I am Seeing a guy with kids but don't want to get too involved with kids!

I have been seeing this guy with barely 2 weeks and we really like each other. However he probably is coming on a bit stronger than me because I just want to take things slow.

I want to take things slow because I don't want to get too serious with him too soon especially since he has 3 small kids. I want to see if we still really like each other after a while of seeing each other.

He is very serious about me at the moment because he told me he would be jealous if I was seeing someone else as well and he would prefer that I didn't. He even changed his relationship status on the dating site where we first met to dating instead of single without telling me! I don't mind this because I like him too but he could have told me first.

I will admit I do like him but I would prefer if he didn't have kids. Not because I don't like kids but because I don't think I should act as a mother towards them because it wouldn't be fair if the relationship didn't work out.

I had to tell my mother that I was seeing a guy with kids because I am only 21 and he is 29. She was quite shocked at first and not very happy about it. And then I got upset because I am an adult and should be able to make my own decisions. I got upset as well because I do really like the guy and it makes me sad that he has to have extra baggage!

Just some info on the guy I am dating; he has a good paying job and he works every day, he didn't ever get on with his ex, he said he really only stayed with her for the kids and out of sympathy because she had a rough upbringing and finally he seems to really love his kids which is a good thing!

However I would be much happier if I didn't get too involved with the kids ie. having to mother them like their own mother. I don't think I should have to do that especially when I am still young myself and because there is a big chance we may stop seeing each other.

Is it ok not to get too involved with his kids???
P.S. I am going to bring up this subject with him soon.

 

That's a rough one. Drumminmama's probably right. You're way too young to take on a mothers role with his kids. It's not fair to you,but especially not fair to the kids.

It worked for me and my ex,but it was a man taking some responsibility for her and my kids emotionally and we lived in the same little town. It was rough for the kids,but eventually worked itself out. Look elsewhere,as difficult as it may be now.

I single parented and it was good for me to do so. It will be good for him.

 

It is okay to not get close to his kids this early and probably a good idea not to! He should not be looking for someone else to take on the role of their mother and if he is get out. If you look at his kids as being baggage then you are better off not dating men with kids, because children should never be looked at as baggage. Bad sign if he is already talking about jealousy at such an early part of your relationship. If you want to be exclusive then by all means do it if not then don't. If things are moving to fast and you are letting it you will only have yourself to blame for it getting there.

 

when nyou dump him in a year he will try and say that his kids will suffer if you leave him.....i wouldnt even try and memorize their names....

as a matter of fact i think it would be great fun to purposely confuse their names every time they are in the room

instill some doubt in his head regarding the kids.....

do you smoke?....buy the kids some of those candy cigarettes so they can come outside with you and pretend smoke with you...

that one always gets me barred from the children lol

 

Agreed!

 

Well, they say-every man needs a maid. Don't go there.

 

Sounds to me like the kids are convenient to you in a way you don`t realize yet or are in denial about.

You say you`re mad that he`s got extra baggage, but you`re unable to tell us a single thing you like about the guy other than the fact that he`s just there. In fact, what you've told us so far are huge red flags that you`re giggling off...

It sounds to me the kids are convenient because you know you won`t have much competition from hot chicks hitting on a flat footed, single dad of two who doesn`t have money or one-sided attention to throw around.

About your mom, if you`re such an adult, why tell her your business at all? I have never told anything to my mom or dad even when I wasn`t an adult. :biggrin:

 

So you had to tell your Mom, eh?

I say you're not yet grown enuf for trouble-free long term relationships.

 

Get out of that relationship now!

 

dump him....

 

I say meet the kids , just tell them your a friend of there father . desert rat

 

Well you obviously don't have a good relationship with your mother then! That doesn't mean I am immature if I tell my mother serious matters like this. I just want her advice. By the way really creepy when you put the big smiley face at the end!! So you think your great that you never confided in your mother when you were a child or even an adult. How creepy and disrespectful you are to your parents!

Also there are no huge red flags that stated that I was just using him! I said I really like him I just didn't get into too much detail why I liked him, I just wanted to get straight to the point of my question thats all!

I wouldn't be writing this post if I didn't really like the guy at all! Its just frustrating that he has kids BUT I like kids before you say anything its just I don't want to get too involved with them because their feelings may get hurt in the long run.

 

Well since you won't take my advice and leave the relationship. Here's my pragmatic piece of advice.

Don't concern yourself too much with the emotional ripple effects you put on his kids. Kids learn to be pretty resilient. Just respect them and treat the kids right but make it clear to your man that you are not their babysitter or replacement mom.

Also long term, recognize NOW if you want your own children or not. Resenting him later for not giving you biological children will ruin you both long term and make the kids feel awkward.


Just know your trade offs and be at peace.

 

Sounds To Me Like He's Looking For A Babysitter With Benefit's...



Cheers Glen.

 

Probably the first thing on his mind are the kids, he's obviously gunna want to protect them from getting hurt in the long run..

I'm in a relationship with a man who isn't my child's father. At first I kept them seperate from eachother until it got serious, then I introduced them slowly and him as my 'friend'. They got on really good and still do, they love eachother really. We dont live together and we see eachother maybe once a week or so, and sometimes she's not here so she isnt accustomed to him being here all the time - just incase something did go wrong. He doesn't play daddy, but he's awesome with her, helping her learn to talk, playing cool games, everytime he comes over he brings her a new type of food to try (she's a picky eater), they are just like really good friends.

Dunno what you should do.
Just go on instincts. Mine told me to introduce my kid and my partner, so I did.
If you want to run then do it, I'd suggest letting him know and talking with him, I'm sure he will understand why you don't want to get too involved with the kids. Maybe set yourselves a time limit, example - 'if we are still happy together after 2 months then introduce me to your kids as a friend, see how it goes and then take it from there.' The kids don't automatically need to know your in a relationship.

 

You don't say whether the kids are with him all of the time, does he have them some weekends and a couple weeks a year? How often? That may help the decision. Take it slow, I like the give it a few months, and see where things are after that. Kids are resilient, but there's no sense putting them through things that you don't need to, but he should know that. How long has he been divorced?

 

And you have a great relationship with your mom when she interferes with your love life!

Dude, if you use the word creepy twice in the same paragraph, you`re bound to end up with a jealous guy who changes his status on Facebook after two weeks of knowing you without your consent. It`s a physical law, like gravity.

Have fun with it!

 

If you truly think of the children as baggage you should step back from the relationship. just sayin'

Tell him what you said above. That he is too serious too soon and how you really feel about him having children. Honesty about this is your best policy since he is already more attached to you than you are to him.