A little help over here please.

I am currently close to a friend that is an alcoholic bipolar 1 &2 and trying to recover. Smoking has always been a beneficial factor, but the people in the rooms are not allowed to find this acceptable. He is working on it, life is hard especially when looking at leaving his family to get the help he needs to get life in order. It's pretty sad to have to leave a family that needs him, but the stress of his diseases makes it harder to have him around than not, even though they need a father and man to be there. He is not in the position to take on such a great task I feel as he needs to work on himself or what he has to offer will not be worth the drama of his underlying issues.

Maybe you know somebody that has overcome alcohol and could be a little support. We are not like conventional folks and it's hard to find people he can relate to on a personal level to help him make steps to getting better.
He is in central florida, but has phone and internet for anyone that may not be in this general area.
thanks and blessings.

 

sorry that your friend is going through this

sounds like your are talking about him being in AA, and that's probably a good source of support for him

there may be some on-line forums for alcohol recovery and for bi-polar

www.suicideforum.com has some sub forums for drug and alcohol recovery and for bi-polar.

"curing depression naturally with chinese medicine" by bob flaws is a good book. it may have sections on bi-polar specifically, but I'm not sure

hope that things can get better soon!

 

There are support groups that are for people with psychiatric disabilities. They aren't related to A A and aren't linked to 12 step groups. There are also dtr (doubble recovery groups) that are 12 step groups for people with mental illness and addiction issues. Traditional aa meetings tend to be difficult for people with a dual diagnosis especially if they elect to make medication a part of their recovery. Would he consider detox and rehab? Perhaps if he compleated a program returned more stable and atleast not drinking he wouldn't have to leave. Assuming home is a safe place. In any case its good he has you as a support. It is difficult for anyone to handle all of that alone. In IMO having a strong support is just as important as having the best treatment providers. I wish him a quick recovery and hope he can get his life together.

 

It's so hard to deal with sometimes. Especially the spiteful side that comes up when he's drinking. He's been one of my only friends I could truely call close, but that seems to be just me lying to myelf that he cares.

I am in a lot of pain over this and wish is was easy to just let him move on, but he's been my roommate and left me with the rent due in two days to run off to a festival and drink. We also have a daughter together so I have trusted him deeply only to be dropped for his desires.

 

It sounds like he does not want to quite . If I were in your shoes , I would tell him not to come back if he choses to drink over paying bills . Tell him that you can find some one more responsible . It sounds like he is using a few personale problems to act like a kid. desert rat
p.s. I drink some beer , but only if I know I have money to pay the bills .

 

Just a side note. Your either bipolar 1 or 2.....not both. You can be rapid cycling either of those. A bipolar 1 can sometimes seam like a bipolar 2 though. its all very confusing =D

 

It is hard to live with someone that is as troubled as he is. The way he is treating you is very unfair. I know you want to support him and help him get better. But you don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. Don't be afraid to set limits. Most importantly stick to what boundaries you set. For example , should you say, "if you drink you have to leave" don't go back on it. I have no doubt that he loves you and his child. But right now he does not respect you. He may not realize how important you are to him till he is faced with loosing you. It is not that he is a bad person he is just very sick right now. He doesn't see the harm he is doing to you. Any chance he would at least go to detox? Once the alcohol is out of his system he might start seeing more clearly. Right now it doesn't sound like he is trying at all. Detox would be a good first step. Are you getting any help for you? There are groups and counseling for people with loved ones struggling with substance addiction. They could be a great support to you. I hope he starts taking some steps to get better. All you can do is point him in the right direction. He has to want to get better. I will have good thoughts for you both.

 

When he had an evaluation this is what the dr said, so I was going on that. Sadly that's as far as it goes, he gets evaluated and then nothing else happens. He just got insurance now which he is not eligable for without us, and once he's gone will be cut off. Maybe he'll go to intreatment now while it can be paid for.

 

I have searched around the interent and messaged a few people. No response yet. Going out to alanon meetings with all my kids seems inappropriate.You guys are my most helpful. I know things will be better. It'll take time and I have accepted that I just may not be able to have him around anymore.
My other kids dad have forgotten we exist so I know I can care for them on my own(won't even pay support). Well, besides bills, I make money, but rent and utilities add up to a lot. I am thinking about gettting a roomate to keep up on bills I am just weary on moving a stranger into my house. Tax Eic comes soon and that will help make up for the loss of his income , which has only been pt for now anyways- Another part of the problem.

I have grown through this though, before I thought I had to have a man and this ideal family situation, but I can only work with what god give me and do my best with it each day.
Thank you for being here. It really means a lot to me.

