamin B supplement (especially B12) occasionally and maybe try taking fish oil pills if you're not getting enough omega 3.

 

That's what I'm currently working on. I went on Weight Watchers but I don't have enough energy to exercise. I'm going to the doctor to get a blood test done to see what I'm deficient in and then I'll take some supplements. Last time it was Vitamin D which can make you tired as well so maybe it's a combination of things. I just got my sleep pattern under control because the withdrawal symptoms from the med I was coming off of was insomnia but I think it's out of my system totally now. Every day just feels the same at this point.

 

even if you don't have the energy to go to a gym and exercise, try going for a short walk. even if you go out and walk around for 5 minutes, at least you're getting some fresh air and sunlight.

don't worry if you don't have the energy for more than a few minutes at the start, you'll build up your energy and be able to do a little bit more each day. and remember to give yourself credit for your accomplishments. it's okay to feel good about doing something you get out to do, even if it's just walking to the store or around the block.

 

I've been in the mood to walk but the weather isn't cooperating at the moment. I wish Spring was here. That's also something I've been trying to do is to acknowledge my accomplishments no matter how small. Going through something so long has really extinguished my hope at this point.