Sex Education?

In advance, I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I'm still learning the forums and I think this is it.

This is regarding my children.

My wife and I have been casting off the typical social norms of sex and nudity lately in a kind of rapid move towards a much more socially liberal mind-set than what we used to have.

As a result, we've come to realize that nudity isn't such a bad thing. Looking tot the European model as a kind of target. We don't shield our kids from it. In fact, we have a couple of sexy, not really erotic, but sexy pictures of fairies and other art up on our walls. Our kids are 8 and 10, almost to their next birthdays. We've also started to be nude, around the house more often.

I've noticed our son recently start to open up to girls. For example, he just went to the local University for a field trip. He came home beaming and couldn't wait to tell us how hot the cheerleaders were.

Today, we went to check out the local flea market. He came across someone selling Playboys and showed some interest, and it didn't bother me or my wife.

In fact, she suggested that we'd get him one, as this is what her grandmother did for her brother at the same age. We thought it would be a healthy for him in several ways.

1. One as a way to grow up with a healthy non-puritanical attitude towards sex. We don't want to promote wild promiscuity. But, we figure that it would be akin to allowing them to start drinking with mom and dad occasionally, at a younger age and not go crazy with it when they're older because it's a novelty.

2. Two, it's an opened line of communication between him and us. We don't want him to hide anything from us. We'll set reasonable boundaries for him, but give him freedom with the idea that it's okay to come to us.

So, when we got home we went through our stack of Penthouse magazines. Now, before anyone freaks out, these aren't the Penthouses of when I was a kid. These are about as tame, or more than Playboy. They're basically Maxim magazine with boobies. To be sure, we went through the magazines we gave him and removed anything overly explicit like ads for sex toys, 900 numbers, sex or ads for their other, more explicit magazine.

So, like I said. Not much worse than the UK version of Maxim, only with a slightly bit more T&A.

We still haven't given them the magazines, just because we want to make sure it's the right time.

Since some of you seem to be more like minded, I'm wondering what any of you have done, if you've faced this situation, or your thoughts if you haven't.

 

My parents never really walked around nude around me. They were always self-conscious about how their behavior might put me or any of my siblings in a hot spot among our peers, which mainly consisted of mainstream culture.

But they certainly didn't demonize anything sexual education wise, and they had no panic attack when I asked the question about where babies came from.

The only thing my parents told me was not a good idea, was getting a girl pregnant and getting an STD/STI.

Kids pick up on the awkward vibe parent(s)/guardian(s) get when they struggle to give an answer, and then tell a lie.

And my folks certainly established rules in the house for other things like curfew and school.

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Given that time has passed since I was a kid, I'd probably amend my parent's view for my own family, should I have one.

And also add the importance of online security since kids are at risk online from those that would do them harm or give away the family's domestic safety and location and schedule.

Go over a couple news reports showing how some teens their age have been kidnapped/raped/killed because they were naive online.

(Your wife and you will have to do this at ages you think at developmentally appropriate for your children, as this varies for every household and individual)


I also recommend telling your child about how the media objectifies women and lots of the advertisements are photoshop-fake.

Because magazines like that only care about turning a profit at the expense of the model's health being only a 2nd or 3rd rate concern, if at all.

 

Thanks for your answers. We appreciate them.

We started them off young by teaching them how no one should ever touch their private parts and to tell us as soon as anything like that happening. I think they're pretty well versed in what's not acceptable behavior. We also started to talk about the whole sex process. They now know how things happen, in "scientific detail". We'll be sure to talk about safe sex, STI's and responsibilities as the age calls for it.

As far as online, they don't have ready access. The only internet we have is piped through our xbox or out two laptops which are with us at all times, with password locks on them. We were, at first, paranoid, about them seeing nudes. Then grew out of that over the last year or so. Something switched off in both our heads. I'm not sure what.

We do have a couple of erotica books out and have caught our daughter going through one. It's not that bad actually. A very tasteful hardcover artsy lingerie photo book taken in some wood in the UK. We talked to her about it and she likes the pretty clothes. Still we kind of put it up after that. Now that she is almost nine, we're not so sure it would bother us as much.

 

Keep in mind, that in the USA, there are two filters/levels of law that could make parents providing (magazines, sex toys) to your kids a violation state and/or federal law.

So just so you know that. Same goes for "responsible drinking" with the parents.

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So as adults you do need to understand the legal implications and thus the defenses that'll give you the best legal defense in court, should you find yourself in a bad situation in the future. So do your research.

My parents never provided this stuff to me, I had to discover it on my own, which is probably best legally speaking.

