I have a problem with being clingy. Should I just give up?

Hi, I have a real issue when it comes to boundaries in a relationship. I get obsessed, and wind up doing something which scares her away.

I really want to be able to have a healthy relationship, but I find it impossible not to constantly be worrying about her, where she is, whats she's doing, who she is with etc.

I feel so helpless. I tried so hard not to be so possessive last time. Then I slipped up and she was gone.

I have Borderline personality disorder, and I know that no-one wants a 'crazy' girl as a girlfriend.

I just get so depressed. All I want is a girl to love, and to be loved in return.

Should I just give up on love? What can I do to be normal?

Thank you for reading.

 

Have you tried meds?
I'm just the opposite of clingy, I hardly call my girlfriends. I have to really love someone to be any kind of jealous, and my love is very hard to gain.
In all honesty you cannot stop people from cheating, if that's what they want to do. So worrying is pointless. And always accusing will most likely cause them to stray, I know because I've done it. That's terrible, I know.
Have you ever been cheated on, that would explain your distrust.
And don't give up on love, it can be so wonderful.
Also, maybe you should try to fill your time apart from your girlfriend, with a hobby or friends.

 

Thank you for replying

I am on meds, though there are none that completely repress my condition. They help somewhat.

I want to focus on something else, like a hobby or something, but I feel so empty inside if I'm not obsessing on someone.

I'm not concerned about cheating, I just need to know she's ok. I feel protective I suppose.

 

Stop looking to "repress" your condition with meds, try to face, understand, and alter it.

I do feel qualified to post here, being that I like girls too.

 

I can relate, I am a clingy person as well.

There are all kinds of labels one could use to describe it.. co dependent is one.

On top of that I would get with people that I really would have never gotten
with if I really got to know them. Just impulsive behavior turning into very uncomfortable
relationships with females.

I really don't like that aspect of me and wish I had some advice to tell you how to counter it or whatever but I really don't know how to overcome it.

I do things that make me whole like meditation and other healthy activities but when a female is thrown into my sights I am whacked out like you were saying obsessed.

I am comfortable being single and I think that is what I need to continue working on is being totally A OK being by myself not in a relationship.

I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship again but I am sure that my learning to be comfortable with myself will help make it easier to be in a relationship should such a thing happen.

Maybe you should just be single for a while and learn to be ok by yourself.

Patience is required.. definitely not an easy thing.

 

I guess I'll have to be single for a while then

I just feel so down when I'm alone, then I have anxiety attacks.

Oh well.

 

I actually don't find clingy girls too bad. They're kinda cute. If my girlfriend didn't worry about me... something'd be wrong.

 

Personally I am not clingy myself. But I need a girl who is a lot to handle. If a girl doesn't give me enough attention I wont stick around.

What OneLifeForm said, I cannot stress enough.
All relationships will be dysfunctional if you cannot come to terms with yourself.
What I mean by that, is become comfortable with you you are, realize that you are perfect as you are... You cannot truly love another being until you have learned to love yourself.
So many relationships fail these days because people never learn to love themselves, and they try to love another, and the problems arise and are blamed on the relationship and on the other person.

I just really feel like you should take time to get to know yourself, make yourself happy on your own, love yourself. Yes it requires patience, and experience. But if you can trust yourself juust enough to take that journey then you will get results and things will get better. You just need to be dedicated to that idea.

 

I pretty much agree with this post.

As for giving up on love, I don't know how old you are, but I still think it's always a little too early to say or think that way.

I don't really know how to calm down your "possessiveness", but try not to over-think things. When you over-think, you are starting to obsess, and when you obsess, you become possessive over the thing you are obsessing over.

I wouldn't say I was possessive, I've never really let it get to that point. But I would over-think things all the time, thinking that one thing was happening, when in reality, it wasn't happening at all, and I was just being silly.

As for how to stop over-thinking. I would say... for example: If you think one thing is going on, and you start to ponder the possibilities of other things that could stem from that one thing. Yeah... stop that. Chances are, nothing is going on. You can ask about "x", but don't do it more than once. If she says "x" is not happening, then it's not happening. Unless she has done something for you not to trust her in the first place, there's no point in wondering if she is doing "x". But, if she has done something in the relationship that has somewhat damaged your trust, then you can have a reason to doubt her answers. But most of all, if you don't really feel like you can trust that person, than you don't really need to be with them in the first place, in my opinion. It would be better to just end it, and find someone you can trust.

 

i love clingy girls

 

Dude, i think you need to maybe take some time out. I know that sounds scary, but it can actually be a wonderful thing. Take some time to get to know yourself, go travelling, take some time to appreciate what you have to contribute to the world. You are much more than just a 'girlfriend'. You are so much more than that.