I'm lost. family death, family drama.

If this is a pattern by your hubby--he's in trouble. If it's a one time thing, you and he should get everyone together and talk it out. My family spun clear out of control and was never the same again. Don't let it fester--work on it. And sorry your gramma passed.

 

what did you tell your husband when you asked him to do this?

he may not have known she could die any minute

it's important to get a family councilor involved soon, imho.

there's still time to fix things, but the bad feelings may harden soon

 

I am sorry for your loss. If the roles were reversed would your family have been as mad at you as they are him? It isn't a good time to blame anybody for anything. You need time to get over your loss and your hurt, don't do anything until you have a clear head. If it was my family mad at my spouse I would have to stick up for her. You can't change anything but you can move on and more anger won't fix anything. Once again I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some comfort quickly.

 

The last real conversation I ever had with my grandmother was cut short because my boyfriend was being impatient. I remember the look on her face when I told her I had to go. It was after we had cried and she admitted that she was dying and it's something I will never forget. After that I kept having these dreams about my grandma.. that she was just standing there, staring at me, and I remember thinking, that can't be my grandma, she's dead, but it was her for sure. I took that to mean that she is watching over me, trying to tell me that she was there with me, no matter where I was. Even reflecting on that makes me feel better, but what really helped me through the whole thing was the fact that she told me she wanted to go, that she was ready, she wanted to see all her dead relatives.

I'm sorry for your loss. However, life is short. Appreciate what you have while you still have it. Your grandmother is in peace now, and your family is just going to have to deal.

 

Again, thank you for the kind words. I've figured out that my family is just sad, and they are looking for someone to direct the anger/sadness towards. He did that, so it's him. It would have been someone else if it wasn't him. I spoke to my sister today and she agreed that she will not cause any kind of scene at the funeral over it, and hopefully in time things will get better. He shouldn't have done that, no. But he does so many things that they aren't recognizing right now to take care of me. Someone asked what I told my husband when I asked him to do this, and in the confusion and everything I can't remember exactly what I said. I'm pretty sure I told him I needed him to come right now, get in the car and come right now. But I don't think I took time to fully explain what was happening. I don't know if any of that really matters. What's done is done, it can't be changed, all I can do is forgive him and move forward. Beating him up over it will not help or make it happen any different.

 

My grandma didn't even like my boyfriend and he still came to her funeral, even after my mom told me she was having dreams that my grandma didn't want him to come. Why? Because the funeral is for the grieving, not for the dead. If it were up to me, everyone who was sad would just party in memory of me. Way better, in my opinion.