 

Meh.. Sex education is good.. You can't tell kids to not talk about it, or forbid them from looking it up.. You do need to guide them when they have questions, cause if you don't SOMEONE else will...

And really, when it comes to things like sex, and sexuality, you really want the internet, or some kid from their class explaining it to them?

 

Lol on the latter, in some cases I will say that depending who your parents are, it's better and more factual to get information from a good friend who knows their stuff about sex. (This depends on if the friend is credible and good at objective research from credible sources though).

My personal fear about kids talking about these topics, is that information about this subject tends to be used in juvenile blackmail campaigns and cyber bullying and is a huge problem.

 

True... A game of "Doctor" turns into that female with boobs just starting to pop out taking all the boys clothes and running off, he's left with a woody and has to walk 4 blocks in the nude to knock on his door to have his mom answer and need to explain what happened to his clothes...

Way to go mom... You shoulda just explained it to him... :afro:

 

My parents were open minded when I was going up, and very honest with my questions after sex and nudity (among other things). They never gave me a Playboy or anything, but they did show me one when I was 10. We went through it together and talked about this and that.

I don't know about GIVING your kids the magazines, but I fully support showing them the magazines. Then maybe later on you can give them to your kids.

 

Well, what is the difference between giving it to them and just showing it to them? I guess it prevents awkward phone calls from their friends parents, but still.. As long as they don't leave the house with it, why not let the little rascals keep it?

Just sayin... :afro:

 

I've heard this scenario happens more at summer (religious or otherwise), band camp. Doing these kinda pranks is funny for everyone else, and gets rid of stress.

Has anybody else noticed that kids raised in very strict households, tend to really get a thrill out of pranks in general? I think it's because their repressed and that's how they can express their naughty side since hey can't do it sexually like the rest of their peers. It comes out in other ways.

 

I grew up very very repressed. Like asking Jesus to forgive my sins if I ever said "fuck" and was convinced I was going to hell because I beat off.

I then joined the military and subsequently went nuts and humped anything with a heart beat. Don't want my kids to grow up that repressed.

I compare the way the Europeans do things with drugs, alcohol and sex. They certainly don't have the puritanical mindset we Americans do and they seem to have less problems. I guess that's the way we're going with everything.

We don't mind nudity. In fact we're taking the kids to the Oregon Country Fair next summer in Vanetta, Oregon. And the kids know daddy drinks Beer, but treats it with respect. (I'm a beer snob) and I don't go overboard (really a six pack of Sam Adams can last me several months (if it's still good). When I was a kid, beer was the devil. My wife likes to partake of the cannabis, but we haven't introduced that (even though my state just legalized it.)

We're still on the fence with the magazines.

BTW, thanks everyone for the comments.

 

Raising Kids is difficult. And the rules change everyday.. But as long as we protect as well as explain the world around them, they'll turn out just fine

 

I recently opened a FaceBook account & soon found my nephews on there, aged 15 & 13. They had references to liking particular porn books & videos, which despite being technically illegal for anyone under the age of 18, not only do I see as being perfectly normal, but a healthy adolescent curiosity that should be encouraged.

I know my brother well enough to know that he will have been keeping an eye on their online activities, so that they're protected from predators.

During my own childhood & later teenage years I was never shielded from nudity either - although moreso from my mother than from my father. It was not even unknown, on occasion, for me to walk in on my parent's lovemaking sessions, which were simply accepted as being part of everyday life & wouldn't even interupt their flow. I know many people would see this as being an indication of some perverted fantasy, but in the right circumstances it's far from it.

Also, many's the time that when my mother was in the bath & I needed to use the toilet not only would she be happy for me to share the bathroom, but would also spend time chatting whilst in there. This had always been the way as far back as I could remember, so even when I had developed to be sexually mature, I never thought of the naked body as being something to be ashamed of. Nor did I see it as a sexual thing, in its own right (although that may appear to be a contradition in terms, but I'm sure you understand what I mean).

To this day I remain perfectly comfortable with my own nudity as well as that of others.

 

I think we need to step back and look at what exactly is illegal there... There isn't anything. The law states that you can't sell/expose minors to adult material if they are under the age of 18.. However, if they find it on their own, you can explain it to them.

I think the law is put there more to prevent child pornography, or sexual abuse of children.

However, if a kid goes out and is on the internet anyway, they are going to find it.

Interesting that they put it all out there on Facebook. I'm surprised your brother hasn't had an angry phone call or two from prude parents of the other children.... Hopefully he doesn't get too much of a headache from that...

:afro: