My girl and i are going on 4 years together. Most of that 4 years we have lived together. It's within the last year that i have noticed a change. She never seems interested in being intimate with me. I can tell you that neither one of us even remembers the last time, i have asked her, but im thinking it has almost been a year. Recently i have noticed that the only time she shows interest is when she has been drinking. I told her about it but she doesn't believe me. She ends up too drunk and puking for anything to happen but it is driving me crazy. The first year we were together we were going at it like rabbits, now i feel like im asking too much to get a kiss. I know she loves me, she tells me all the time. I also know she is still in love with me, we talk about marriage often. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but i need that intimacy from her. I think it would help us reconnect. When i talk to her about it she just says she is not in the mood. I make sexual innuendos all the time and i usually just get "is that all you think about" thrown at me. I don't know what to do...any ideas?
hm... maybe she tells you all the time she loves you, but it seems she doesn't. does she talk about other persons, or have you noticed something strange in her voice when talks about someone else?
Go visit a pricey lingerie store and physically seduce her into the act with uber sexiness and provocative behavior.
No, I'm 100% sure she's not into anyone else. She tells me she loves me often, but says she is not in the mood. She told me a while back that she can go long periods without sex.....i didn't believe it, until now. And i tried the whole lingerie thing, which is SO not me...she's the more feminine one of the two of us. She laughed and told me i was crazy...that was the extent of it. I tell her all the time that i feel neglected in that aspect and she said that she really does love me, she's just never in the mood. If she is, it seems that one of us has our monthly...i can't win. It is so frustrating for me
dazednconfuzed, I feel your pain. It all sounds sooooo familiar because I'm in much the same place with my partner. She just doesn't seem to understand that if she loves me (as she says she does) then she needs to find a way to make me feel physically cherished. If you find an answer, let me know, won't you? Because I'm at the end of my tether and really don't have any answers!
I don't know how much help this will be as I am gifted with a rather frisky partner, but we knew bed death was an issue before we got married and made a pact that we would be intimate at least once a month regardless of how we felt. So far it's worked ok. I do see a potential problem of intimacy becoming routine with this method though??? Just thought I'd toss this in here. I hope it helps a little
I kinda see that working. At first I wasnt sure about this advice, but thinking on it: Sometimes if not in the mood, tired, watching tv, whatever just dont want to be bothered, but my partner really wants it, Im annoyed a bit. But I'll go with it anyway thinking: I'll just enjoy "being close". And it isnt fair to leave the one i love sitting there frustrated sexually. For lack of better way to say it: It's the least I can do. Right? But I am happy to report, in these situations 9 times out of 10 i enjoy it despite wasnt "into it" on the outset. I will respect my own needs if I really am opposed or uncomfortable, for whatever reason, but thats rare. My motto is: Do not be selfish, but still respect my needs if they really ARE needs.
I hate to say this, and don't know enough about your situation, but the description you give of her drinking habits make me think it's not a lack of interest in YOU, but the increased interest in ALCOHOL that's the problem. Drinking to that level dulls sexual desire and sensation, regardless of behavior promiscuous and uninhibited when people r drunk. I hope it works out for you. Just seems like it is not a problem with you or her interest in you but something else going on that she has to deal with. Good luck and stay strong.
If it is bad now, I am sorry to say but I only see it getting worse. Think about it, what do you see changing that will make her want to be intimate again?
If intimacy is important to you, then make that clear to her. There are things that will be important to her as well, and this is about working together and having some give and take. Also, getting to the root of the issue... does she maybe have a problem that she isn't sharing with you? I think being completely open is the first step, and not being afraid to try and be 'structured'. Pencil in some sexy time and see how that works and how much, if she loves you, she's willing to give.
she says she's not in the mood. When I make comments about being intimate any type of comment the response I get is is that all you think about?. But when I don't talk about it nothing happens . And the way she goes about being intimate. The problem with that is she's too vague when she is talking about being in the mood. For example she will say I'm going to go lay down or I'm going to go to bed but I'm supposed to pick up when she's in the mood and when she's not. She used to be aggressive towards me. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean she took charge and i liked that. The problem is that I'm always in the mood and she's never in the mood but there's no compromise things only happen when she's in the mood. Now I have another issue. I was talking to a friend of mine about a coworker of ours and my girlfriend heard me. I think she heard that my coworker intrigues me. Now I would never cheat on my girlfriend because that's not the type of person I am. I do however think though that I have feelings for this coworker and I look forward to working with her and I really like being around her. I feel a connection with her, but it's a different kind of connection. She makes me feel appreciated in ways i feel im lacking. We're both in the same type of situation her relationship is as confusing as mine, the difference is that I want to stay in my relationship, she doesn't. I asked her if she has ever been with a female and she said no. She said she has had feelings but she never acted on it on because she's comfortable with guys and she assumed that she straight. But she doesn't know for sure. once again, I'm not saying I want to have a relationship with her, because I don't. Im with someone i love very much. I just like being around her. I like how she makes me feel. I told her she has a very flirtatious personality and i like that. I have known her for about a year and 4 months but now I'm really getting to know her. And I think it has to do with my relationship. I never looked at her that way and now I'm noticing her and how much we have in common. Does this make sense to anyone?
It makes a lot of sense. You have needs that your current partner isn't fulfilling for you so it's natural that your mind is going to wander. I am not saying you should cheat but this is going to happen again and again if nothing changes. I wish I could give you some advice other than saying you need to discuss your frustration with your partner. Make sure she knows you still love her and you want to make this work but you need intimacy from her. If she says "Is that all you think about?" again say something like "Being intimate with you is one of the things I think about the most because I love you so much and I miss it." Or something to that effect. Show her you're serious but at the same time express you're love too. I hope that helps some. I wish I had more to say.