 

dads have to pay up for child support

if they don't, they can be compelled to by the law

there should be some free services available to you help pursue pursue child support payments

 

They should, but don't. I have had support orders for years and the worst they do is issue a warrant because they refuse to work on the books and have it taken out of pay or pay on their own. Either go to jail or jump state to avoid paying. Child Support Enforcement so far can only help suppsend licenses, take lotto money, taxes, and on the books pay if they have it to lose. Even if they go to jail it's just taking tax payer money to give them free room, board and cable for a few months.

Aside from needing the $ to support them, I find it more sad that they don't have the emotional and physical support of a loving father.

Bonus is that it still adds up every week and maybe someday it will pay off, but nothing I rely on.

 

So long as you are getting some kind of support for yourself. You have a lot on your shoulders right now. A lot of people would collapse under the weight of everything you are dealing with. You are coping well I am sure you are a strong person. I believe things will get better for you.

I don't know how it works in FL but here there is a support collection unit at social services that quite aggressively go after parents that aren't paying child support. There is probably a similar agency down there. They don't charge anything so it is worth looking into.

Do you know if there is a catholic charites or community organization where you live? They sometimes provide one time financial asistance to help people. They might help with things like rent, utility bill or at least food. Anything that will help with getting your head above water and help prevent you from eviction, hungry, or without utilities. There are also programs to help with rent ( like sec 8 ) and other expenses as well on an ongoing basis. It's worth it to see what is out there for help even if you don't qualify for the usual programs DSS ssi, SSD etc. There may be programs your bf could apply to due to his psychiatric disability.

 

yeah, it's not fair to you, and even less fair to the kids

 

954-357-5001 is a program that helps with emergency rent assistance. They can connect you with an office in your area.

904-738-8420 the united way provides a variety of services. They will connect you to one in your county.

NAMI 561-588-3477 They can help you get help for your bf addiction problems and mental health issues.

I am trying to find some other resources for you. I hope one of those numbers will lead you in a good direction.

Sounds like it would also be good if you had more supportive people in your life for you and your family.

Does your bf show any signs that he wants help? Before he can give you and you and your children the attention you deserve he has to get better. He can get better but he has to want to.

 

im so pleased people are responding to your situation with positive conversation rather than negative nonversation. way to go guys...l.

 

good resources dalamar

you might want to add some to this thread http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=408548&f=383

 

I have you guys! ) I know nobody here where I moved his family is around, but he inherited some of this from his mother and they for some reason just go with what he says even when it is way out there.

He has been trying, but trying is not doing. I have told him many times I KNOW he can do it, it's just weather his desire to do it is strong enough.

I can't completely relate, but did quit smoking cigarettes and chemical filled foods, so know addiction is hard to overcome. You just have to grab ahold of it and say NO MORE!!

It could be wrong though for others, it's just what worked for me.

He knows these are problems, I feel it's just sorting it out and getting the bipolar in line would help a whole lot. When he's in a low I can't do anything to make it better. I wish I could just trust as he wants and expects at times, but I've been through it so much.

I want to be a support, but can't get into relationship mode anymore or guarentee it will ever happen. I have come to the point that don't know if I'll ever be able to let anyone close like that again and I'm ok with it.
Thank you for being here, you help me feel not so alone. :love:

 

he is no good for you or your children to be around. What kind of roll model
is he setting for the children. Think of them and not youself. Would you want your children to grow up and be you or him? if hes drunk all the time and comes home only when the partys over he couldnt be much fun for the children. they know things arent right the children will learn so much more
if you set down some rules about his drinking, lack of respect for you and
your children, lack of responceability. actually i would think his actions
could fall under child abuse and you could get caught up in a situation where
C.P.A. could come and take your children away from you.
]Please dont let this continue

 

I don't think you grasp this. I am obviously aware that something has to happen. He has done things to help himself, granted not enough up until this weekend. Sometimes people with mental disabilities need outside help and that's exactly what he has gotten now.

There are steps to recovery and I know even workers know this. We do not brawl and avoid even arguing in front of them. So I appreciate your consern, but feel you are coming up with things that are just not the case here.

He has also been checked into a place to help him sort all of this out now, so here's to looking up. All I can do for him is pray now and continue to do what I can for my family here.

 

That's a very good sign that he at least wants to get help. It's by no means a guarantee of success. The rest is up to him. Recovery is is a process with lots of success and failures. If he is committed to getting better he can.

Once the alcohol is out of his system I hope he will see things better.

He has the additional problem of managing his mental illness which is no doubt in part why he started drinking in the first place. I hope the place he went too will help him address his mental illness as well.

Will have good thoughts for his recovery.

Geez it has to me hard for you being in a new place dealing with all of this alone. He is lucky he has you to help. I am sure that if there is a way you will find it.