Trying to Ground myself, suggestions ?

Hey all, I will make this as short as possible as nobody likes a wall of text.

So as the title read's I have been having alot of identity issues over the past years, when I look back I believe alot of it stems from the way I appear versus the person that I really am and the people that it makes me attract.

Me:
I am 24, living with family yet own a medium sized apartment in a nice suburb which is rented, I work in an executive job where I manage a state branch of my employer.

INTERNALLY:
I am a very introverted person with many sides, I am generally approach everything I do strategically and obsessively to the point that I am mumbling out loud.

I am a massive nerd, I play games like Dwarf fortress and dungeons and dragons online, I read fantasy and obsess over scifi and fantasy.

not that odd really but externally is where it gets tricky.

EXTERNALLY:

I am 6'4, blonde hair blue eyes well defined features and according to most very very attractive.
I am normally the stand-out in the room wherever I go and most of my relationships have taken Zero effort to all people looking at me from the outside I come across as a Jock/popular kid stereotype.

(I know I sound like a jerk.....)

basically I find the people who gravitate towards me I have nothing in common with and I mostly despise, whereas the people I identify with do not typically want to get to know me.

this also affects relationships as every girl I date changes when I start to show my true face

I'm trying to find a place in society where I "Fit" but feel like I am torn between two worlds.

I just reread this post and realized I sound like a jerk/ in love with myself but I dont know what else to say..... suggestions ?

 

Be Carefull You Don't Get Blisters On Your Hand....



Cheers Glen.

 

Have you actually tried to converse with them? get to know them? Or are you expecting them to come to you?

Reason I say this is because when people find common ground there's usually no problem, and you're likely to get along at some level.

Also, are you trying to hold on to the kinda "jock" persona? everyone flocks to that so it's fair enough, but is it getting in the way of making good friends?

 

lol will keep that in mind, but seriously I am not trying to brag I am just trying to paint a picture, it sounds like a good thing but it really really is not

 

I have internet buddies from a few online games I play but nothing irl, I dont have what I think is a "Jock" persona but I force myself to be extroverted at work, and in some social situations.

when not at work I am usually quiet and observant of my surroundings.

when I was about 21 one outing that really struck me was at an event where I was described as a "meathead footballer" by a drunk guest who had known me a while, I can barely throw a football let alone catch one..... I find myself being constantly perceived as something that I am not.

 

You may just have that whole "jock vibe" thing still hanging on you. Relax and try not to get trapped in your thoughts so much. Try letting go a little bit as part of a new "strategy". I'm not telling you to reinvent yourself because it sounds like you have some good things going for you and you need to stay in touch with that side of you that got you where you are as far as mangement and so on.

So take small steps and transition your energy a little. Get on meetup.com and find a Dungeons n Dragons meetup group in your area. Most gaming groups are anxious for new players and this will put you in direct contact with the type of energy you seem to be looking for and it will rub off on you. Attend these games for awhile and make some new friends.

 

i agree with mothman, trying to find a local group to play with in person would probably be good for you. try looking on boardgamegeek.com for people around you playing games you'd like as well.

 

I read that and thought u'd been doing some electrical wiring, and were in need of some urgent advice, before accidently frying yourself...

Why do you have to "fit" a stereotype? Can't someone look like an athlete and do computer type stuff?
Leonardo da Vinci was a real clever bugger, yet he was supposedly the strongest man in Florence too.

All of us are "contradictions". For example, I mean, I'm into martial arts and stuff, but I'm also into cats
( not sexually, obviously...)

 

Get thee to a gaming store! See when they have events. Some stores will even have a bulletin board for people looking for GM's or players.

 

When I was really young I played masses of computer games. But I heard about these addictions. So I started playing less.
The problem I always thought was, what if someone got SOOOOO into something that they lost the passion for real life.

I think thats why some people criticse gamers ( unfairly infact).

As an example, I've got this lucid dreaming machine. I havent used it for ages. It flashes little lights when u are dreaming, so you are alerted, then you can control the dream and stay dreaming. Now some people would say "sounds good, whats the problem?". Well maybe nothing, I dunno, but even so, you have to wonder abit.

 

Think you're just mindfucking yourself.. at the end of the day, who gives a shit? you're not here to work around other peoples delusions of "normality". Live the way you wanna live

 

You do not sound like a jerk or self absorbed, you sound like someone your age looking for where they fit in.

Welcome to adulthood.

Seriously, you are taking stock of who you are an there is nothing wrong in doing so. We all grow into our own skin and it is journey that is life long.

Those who do not ponder, do not grow.

 

Get some Celestite. I mean a good chunk too. Maybe two pounds or so.

And save your money (after buying the Celestite of course). The ladies will find you.

 

cherity begins with accepting yourself, so i certainly wouldn't call that being a jerk in any sense of the word. being a jerk is when you are inconsiderate of others.

as for who is attracted to any of us, and who isn't, i believe that to be a roll of the dice, whatever you do or don't. so unless you're trying to build a political career, i would just take that as the way of the universe and let it go at that.

at least i've never found a reasonable and considerate way of choosing who will be attracted to me or what i do. the best one can do in that regard is to be careful to not become involved in things that will further causes which oppose whatever you might yourself value. and of course there's no guarantees there either, all one can do is attempt to be cautious.

as for enjoying and prefurring one's own company, nothing wrong with that either.

personally i see no problem beyond you're apparent emotional dependence upon human company. somewhat of a self contradiction of your inversion, or an indication that you might not be entirely happy with it.

since i am very much so (happy and content) with mine, i find i have no advice to offer in that regard.

now you mention grounding and i must confess to never entirely understanding the concept. if you mean connecting with a certainty of reality, i would say go for a walk in the woods or in a park, and reach down and pick up a handful of earth. squeeze it in your had and feel the solidness of it. even though solidness is an illusion created by subatomic forces, none the less, what you have in your hand is reality.

 

talk to a therapist.

also, there are ways of sending the messages that you want people to receive about yourself

wearing glasses could help you look nerdier.

outside of work, wearing a nerdy t-shirt could help announce your interests and personality

going to nerdy conventions might help.

on-line dating might work out well for you

good luck