Boyfriend has nude pics of his ex-girlfriend

my boyfriend and i have been dating for 8 months now and we are soon moving in together. he is honest with me and we communicate well. we don't really fight, at most we get annoyed with each other for insignificant things which we eventually laugh it off. we werent friends before we dated, and my bf was open about his ex. the relationship he had with her was his first real relationship. they were first together for a year when they were 16, then again for 4 months just last summer. both times she'd broken it off to be with someone else. anyways, at first i was a little concerned about her and the fact that he obviously missed her. i felt as if i was being compared to her, but eventually i realized that it's part of his past and if things were to go right with him, we'd build a history of our own. so far we've been getting along better than ever.

just recently my bf updated his iphone and decided to save his pics to the computer in case if they were going to be erased. i opened the folder and found a couple pics of his ex. they werent too racy or anything, just low quality shots of her in the bathroom mirror in her bra and undies, one of her topless, and one with her back facing the mirror to show her butt (with clothes on). btw the pics were from last year when they were dating

i wasnt as mad as i thought i'd be, i don't know what to feel or think of it to be honest. partly why im not mad is because i know that he loves me but of course it's making me wonder why those pics are still there. is it just for memory's sake? some guy thing? idk. if i had nudes of my ex saved somewhere and he foudn them, i dont think he'd be happy. for me, i don't even know if it's worth confronting... i don't think he wanted me to see those. what do you guys think?

 

Well I applaud you for keeping a cool head in a situation that most girls would flip out about.

I think your reaction to this situation speaks positively about your own character.

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That being said here are the scenarios from my point of view:

1. He was too lazy to purge those photos.

2. He is still recovering from his last breakup.

 

How old are you guys by the way?

 

He might just have been too lazy to delete the photos. My friends came across some nude photos of a girl my boyfriend used to sleep with years ago and he was absolutely mortified that they were still there. I know he sure as hell wasn't keeping them because there was still an attraction there, chick was buuuuuutttttt ugly. lol. That sounds horrible, but while it did initially bother me, I'm not threatened by her, so I let it just roll off. I trust him and she lives across the country, so I had no real reason to worry.

Now, as far as how to handle this goes, it really depends on the situation. Were you snooping in his folder or did you have innocent intentions in mind? Because if you were snooping, I don't suggest confronting him, but if you had a legitimate reason to be in the folder, then maybe gently bring it up. Keep it cool, keep the level head you've displayed in your post, and ask him about it. He may not even realize he still has those pictures. If it bothers you at all, bring it up, but if it doesn't and you feel no threat, then just let bygones be bygones.

 

Whose computer was it? Can you honestly say you weren`t snooping around? Did you have his consent in opening the folder? And, if you guys share the computer...why would he leave stuff like that floating around? It`s careless at best.

It sounds to me there are unhealthy personal space boundaries in your relationship. Even if he deletes the pics, there`s bigger fish to fry here...

 

im 19 hes 21

 

it's just a few pics. my guess is over time they will disappear

 

I have sexy pics from a lot of different girls on my phone. Not because I miss them, or still want to be with them in any way. It's just that I can't bring myself to delete a perfectly fine set of tits. I don't really look at them ever, I just love naked women and deleting them doesn't seem right.

I forget they are there most of the time, and if I were in a relationship I wouldn't think to go back and erase them.

Edit: Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I have a couple old phones somewhere with sexy pics and vids from lovers past. Kinda like holding on to love letters....I don't really see any harm in it. That is in less he is protective over them

 

i can't count the number of times i've taken a photo and it's gotten lost in what i call 'memory card land' for a long time, and then i go looking through my photo folder on my phone and go 'omg, i still have that picture?', as in i couldn't even remember it was on my card. that could be the case here. or he could just be keeping it for memories. with my exes, i've never kept photos, but i have kept memories in my mind of them. same thing, just no electronics or film involved. you can't get mad at somebody for remembering part of their lives, part of what has made them who they are today, right?

i personally wouldn't confront him on it, unless he brings it up or you are both in front of the computer and he's going through his photos. then you can say 'oh, who's that?' like you haven't seen the photos before. then it's his call as to how much he wants to share with you about his ex. and also his call to delete the photos or not.

 

forum was acting all funky, double post.