when you are in a relationship with your best friend

I am sorry this is so long. I am just feeling very lonely and need some insight from others.

I am in a relationship right now and while it is mostly a good one, I am not happy. It doesn't feel right to me. I am 18 and he just turned 23. I often forget that he is five years older than me because I feel much wiser than my age and he acts much younger. We kind of even each other out that way.

He is very much in love with me (I am his first love, according to him) and I love him too, but not to that extent. I see him more like my best friend. When we do get intimate, I feel like I am in a relationship and I am okay with it but when we aren't intimate, I feel like we are just buddies hanging out. That I am not obligated to act like I am his girlfriend. It is very strange. I am constantly thinking about us breaking up, how I could go about it and where I would go.

You see, I set out to this summer’s rainbow gathering, all set to start travelling but I met him and we somehow ended up going back to my home area. I don't even know how that happened but we’ve been here since July and I am at my wit’s end. I’m living in the basement of one of my father’s houses, and neither one of us have been able to hold down a job for long. Though we do have one lined up that will hopefully take us outta here.

I want to travel very badly, to see the world. He was hitch-hiking for four years prior meeting me and is definitely ready to settle on a parcel of land out there, somewhere. He says he would still travel with me, just that he wants a home base. I can understand that, it would be good to have a place of your own to fall back to.

He is my best friend, we’ve been inseparable since we met 5 months ago so this hurts me, a lot. I am not sure what is compelling me to want to end things, but I feel that if I truly was happy with him, these feelings and thoughts would not run through my mind on a daily basis. I’m trying to see if I can get myself down to the Rainbow Gathering in Mexico (though I took action too late it seems) so we can have a bit of a break and we can try this out again afterward.

I am constantly hopping back and forth on whether I should end things or not and sometimes I end up confiding that to him. It is unfair to him and I would like to make a decision already. I don't know whether I should ignore such feelings and keep trying to make ends work or just end it and go. I know I will miss him a lot, he is one of the closest friends I have right now which sucks hah. And I can't quite just break up and still be friends, it would be too painful for him. I don’t want to be the first one to crush his heart either. He will be devastated, but I know he will manage and so will I. We will be okay.

I'm going to miss his constant presence a lot, yet it would be liberating at the same time. I know we could make it work out if we wanted to, but I don’t know whether I want to. I don’t know whether I want to do this or not. I am afraid that I will tie myself down to him for too long and/or leave something that is good. Excuse the french, but I literally have no fucking clue on what to do.

I do have depression and anxiety. Panic attacks are frequent though I’ve been doing very well keeping my emotions in check lately. He is usually there for me when I need him and I have been there when he needed me. We could be soul mates for all I know, but it just isn't the right time I think. This is just bothering me, a lot. I needed to get it off my chest and see what others think.

What would you do if you were in my position?

 

I would do what I could to get out on my own...before you get accustomed to feeling this way... I have been in your place, if I could go back that is what I would do.

I would be cool with being friends with him, but I'd be like "I'm super young and I need some time on my own to do my own thing."

 

if you don't want to be with the guy, don't be with the guy.

 

Look...tell him that you need some time to figure out how you feel about the two of you. If he lives you as much as he says he does...then don't see a problem. Although no longer than the two of you have been together...some times couples need time apart to find out what it is really they want. It's not fair to you not him if you keep doing this the way you are. Going about it like this all that will happen is the two of you will end up hating each other in the end.

 

Five months is really quite a short time of your life. You're still young, so of course there are times when you are going to want to feel 'free'. My feeling is that you need to discover who you are. It's okay him being in love with you, but you haven't fully developed yourself yet. You should branch out a little as it seems you were going to do anyway, but be ready to tell him that you need space.

 

Thank you everyone. I know I sound so childish and naive but truth is, I am. I've thought about this too much that I have neglected to see the obvious, which you have all pointed out to me. So I thank you.

 

5 months isn't a long time, way too short to bother saving a doomed relationship.

I wouldn't say that he is your best friend because you weren't friends to start with. It sounds like you are telling yourself this to justlfy your feelings. And I have a feeling that when you end it, it will be over. Not friends, if he is so in love with you.

You aren't happy. You want to travel. Why stay? He will get over it and so will you. There are much better partners out there for both of you, go find them.

 

I am a little bit confused how you came to the conclusion that we weren't friends to start with? And how is it doomed already?

 

You said you have been together since you met. That is not the same as getting to know someone as friends first.

It's doomed because you are unhappy at the beginning of the relationship. How will you feel in 10 years when there are possibly kids involved?

 

Very true. Thank you.

 

It just seems funny for someone with the name wildcunt worried about being a free spirit

 

I was really stoned at the time and wildcunt seemed suiting for some reason. Not sure how I can go about and change it though.

 

You could ask a moderator? If you know what you want it to be you should just ask. I've done t before.

 

only admin can change a name on this site, and he won't do it.

you're only 11 posts in, if you really want a different name you might as well just create a new account now.

 

sometimes wild cunts just gotta be free, ya know what i mean...

 

This is true. Once you get a load of posts and a rep, it's not exactly easy to just make a new profile.

 

i was here 2 years then made the switch