Ever since I graduated from high school, my mom has been always shit talking everything I do. I havent had a paycheck job since 17, school got in the way and she's all over me about it. I go to school and make A's and B's and its not good enough for her when I'm all happy about it. and it tears me to pieces. I chose education over a job like at mcdonalds TO better my chances of a better job. and honestly to have a better life then what my mom has, but i didnt tell her that. I never do anything to her, I clean the house, I do everything she asks me to. It's not enough. She acts like i give her such a big problem and i dont. I know better.. Shes all over my ass because I dont make $100 more each week. It's crazy. Any job I apply for or talk about or get offered, I get comments from her like "yeah, right! you show me you can work a job and we'll see then" I just got a job offer bartending down the street. i was beyond happy and now i just feel like shit. On the verge of crying. I cant see how she sees me as irresponsible. I got 3 loans im paying off, my car, my gas, my insurance, i feed myself. All I have from her is a house. She said this comment today and she said it again last night, when i wasnt even talking to her. about the next college im going to in a year and here she is "ha! yeah right!" Everyone just awkwardly looked at her and my sister lashed out on her. She did it in front of my dad and my dad got a little upset. I dont know why she does this. I'm use to it now but it hurts like hell still. I'd never treat my son or daughter that way. I'd motivate them and phrase they are going to school and having dreams. I need some advice on how to handle this cause all i do is shake my head and have a lump in my throat...
Stacy, I had a step dad who did he same thing no matter what I did I didn't do it right or he would have done it a different way. I never got a "good job" or "I am proud of you" but I worked my ass off just to prove to him and myself that I could do it and I could be succeseful. Looking back I now think it was his way to motivate me and I might have to agree with him and say that it worked. I make a point to tell my kids all the time that they have done a great job and that I am very proud of them. It really makes them happy to hear it and I never tell them that I would have done it any differently. From what I know about you and what you have said I feel that you are doing a great job and you will have a great future. I also know that when you have kids they will have a great mom. Hang in there and do your best at what you do and be proud of what you accomplish. You are the only person you have to prove anything to!
My dad is the same way and I think it's beacuse he has alot of regrets with the way he chose to live his own life and I sense some jealousy there. Could be the same with your mom but who knows. I honestly thing showeing her what you just wrote or telling her exactly what you just posted here would be your best bet. I'm sorry you are going through this, I know how it feels. Sometimes I feel great and then spend an hour with my dad, and depending the mood he's in, I can be depressed for a week after that. Shitty deal. Maybe consider moving out if you can.
Ask yourself this: Do you need her approval? Do you? Really? If yes, why do you? For me it comes down to this: we don't get to choose our families.
As long as you know you're right on track I'd just ignore her snearing if I were you. I guess this sounds not really useful if the simple fact is that it is bothering you but I used to let these things bother me as well (family letting you know how stupid your outlook and plan in life is). I just got over it when I got affirmed people do different things in life and what I do is good too. So yeah, the best thing is to tell her that her comments are tiring and you know her opinion. If my mom would keep on going with such negative remarks I guess I would not avoid confrontation and tell her what I think of her... if this does not make the situation better point out how it got so far. Not the ideal solution I think but sometimes there isn't one and it's best to turn the tables
Perhaps she is tearing you down because you are achieving more than she ever did and it grates here. It seem like the rest of the family sees what she is doing so you aren't alone. Talk to your father about getting your mom the shut the fuck up. My parents were the same way. I moved to the other side of the planet and if they criticize me on anything I hang up the phone and if they do it via email I don't reply. They got the hint pretty quick that I could give a fuck less about their opinion. I make more money then them combined and have vacationed in so many exotic countries I have to get a new passport every 4 years because there is no room for new stamps in it. I know that you are broke with all your student loans so you can't just move out and ignore your mother but don't let her get you down..... haters got to hate... The best revenge is to live a great amazing life just to spite haters.
Tazer--- I honestly dont think its a very good teaching method because I just wanna drink then. she stresses me out so much. i make A's on my tests and it doesnt even phase me now that last paragraph made me smile. i love hearing people tell me ill be a great mom. i hear the opposite from my family :/ Shiv and ghost--- i agree with you guys. its something about her life, she didnt finish college, i think she went to one semester and went to bartend. she could be taking it out on me asmodean--- i came to the conclusion just to stay away from her, do my own thing and see what happens in my life maybe she'll come back and apologize, maybe not. either way im not looking for any thing grain--- that shut the fuck up part made me crack up. at times i wanna tell her to just shut up, that shes not helping anyone by her negativity. she told me years ago she never wanted a kid, that she got pregnant with me on the pill. I was speechless. yes it went that far. completely heart broken. by my father too. saying im in lala land cause i want my car fixed so i can get to school. none of them went to college. none of them support it, think its a waste of time. I'm just a target to them. thank you for all the advice, im gonna use this for myself and vow never ever treat my kids like this.
^^ This , well said Tazer We can't choose our parents . And many times we can't understand them . Or they their children sometimes . Listen it sounds like you turned out pretty well . So in some ways she raised you to be what sounds like a pretty good person . Be proud of what you have accomplished with education thus far . She's done a good job and provides a roof for you . And I'm sure you can see these things and respect her for it . The only person you need to prove anything to in this life is yourself . And if you're happy with you , don't sweat the little shit . Take the bartending gig , don't let her upset you . Believe me , your lucky and blessed . Because I can tell you my kin are the poster children for dysfuntion . And no matter how she hurts your feelings , or is a pain in the ass . Believe me when I tell you some others have it much worse . Count your blessings and thank God , you have the brains ,ability and education to have a better way of of life then she did . Or her people prob. did. You seem intelligent , level headed , caring ,and on the right track . And that my dear is the defination of good parents . Bescause without the proper base and structure , it's hard to overcome shit mountains slippery ass slopes . Take it from somebody who knows . She's your mom , and I know she loves you , guarantee it . And it's clear you love her . And even though she's a pain in the ass sometimes as they all are . And lets face it , sometimes we are too . She's the only mother you're ever going to have . And it seems like to me , from what you have written she has done her job well .
If parents made it easy for adults to live at home, we'd all be hanging out in our mom's basement forever.
Time to go out on your own. 20 years from now the role will be reversed. Remember it. Life is hard. Mean people suck. By the way, I have a Bachelor's degree and a full time job and I have friends who tend bar and make more money than me. Dealing with drunk assholes can be tedious, but so can working with fucking soulless morons in some office. There's no shame in working at a pub - it's an honest living and it's a skill that you can find you gainful employment anywhere, and that's no small asset these days.
Parents can suck yes. My mom was such a bitch to me, I couldn't wait to leave. All I can say is hold your head up high and don't let her get ya down, prove her wrong whenever you can.
sometimes it's really hard for parents to get over the fact that they can't control what you do or how you live your life and it manifests in the form of them criticizing you and all of your decisions. if you are in school, do your best not to pay any attention to her and keep your head down and study. i didn't go to school until later, and i regret it, hang in there man
you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. work hard, and dont waste money, and you will move ahead quickly. strive to be as debt free as possible. use credit wisely. and move out as soon as you can. a bartending job is fantastic, be friendly and happy and you will make good tips. she sounds like the kind of person who will always be putting you down. but you are an adult, and you dont have to take that crap. how much you make, or what sort of job you work, are none of her business. some adults have a tough time transitioning from parent, to combination parent/ adult peer. she should have space to come to grips with the change, as should you. you will either grow apart, or grow to appreciate each other more. life on your own isnt easy, but isnt impossible. a little studio apartment can be affordable. we just bought a house, on one income. there are many obstacles, and many ways to overcome them.
