Do you make yourself unlikeable?

So that others will choose not to be with you. Say for instance, you don't want to be the one that ends a friendship or breaks up a love relationship. So instead, you hope to be so unlikeable that the other person will break it up. That way you won't feel bad for ending it. Or have to face the discomfort of explaining. It is the choice of the other person, and ultimately you will escape having to be honest.

 

i may make myself unlikeable, but not intentionally.

the few short relationships i've had, were ended by the other party against my will. as far as friendships, i don't think i've ever consciously decided to end one. as we grow apart, the friendships just naturally seem to dissipate.

 

What Undies said.

 

Nevermind undies... I wanna hear what this shania chick has to say.

 

I'm pretty sure I had a boyfriend do this to me before. He was such a dick to me before we broke up that he really didn't leave me a choice but to break up with him.

I'm direct in relationships, probably too direct. So it really bothers me when my partner can't be equally as direct.

 

I am the same person no matter what situation I am in life! If that makes me unlikeable to someone so be it. I am not going to make myself unhappy to try and make someone else unhappy. If I am not interested in being around someone for whatever reason I just don't do it anymore. Life is to short to live in a negative environment.

 

I'm not like this, but knew someone who was.

Her philosophy had something to do with the idea that everyone always leaves anyway, so why bother trying to be close. Instead, she pushed almost everyone away, or at least tried, as a sort of "fuck you, I knew you going to leave, told ya so" kind of statement.

Why people would do this actually makes a lot of sense to me. I'm not like that, and I don't really like it when people are like that because it's an automatic, fundamental mistrust, but I lack trust in my own way so I do sort of get it.

 

I don't. I'm just naturally an asshole, apparently.

 

Trying to spare someone else's feelings usually ends with you causing them even more heartache when it's all said and done, than if you would've just ended it straight away in the first place.

 

No! That's a coward's way out.

 

Isn't it more awkward hanging out with the person, apparently secretly hating-their-guts & acting like a subtle bitch, hoping they get it upon your next 4 or 5 meetings?

 

I have no problem ending friendships or relationships. I'd feel more guilt about being a jerk to whomever I didn't want in my life anymore, than doing them the common courtesy of explaining, in detail if necessary, the reason I find them to be repugnant. I've never understood the practice you describe, but I have observed it on many occasions. It's a good way to really mess up another person, because you take away the potential for them to learn and grow as a person.

You essentially undermine the very necessary process of learning how to interact with other human beings, when you do this. And what's worse, is you introduce an added and unecessary element of distrust and uncertainty in the person you reject in this manner, because the method employed obscures cause and effect, and to the person who is being rejected it appears to be a random and unwarranted (an certainly mysterious) change in the person who is employing this tactic. Basically, it's cowardly, cruel and damaging, much more damaging than any expressed criticism could ever be.

One final note on this: Why the hell, as a society, are we so phobic about expressing and/or receiving criticism? I don't think it's possible to achieve any kind of real growth as a human being without feedback. How else do we orientate ourselves in a society? If you are unfortunate enough to go through your entire life, living in an "Emperor's New Clothes" type scenario, you're going to fail as a human being, because that illusion cannot be sustained. It will eventually crumble, and when that happens, it can literally destroy a person. In my humble opinion, it's the absolute worse cruelty one person can inflict on another.

 

Sounds like a time wasting game to me. (cliche alert!) Honesty is the best policy.

Don't "make yourself" anything. Be yourself. "Chips" need to fall where they may.

 

You speak the truth.

 

Thanks. Works for me.

 

This is true as well.

 

Me as well.

 

Very well said, and I completely agree. Why the phobia to express openly??? This I do know: it's a strong indication of a very neurotic socieity. One that is presumptuous and easily offended. We concentrate on what is obscure and hidden instead of pull out true understanding. Rarely do we exercise pure affection, trust, and respect when it comes to building and sustaining great relationships.

 

I blame the sin of greed and pride for these problems.

No I've never done this, but I will admit I've thought about using it as a last resort if I've got a crazy chick on me and I've already tried the honest route.