Hey Alexis, As you will recall, you were in my class last summer. You can call me by my first name if you'd like.* It might seem less weird to be on a first name basis if you're open to the offer I have for you. Have you taken the capstone course yet?* If not, and you're planning on taking it this summer, it turns out I'll be teaching it.* Why don't you enroll in my class?* I would enjoy having you in the course.* You have a very nice smile. Alternatively, you could enroll in the class and take care of all the requirements a month or two ahead of time.* You could pick a day -- I'm flexible.* Wear something sexy and come to my office at around 9pm on that day.* Here are some possibilities: For a C: strip to bra and panties and allow me to satisfy myself while watching you strip.* I'd jerk off under the table so you wouldn't have to see my dick. For a B-: same as above, but with a lap dance and a body rub; let me fondle your breasts and pussy.* For a B+: same as above but get down on your knees and suck my dick.* Don't worry; my dick is only 5 inches in length so there shouldn’t be any discomfort or gagging.* Please no condom -- I'm clean.* I'd wipe off my dick really well with a couple of baby wipes before you came in so it wouldn't be smelly or sweaty.* You wouldn't have to fake enjoying yourself; just don't frown or act like you're disgusted by my hairiness.* It would be good if you could suck it for approximately 5-6 minutes.* It often takes me awhile to come due to the antidepressant I'm taking, so I wouldn't require that you suck me to completion.* But you would need to be present until I finished. For an A-: let me take off all of your clothes and fuck you doggy-style.* If you're sensitive about your breasts, we can leave your bra on.* (I'll leave my shirt on as my chest and back are hairy and not conducive to a sexy environment.)** Then let me pump your pussy (with a condom, don't worry.) I was thinking probably the easiest way to do this in my office is with you leaning over my desk with your butt facing me.* This is a good position for two reasons: (1) its less intimate than missionary style as you don't have to look at me; and (2) I’ll have a great view of your ass, which I think is your best feature.* If you choose this option, my hope is to get a good rhythm going with my body slapping against your backside as I try to muffle my groans so as not to arouse the suspicion of anyone in the hall.* I'd definitely like to climax before starting to worry about the possible repercussions of doing this. For an A: Sex, but with a good performance on your part. By good performance, I mean that you behave as though you initiated the fantasy. Maybe some light kissing. For an A and a stellar recommendation: Like an A, except with blowjob as well as sex. If you happen to choose options B+ through A: prepare yourself for my commentary, which is almost certainly going to be "oh fuck yeah......Alexis.... Oh yeah.. oh fuck yeah." Just 6 minutes of that and then sit and watch as I jack myself off while staring at you.* I would be very careful not to cum in your face or get my semen on your body. Let me know either way sexy! If it makes you feel better i could buy you a drink beforehand.
I'll say it again, no professor no matter how much of a lech he is will put this down on paper and subject himself to likely dismissal and possible legal action. In my mind someone has cooked this up to stir you up as a prank.
Whoever wrote this has a good sense of humor, I'll give him/her that. But there are far too many self-depricating revelations here (antidepressant use, short penises) to for one second think this a genuine invitation. And yes, if you're bright enough to be a professor you should be be bright enough to not write anything like this down on paper, and make the young woman in question swallow the evidence - I.e. no going home with that cum-stained dress, ms Lewinski
i'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you will never be a professional writer (or even a popular amateur).
well, like others mentioned, it's just not remotely believable. if it's supposed to be parody or satire, i just don't get what it's supposed to be referencing. i don't get the professor character's motivation, unless he is explicitly trying to get fired. the whole sending such a letter, along with basically the entire contents of the letter, pretty much guarantee that none of what he requests in the letter could ever possibly occur. really, it's hard to critique it without knowing what the point of it was supposed to be. if it's supposed to be erotic, it's just too silly and needlessly graphic and self-deprecating for that purpose. if it's supposed to be satire, i guess maybe it's good but i clearly missed whatever it's making fun of. if it's supposed to be realistic, then everything about it is wrong. also, this isn't a critique but i forgot to ask before. are all the asterisks supposed to mean something?
presumably that's where the author intended to write something worthwhile. The rest of that piece is neither clever nor amusing.
Sounds like something I would do to fuck around with someone I know lol By that I mean play a joke on someone using letters like these
The intention was merely as a parody or silly piece aspiring to be something like what you might find in The Onion. There are pieces in the form of letters that you find in the onion that it adores toward.
