Okay, after reading several enlightening HF posts about people born in the wrong body (masculine instead of feminine and feminine instead of masculine), I am wondering if I might NOT be gay? I mean, I have never felt comfortable in the gay community. And actually liked being in a more straight environment. Big time. For example, when I was still in high school. Straight dudes (I guess they thought I was a girl?) used to hit on me on a regular basis. And I liked it. But when I told them I was a male -- I was instantly treated as a pariah. It got so bad that I ultimately dropped out of school. I didn't really explore the gay scene until I was in my early twenties. And I never felt like I belonged. In fact, there was plenty of mutual misunderstanding. It seemed like I was back in high school. However, I really don't care for labels. That's why I identify myself as queer (meaning different) instead of gay/bi/trans, etc. At this late point in my life, I'm just wondering what the hell I actually am? Any thoughts and insights are gratefully welcome. QP P.S. I've always admired folks like Christine Jorgensen, Renee Richards, Quentin Crisp, etc. This is what makes me think I am not really a gay person? But I remain totally confused. Big time.
Maybe you're just your own individual? You know what? Good for you buddy! It all sounds a little fucked up but I have a feeling you're gonna pull through just fine.
Whoops. Just reconsidered the "sounds just a little fucked up" part of your comment. I totally appreciate the positive vibes towards the end. But can you elaborate on the "fucked up" part? I mean, I actually lived through this hell. I guess I am trying to figure out if there's something I did (or did not do) that caused it to happen? Or if it was just the way I was born? :sunny: QP
I'm not sure what advice I can give, as technically I'm not trans, and I'm heterosexual. lol However, I was brought up as the wrong gender, and all I can say is, I just "knew" that the gender I was being brought up as, was not the gender I actually was. Something was terribly wrong with the whole set up, and I was aware of that very early on in my life. I would say if you actually identified as female, it is something you would just automatically know. I would also say that just because you aren't comfortable in the gay community doesn't mean you aren't gay. Why do some people assume that all gay people are alike, and have the same personalities, likes, dislikes, etc? All gay people are different, just like all heterosexuals are different. Just because you don't fit a gay stereotype, doesn't mean you are not gay. I've never cared for labels either, and gender specific words like female/girl/woman etc are the only "labels" I've ever used for myself. My gender is not defined by a medical condition, so why should I attatch an external label to it? I am not you, and only you can say how you feel, but I would say unless you feel in your heart and soul you are female, then you aren't. However, many transgender people actually identify as both genders, or even no gender at all. So you could be transgender... I'm sorry I'm not much help, but I do hope you are able to find yourself. And trans/gay, or whatever, you are a great person, and that's all that matters to me really at the end of the day!
Also, I've been a strong advocate for Matt Shepard. I even wrote a poem (and published it in a book) for him. So it puzzles me why I get so much opposition from gay/ straight/ trans folks, etc. Why is that? Should I totally destroy the Queer word? Is that the main reason for the negative comments? Should I start calling myself Poet (instead of QueerPoet)? I'd really like to know. :sunny: All comments are much invited. Poet
You get opposition from people for writing a poem about Matthew Shepard, or for calling yourself Queerpoet? I would imagine it's the latter, but I just wanted to be sure! lol And no, you should do exactly what you want. As long as YOU feel comfortable with that name, then you should keep it. Me myself, I would never use the word queer to describe anyone else, at least not as a specific reference to their sexuality, but if some people are comfortable with that label, then more power to them! You should just do what you feel is right.
Me too!. I always felt that the straight male stereotype was something that did not fit my personality or soul. And I already knew this at the age of 5. When my teachers wanted me to play with cars and trucks, I always wanted to play with dolls. I liked to make clothes for them. Plus I was more drawn to music and the arts. In short, I was more drawn to the tender and gentle aspects of life. I was totally passive, when males were expected to be aggressive as hell. :sunny: I was a total failure. Big time. Poet
LOL. The latter. That's why I'm thinking I should change my name to Poet. But there's so many poets on this site. And many of them are totally straight. Poet P.S. Maybe I should just use caps?
Well, although I always had a very girly side to my personality, I didn't mind playing with cars and stuff, and actually saw myself as a bit of a tomboy. lol However, I did hate physical activities that people expected me to do on the grounds of me being wrongly percieved as "male". Looking back on that now, I can see it wasn't really the activities themselves I took major objection to, it was the fact that I was expected to do them purely because I was seen as being "male". For instance, when I was growing up I hated football, but by my mid teens (by which time, my extended family was out of my life) I started to like it, probably because I no longer felt obligated to be interested in it due to my wrongly assigned gender. As a child, I associated football with "maleness", because only the boys in my family were expected to like it. Which made me instantly hate it. I also hated having my hair cut, which always made me cry. I've always been a very soft and timid person, but did like some so-called "masculine" things like video games, and watching boxing, but I never once thought that liking those things made me "male". I just thought I was a bit tomboyish. lol I've always identified myself as 100% female. The things you mentioned, are not really "feminine" qualities, they are just stereotyped as being so. You can get aggressive and nasty females, just as you can get passive and gentle men. Stereotypes don't make gender.
Ah, I thought so! lol I still don't think you need to change your name (I didnt even think you could change your username on HF!), but it's up to you at the end of the day. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I honestly doubt that you are transgender, QP. I am a gay male who grew up preferring to play with my sister's barbies and little ponies rather than the gender-specific toys given to me as a boy. I even liked dressing as a girl sometimes, I even did drag for a while in my early twenties, but I never wanted to be a girl. I identify as male and am glad to be male. I never felt that I was born in the wrong body.
I just read a book about Lizzie Borden. I mainly read it because of that silly little rhyme (I love poetry): Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks When she saw what she had done She gave her father forty-one The book strongly suggests that Lizzie actually did murder her father and step-mother in cold blood. Yes, females can be nasty and aggressive as hell. Just the same as males. Nevertheless, I can appreciate the dark humor in the 4 lines of verse that have made Lizzie immortal. Even though some anonymous journalist wrote the infamous lines to increase newspaper circulation. Poet
OMG. Me too! I loved playing with my sister's Ken and Barbie stuff when I was a boy. And my sister loved it too. She only had brothers to play with (no sisters). So I was more than happy to be the "sister" she wished she had. QP
Dude, I'm glad you dropped by. Hell, you actually crossed paths with Janis. That alone makes you a special person (IMO). So no need to be sorry. Plus I think you're really cool. :sunny: QP
Well, no-one else who has posted in this thread is really trans, so I guess you could say it's not our deal either. lol As long as the post is relevant to the issue being discussed, and is not prejudiced towards trans people, then anyone can post in these threads. I'm sure whatever you posted would have fitted both of the above criteria.
