Legendary/wtf stories

alright, i'm sure there are lots of them out there. so get to posting them here.
they must be

1.true
2.have a title

it can be about you,someone you know, or the legend of your town etc.

ill start out w/ a couple so you can all get the idea. this isnt for the faint-hearted

 

THE GUY WHO COULDNT BLOW HIS WAD FAST ENOUGH

there is a bum guy here that i know personally. you just have to know him to understand this one.
it all starts out, at the local soup kitchen. he is eating at the table, when out of nowhere his brother comes in and says "hey ### you got a HUGE check at the house" at that moment all the bums turn their heads. his family sold their orange farm, and he had... a $700,000 at the house! so he cashed it in. what did he do w/ the money you ask? did he try to get off the streets? nope
he bought a house. bought a couple cars. had 30 crackwhores staying in his house. they'd fight over who got to sleep in his room every night cuz they knew that's where the crack was. he'd wake up, and every morning go to the atm and withdraw cash.
smoking $4,000 to $5,000 of crack everyday. where-ever he went all the crackwhores in town would follow him and not leave him alone, they knew he was loaded. well this was going on for like 4-5 months, then he got raided. cops took the house,cars, all his money.
BAM* 4/5 MONTHS blew through yes,,,$700,000 bucks!! wrap your mind around that one!

 

A LEGEND OF A LEGEND

there is this place in northern cali named wild woods. it's famous sort-of. even here on the east coast i find ppl when i describe this place to them, they'll say "yeah i know all about that crazy place". it is the craziest bum-trailer park place you can imagine. how do i know this? i stayed there for a month and a half. trust me, it's insane.
SO, a neighbor of mine there, has a story. 2 years before i got there this is what happened:
one night he and his gf were doing meth all night. after awhile, she wants a piece of action. this man is 60 or so years old mind you. he tries to get it hard, but it doesnt get hard. the girl gets upset and leaves. here... is where it gets crazy..
so he sayz to himself "well,, if i cant get it up anymore what the hell do i need it for then" he whips his dick out, and,,,, CHOPS IT IN HALF! he throws it out the window,,
AND FEEDS IT TO HIS DOG! i met the dog too btw.
on another note: when i was there, a friend of his was in his trailer looking through a magazine where you can order body parts i guess. the guy sayz to the legend "hey this one looks nice" it was a black dick. the man is white. just thought i'd put that in there.

 

George Bush got elected twice.