I've been going through a rough patch lately. My mother is in a nursing home in the USA, and I've had to pay her expenses out of pocket. I have a brother who was sharing the expenses 50/50, but he has been unemployed and stopped helping some months ago. Now my savings are nearly spent and the only real chance of government help is a program that would compel me to sell the house where I live. I have been working at a part-time teaching job for more than twenty years. When my father was alive and I had some money, it wasn't such a problem to live on that money. I am a non-driver because of eye problems, so getting out to find a new job is not easy. I've been teaching for years and the job has been discouraging. I'd like to do something more profitable and that gives me more of a sense that what I do makes a difference. I feel really trapped. I am not sleeping well and my stomach often bothers me. Particularly in the past few weeks, I have had no energy and often feel like crying. Is this depression? I am extremely hesitant to see a doctor or a counsellor because of my severe lack of money. One of my friends works for a social service agency in the area, and what she says about counselling around here is not very encouraging. There is either a waiting list or it's very Christian counselling or they charge too much. Is counselling what I need? There are a lot of things I want to do but it's all I can do to get out of bed and get dressed most days and get to work. I also hesitate to take meds because those don't always work so well.
A lot of people that are depressed, are that way due to stress and or being trapped into a situation like you are dealing with... So I would say yeah, you are having a situational depression... I'm going to leave out my usual rant about those meds because people get all pissy about that, but I really think your hesitation is well founded. Now what program is telling you that you have to sell your home? Extra cars, boats, stuff like that, yeah... but they shouldn't tell you you have to sell your home.
It's Medicaid that tells me to sell the house. I've spoken to an attorney and he says he can find a way around this. Nevertheless, I'm still worried about money to pay for everything else. I'm working part-time as an adjunct instructor at a state university. I'm considering a career change, but when you have passed 50 and have been doing the same thing for decades, it is daunting.
Have you tried online job applications? There'll be some part time things available, not sure what's out there, but it's worth a look. Online teaching is also an option, my brother teaches english over the net.. not sure how he goes about it but if you're interested I can find out for you. In the meantime, get outside whenever you can, if you don't already. Feed the soul, takes the edge off.
Maybe it has something to do with the value of the house or the medicaid program... I own my house and am a "Qualified Medicare Beneficiary" QMB for short. This is a Medicaid program that covers part of my medical expenses. Truth though, my house isn't worth much so that may have something to do with it. My main medical is medicare though... Which your Mother should be getting also, no? I know what you mean about career change for older people but you just have to put that idea out there, it can happen. What about a full time position doing what you do? Anyways, I'm wishing you the best of luck with everything. Let me know how it's going if you get a chance.
The more I think about it, the less I want to teach. I don't know if this is some sort of midlife crisis, but it seems like every semester and every year that goes by, I get less pleasure out of my work. I never expected that my job would make me rich or famous, but I figured it would be enough to be solvent and getting some small sense of accomplishment from what I do, some sense that it makes a difference. This is not happening, and more and more I dread the beginning of a new week of work. I've gone to the career services office page of the website of the university where I work and taken some aptitude and interest tests. When the current semester ends, I'll look at my findings more closely and most likely make an appointment with someone in that office. In the meantime, I've talked to people who already know me fairly well beyond the Internet. I've asked them what I should do if I were to do something other than teaching and writing. The only advice I've received so far that makes sense and rings true with me is to look into becoming a paralegal. It sounds like I've got the skill set if not the training or the credentials to do so.
to me, it sounds like you're realizing your job was a wrong choice you made in life. you say what you wanted was a sense of accomplishment, making a difference, and it sounds that you didn't get it. making a career choice shouldn't follow from the external factors. it should be originating from the inside. it has to be something you want to do. if you want to make a change now, this is what you have to keep in mind. not your skills, credits, or previous professional experience. you have to find something that you actually want to do. that is the only way you'll ever be satisfied with your life. it's not about money, fame, whatever. it's a deeply personal knowledge, that most people weirdly fail at. i've never settled on a job i didn't want to do. most of the jobs i've held, i've wanted to do them even if no-one ever paid me a dime. find yourself something like that, if you can.
It probably would be labeled as depression by a medical expert, but I tend to think that modern medicine is most beneficial to depression when the person afflicted cannot neccessarily pinpoint its source. That kind of depression can leave a person helpless because they do not understand why they feel that way or do not understand how to make it better. You're depressed because of a certain situation and medical care cannot make that situation disappear so it is unlikely to help the depression in any significant way. I can't really advise you but personally I would rather invest money into helping the situation rather than helping the depression. I feel for you. I often worry about how my siblings and I will afford care for my mother when the time comes.
You're going through a tough time, and it's normal to feel trapped and hopeless. Meds won't take that away. I think you should get some counseling to help you decide what to do and how to get out of this trap you're stuck in. It seems too hard for one person to handle all of this. Is there a social service that can help you care for your mother?
I think that when I originally got into teaching, it wasn't a bad choice. The work was enjoyable enough and money wasn't as much of a factor. I was working with a different caliber of students and I think that there have been cases where I did make a positive difference. However, all things change. I've never been sure what I really wanted to do. When I was young, I would cringe at the inevitable question about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I've grown up...or at least older...and I'm not really sure even now. Over the years, I've thought of going into journalism but there are fewer and fewer jobs in that field. I thought of becoming an interpreter or translator, but that's another tough field to get into and the languages I learned are a few years rustier. I think the key question is, "What do I want to do that someone is willing to pay me a living wage to do?" Daisymae, I live in the States and our system isn't as helpful as yours. I think I understand a bit of where you're coming from, but things are not quite as good here.
