Male Friend Chatting About Sex with My GF, how? :(

I am a lesbian and my partner is a bisexual (but she has longer relationship with girls and didn't have sex with boys). We are both 23 years old. She is an attractive girl thus lots of boys like her. Apparently she keeps in touch with 3 boys: ex boyfriend, a guy who used to play sport with her and friends and a guy who used to study in the field that my gf currently studying.

Basically, she keeps in touch with ex bf (A) because she felt guilty dumping him and never explained why. Apparently she is trying to explain to the ex bf what was wrong in the past.

As for the sport guy (B), my gf knew him for about a year and half ago and they meet up when they play the sport, not much that they know about each other

As for the guy who studies same field (C), he knows a lot of the specific field things and he inspired my gf to study the same thing (not together).

So my gf and I knew each other for already 5 years, in the 4th year, we coupled. She knew these guys before we coupled.

We are now both studying abroad. They keep in touch through Whatsapp/phone. Apparently (A) and (C) knew my gf is not single. (C) always flirt my gf, (A) did nothing but they just chat, (B) which I thought he is a good person and serious talk person turned out to be the one that cause me heartache and jealous now. He used to confess to my gf but my gf said she has a gf already.

Since my gf is a bisexual I always worried, insecure and not confident to myself. I afraid that she will prefer guy.

There are too much up and down recently due to she thinks I mistrust her because I always get jealous easily when she chat with these 3 guys and other guys.

I didn't meant to but my devil side told me to see her chat conversation, I randomly pick one and I saw her conversation with (B) - the one which I least jealous. I was shocked because he talked about he masturbates day and night, about his ejaculation, he told my gf to get a dildo because dildo doesnt ejaculates, he told my gf to break her virgin and it will be more fun, he told my gf that he used to fuck his gf until she couldn't walk properly the next day, he said he used 6 condoms in 1.5 days, he said he hope my gf enjoy having sex too and he said he wish to hear my gf's story (I assumed sex) after his trip. My gf replied only a few sentences like "of course I enjoy sex too ", "still plenty of time for that" <-- I assume she meant virgin thingy and ask him to have safe trip.

My gf used to told me she prefers my fingers rather than toy, but one day she suggested buying dildo because I was always tired (I am a bit overweight) after pleasing her, but I disagreed because I don't want to have anything like penis in our relationship. I read articles saying in lesbian's life, if a partner who wants a dildo doesn't mean she wants a man, she just want to have sex with someone (me) which she trusted and love. I don't know if it applies to bisexual?

I feel collapsing. I cannot let my gf know that I read her conversation because we were in deep misunderstanding already and I promised her will handle my emotions properly instead of mad at her. But don't you think this guy is a bit too over? He knows my gf has partner. He should respect me :'( I pretended nothing in front of my gf this morning. I don't know how much I can handle still.

Usually my gf will tell me what she usually chat with these guys, but that will be at least 5 days later. She is at a slow pace at everything, but I want everything to be quickly done. But this time around, she knows I am gonna mad as she knows I kinda dislike guys. Besides, (B) told her to keep it as secret. My gf is a very good secret keeper, I don't know if she will tell me this?

Shouldn't my gf respects me as well in terms of asking that guy to stop talking about sensitive topics especially when my gf already has a partner?

I am clearly mistrusted my gf due to her closeness with male friends. I am in the process improving our relationship, my gf and I talked about it and she will support me. I of course feel happy that she supports me and I am willing to change for her as soon as possible instead of hurting her continuously.

Can you guys help me? I want to stay calm and suppress the anger. :'( How can I don't feel jealousy and angry for such conversation? One good thing I knew is, my gf didn't respond that guy with a unfaithful way. And this means I shouldn't mistrust my gf. Only if she flirts or reply something erotic then that's call unfaithful.

(B) always seek for my gf for chat day and night (which are when he masturbates), does this means he will always imagine my gf as his sex partner?

Additional info: My gf sometimes dislike guys too because some guys are really perverts thus made her feel disgusted. She doesn't trust guys a lot but she is a friendly person and thinks that guys are easier to talk with compared to girls (drama queen, lots of issues) thus keep in touch with guys. My gf is open minded, she used to talk about sex thing in front of (B), that's why now (B) thinks that my gf can accept what he is saying.

 

This isn't a great situation. It's a conundrum because she is crossing a line in having those kind of conversations, but you are also crossing a line in reading her messages.

I think you are going to continue to torture yourself and your relationship will continue to suffer unless you can be completely honest with her. You need to have a really honest conversation with one another. I also believe if you don't have trust, and you cannot see a way of working towards absolute trust and transparency in a relationship, then you don't have a lot to work with. Quite frankly, I don't see a point in continuing, unless you can live with it. As they say, if you don't like it, then do something to change it, or simply get used to it. Live with it.

This may not be what you want to hear, but trust is crucial, and I think you need to make a big decision. No more two-ing and fro-ing. And it sounds like you also have some issues that you yourself need to work through, such as; feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, lacking self respect. It may help if you talk to someone about this, someone qualified, or someone that can refer you on to someone that is qualified.

 

I dont think its bad for you to read her conversation secretly.You just want to know what is going on right?Since you already know everything,i think you should trust your GF,if she really wants to be with this B guy then she probably would reply more and more sentences with flirting words.And is nothing wrong to chat with guys,most BI or LES girls still like to chat with guys (as friends). Just show your love and faithfulness to your GF always.She will know it.And there will be no chance for anyone to interrupt your relationship btw your GF.Good luck!

 

Sorry for not writing back girls. I really appreciate your replies. Your feedback definitely help me a lot. I am not sure if I am good now. But i will definitely try to be good since I will be leaving my gf soon, for months, with eight hours difference. I confronted. I was crying and felt heartbroken with the conversations she and the guy had. Surprisingly my gf did not angry at me for seeing her messages. She told me she is not angry or afraid of me seeing her messages because she did not betray me. Apparently, my gf stopped contacting that guy after telling him gay/lesbian relationships are not easy, our relationship involves pure love than sex, and told him what respect is. She said she doesn't mind if guys want to talk such topic to her, but when the guy asked about prefer breaking virgin using dildo or cock, my gf felt he was too over because he didn't respect me as a partner of my gf herself.

My gf always doesn't talk about her thinking or how much she appreciate me, unless we argue then we will get into the situation where we talk about iur appreciation for each other. This time i am leaving for months, I am worried if she will not be frank with everything. I shouldn't care too much right? Maybe this is a good time for us to have some personal space? I have no confident and no experience in LDR.

Once again, I am sorry as i refused to reply to my own thread because I am obviously avoiding my issue. Basically we are both good and sweet now. We got more intimate after the big honest talk. I was a bit more confident in our relationship because she gave me confidence by telling me her feelings for that confrontation. I am more into pleasing her, unlike last time I usually hold back a little.

 

oops didn't realize this was this section.

i shouldn't be here.

sorry!

 

If she wants a strapon bee happy and give it to her before she turns to 1 of those guys for it. Friends can talk about and and it does sound like these guys want her, but she isn't cheating so give her some slack She is bi and might enjoy or be curious a certain kind of penetration you can give her with a strapon which would be an experience between the two of you not. I wouldn't stress it, but if he continues or crosses the line of being fresh to he point of hitting on her or suggesting she cheats then regulate the situation those that should be on your gf to do so.

I'm very open about sex & a big time flirt, but I'm also faithful so any girl with me should just trust me. So my policy is unless your partner gives you real reason to worry don't.

She has known these guys forever and hasn't left you or cheated soo why make them into a threat to your relationships when if that was the case it would of happened with them long ago already.