what is your opinion

what do you guys think of openish relationships? are they healthy or is it destructive?

 

That all depends on the couple involved in the relationship. There's no right or wrong answer to that question. Some people are not meant to be in monogomous relationships, and likewise, open relationships and multiple partners are not right for some other people. Everyone is different, and what works in one relationship could destroy another. Some people are suited to being with just one partner, and some people are not suited to that. It's all down to the individuals involved.

 

Totally agree with awiseman here.

The basic difference is how you define your loving relationship. Do you possess the other person, and in turn agree to be possessed by them? This is really what monogamy boils down to, and no doubt, it works for so many people. There is nothing wrong with this at all. This is how you feel. This is how your partner feels. This is how you should live.

When you look at the bigger picture, and when you see the extent of cheating that is going on in real life, you soon realize that something may be wrong with the monogamy. Or that so many people are wrong?

There is plenty of evidence in evolutionary terms to suggest that the men have been hardwired to spread their seed as far and as wide as possible. The evolutionary cost of a sexual intercourse for a male is absolutely minimal. At that evolutionary price range, males can afford, (and do so) to mate with as many partners as possible.

With females, the evolutionary cost of sexual intercourse is very significant. That is why females tend to be the louder advocates of monogamy. Again, this is simple evolutionary hard-wiring.

In their quest for recognition and respect, gays started adopting the monogamous hetero-styled model of monogamy once the flower power waned, and the age of universal respectability dawned on us. This worked small miracles in receiving acceptance. The heterosexual majority started cherishing the idea that the gay guys are NOT having more fun than everyone else. Heterosexual males started seeing monogamous m2m as being somewhat akin to the their supposedly monogamous life style. The element of envy was largely gone.

This goes on to say that for the guys seeking admittance and recognition as in some sort of wider acceptance, monogamy (or at least, its pretense) may have additional attraction.

For those among the gay men who understand that the acceptance is both very limited and highly conditional the matter of monogamy is of lesser importance.

KD

 

If you're up for an open relationship, you also have to be up for your spouse leaving you for someone more sexually compatible for her.

 

True.

If she feels like looking for someone who is more sexually compatible, she is already doing so. Nothing will stop her. That's one of the reasons for the very high divorce rates.

KD

 

Destructive (IMO). I lived with my lover for almost five years. We both promised we would only have sex with each other (especially since this was during the 1980s. AIDS was a death sentence. Now it's considered a chronic disease...), but I eventually found out that my lover was having anonymous sex with men he met up with at adult book stores. So I moved out, got my own place -- and was totally relieved when my HIV test results were negative. We remained close friends until his death (complications due to AIDS). But I will forever be haunted by the terrible way he died. I still miss him.

QP

 

I agree totally with Invisible soul - an open relationship will impact seriously on a previously monogamous relationship; taking a third person, or more, into any relationship will lead to significant change and depending on the couple may sound the end of it. I've been in one with my wife the last three years. But, as in my case, where one partner has same-sex desires and the other not, it may be the only way forward and can lead to an even stronger relationship; just depends on the couple.

And as KD says the female outlook is stronger-wired to monogamy, while the male is not necessarily so, tho we are all different and so there are every variation of outlook for both sexes.

And there sure is a lot of cheating going on, especially on the male side, whether with other women or looking to indulge their (I think natural) frustrated same sex desires.

So to answer the OP - can be both, but if one of the couples desires are too strong and not being satisfied then maybe destruction is necessary.

Simon :sunny: