Is sexual attraction important in a relationship?

So I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks. He's great; really sweet, funny, and we get on exceptionally well. However we slept together for the first time the other night and I just did not enjoy it. There was no fire, not even a spark. I have realised since then that I simply am just not sexually attracted to him. He is good looking and I do really like him (which I have told him), but surely sexual attraction is an important part of a relationship too? Do you think I should give him one more try? Is it shallow to break it off with someone because the sex is bad? I just really want that intense sexual desire for someone, I am a very sexual person and I just felt very disappointed that it wasn't enjoyable. What are your thoughts on this?

 

If good sex is important to you, then you should search for someone with whom you are sexually satisfied.

 

It will not work out, end it now. Bad sex can improve, but without the basic sexual attraction and desire you will always feel something lacking, especially when you encounter people who you are attracted to.

 

It is important, but it should also not be the majority of the goal of determining the health and start of a relationship either. That's the flip side of the coin in the situation you find yourself in now, it's the inverse problem.

Hence, sex in an unhealthy relationship my be completely multi-orgasmic but is toxic in all other aspects. Just keep that in mind.


You can give that other guy another chance if you want to, and try exploring other reasons why the sex isn't great. Was he giving the sex act 100% his best effort in foreplay, communication, patience, and physical endeavors?

Regardless of those questions above I would break it off before he accuses you of leading him on emotionally. (yes guys get emotional too)

Also can I propose the 3rd option and ask why do you feel the need to have a boyfriend right now?

 

It's not that I feel the need to have a boyfriend right now. I just mean that when I meet someone who I want to be with emotionally as well as physically, I want that deep sexual attraction and desire as well.

 

^^^
This

 

Alright, well I guess I just want to let you ponder over the difference between lust and love.

Do not mix and match the meaning of the two as most people often do and once in the relationship the passion takes a nosedive and the relationship goes south and people get hurt.

Just be aware of that and best of luck.

 

No spark, no relationship.

 

Maybe he just isn't that good in the sack, and because of that you think you aren't sexually attracted to him. You did say that you began to think this way after you had sex. Try having sex a few more times, if nothing comes of it, then you should end it.

 

^ If you go this route MAKE SURE YOU ARE PROTECTED from pregnancy and STD/STIs!!!!!

There's a lot of different routes you can take.

 

Sexual attraction is important, if you like that feeling of wanting to enjoy their body. You like looking at them and knowing that you can't wait to get your hands on them.

If you don't care about sex and are happy not having that spark, then go for it.


I have dated people that I wasn't sexually attracted to in the past. I have tried to force the attraction, but it doesn't work. Sex even used to hurt with people that I wasn't attracted to.

If you already know how it is now, are you willing to keep going like this for even longer?

 

Yeah it is. I crushed on this chick for like 5 years but when we finally got together there was no sexual spark. Everything else was perfect but it couldn't work without that .

 

It really depends on which voice of yours controls the show.

Your instinctive voice will probally be a lot louder than your conditioned one, or your intellectual one. I am the same. I have a high sex drive and need to be sexually attracted on some level to a partner. If you don't listen to it then you will only set yourself up to cheat. One day someone will come along and bring out the passion in you, and you will then end up cheating.

And no it's not wrong to have more Instinctive thinking.

 

I think it's very important. I dated my best friend for a LONG time and I wasn't sexually attracted to him. We broke up alot, mainly because I didn't have any romantic passion for him- just really strong platonic bond. I had hopes that I'd eventually develop attraction towards him which is why we kept getting back together but it never happened. I say if you guys have sex a few more times and you still feel the same way then it would be best to end it early. You don't want to lead him on/waste each other's time.

 

why shouldnt it?

 

I went through a similar situation. I kept hoping that the attraction would eventually grow, but it never did.

The reverse can happen when you're strongly attracted to someone in the beginning, but the attraction fades years later.

 

Because lots of relationships fail if the foundation and expectation is that the intense attraction needs to always be there years down the road. Other aspects matters, other than sexual attraction matters if you want a relationship.

Anything else, a fuck buddies or fwb situation will do but I don't see that as a relationship, I see that as an arrangement of sorts.