Full Trip Report : Dissolving Reality - My final experience

Seeking an experience I decided to go hunt for mushrooms, there are quite a few fields in my area known to produce magic mushrooms. Originally I expected to find P.Cubensis, which i had before, and was what was usually found in this area. I was pleased to find instead a fair amount of Panaeolus Cyanescens, which were reported to me having a different and stronger trip. I harvested 30 grams fresh, thumbing the caps of all i came across, leaving 1 cap per cluster.

Upon returning to town, i stopped by a friends house, 2 of my good friends and his wife were there. They were interested in what i found and urged me to trip in their company and have a fun night. I agreed, I planned to eat 20 grams fresh and enjoy their company and the perfect windy night.

[0:00] 20 grams fresh washed down with lemon juice (Rumor/myth/unconfirmed to decrease comeup period and intensify trip)

[0:15] .4 cannabis smoked out of a gravity bong, i'm pretty stoned, bullshit with my friends and listen to some music

[0:30] Something is defiantly happening, im not so high anymore, i feel pretty strange but it's unexplainable. I have a hard time focusing on certain conversations and objects

[0:45] It's coming along in slow waves, the tide is slowly rising.

[01:15] Distortions almost constant in my peripheral vision, the shadows the ceiling fan is creating are stretching and covering my vision if i focus on them.

[01:30] I have a hard time focusing on anything, the visuals arn't to amazing, but i feel very disconnected and lights are growing and breathing. "I can't even look at your ceiling right now man, its trowing light at me"

[01:45] My thoughts are random and spaced out disconnected, I start to be come uncomfortable . I tell my friend I want to go home and lay in bed and listen to music , im getting a bad body load now. I bid my other friend and his wife goodnight and begin the 2 block walk home.

[01:50] Outside is like a whole new universe, the cool air feels great and the sky is amazing, the walk home i spend much of it completely silent in bliss. But the lack of interesting visuals and the desire to listen to music drives me inside.

[2:00] My friend brings us a chocolate muffin, i eat it, it's wonderful, but the sensation of eating is quite weird. I lay down in my bed and my friend begins to try and show my trippy videos on the pc. But I am uninterested "Just leave the music, i can make better stuff behind my eyes"

[2:30] Shit hits the fan. From this point on time stamps are irrelevant, time is distorted and stopped at certain times. Soon the closed eye visuals and music fade away, and all my thoughts start to contradict themselfs.

[2:40] All my thoughts are spinning backwards in on themselfs, everything contradicts everything else, i feel like something important is about to happen and that every detail of the world is now important to my very existence.

[2:50] My ego slaps me in my face "you're losing yourself and your thoughts are in a bad place, you fool, you are on drugs remember that" I come back to reality, i try talking to my friend and try to get interested in something else. But a wave of psychedelia crashes over me.

[3:00] There are now fractals peeling and peeking out from every contrast edge of the world, from borders on the computer screen to every eyelash on my friends face. The sudden blast of visuals shock me. Soon my mind starts twisting on itself, i come up with grand scary bizarre stories about life and reality in my mind, i remember thinking something like "Holy shit is this exsistance?REALITY? THIS IS SOME STEPHEN KING SHIT!"

[3:20] Shit is beyond weird im lost in a sea of thoughts for who knows how long, time is starting and stoping. One of my multiple trains of thoughts over bears the others, i think of my last strong very spirtual LSD trip I had. The trip jumps straight to where that one left off.

[3:30]-[4:00] My ego has long enough to think.. "Thats it you're so far down the rabbit hole now, you'll never get out, that LSD experince was mind blowing and you're about to finish that ride" A voice was talking to me, but I was the voice, but the voice was also everything. We said "Didn't you learn enough last time?"

Suddenly everything and nothing was making sense, everything spun down to the logical conclusion. I was god, or a part of god, and that we had created this reality to experience life in a physical form. And since i had come to this realization, i could no longer exsist in what i had once called reality. I started to be with drawn into the void of eternal energy that is existence. All of the physical world started to face and deconstruct and with draw into me.

I felt the eternal bliss of the vibrating energy and contentment i was everything and nothing. My ego now totally gone,I traveled light years away and felt everything possible. Then, i felt a pang of loneliness and desire. My ego took this chance to rush back to the surface "No i yelled, I want my old life, I want to love and do the things I love!"."Our voice" responded "But what have you learned in that life? We both know physical doesnt matter, eternal life is right here, dont you want to transcend?" "No i yelled, im not ready! I want!"

Reality rushed back, but i was still very paranoid and thought i was god. I begged my friend to tell me everything, to just talk, tell me what he was thinking things i couldnt possibly know. He sensed i was in a very scary place and he hesitated to answer, afraid to scare me, but his hesitation was the worst thing he could have done. I started to freak. He told me everything was ok , and yelled, "Aron its ok, you're on drugs, we need to go for a walk, i love you man!" This snapped me back and i thanked him.

We walked outside, i told him " You know? I thought i was god just now, and i almost thought myself and everyone else out of existence." "Yeah, i could tell something was extremely far out man thats insane, you were so fucked your vibes were even brain fucking me" I thought I was tripping too for a second"

His response didnt really sooth me, and i started to analyze what happend, I had some very scary thoughts, then i started to come to this realization. The voice came back "our voice"." Don't you see now? Life is beautiful, and if you try to backtrack and over analyze, you miss the rest, flow forward, stop coming here to fight life, you dont need drugs to see life is amazing and enjoy yourself... but you already knew that, fool."

[5:00] My thoughts smooth out and i can return to half way normal human thinking, were now at my friends house, he builds a fire and invited me over, the energy of this normal reality is very soothing to me. I sit back in contemplation , I look over at him with a huge grin and i say " You know what? I cant believe i survived that, you're my bestfriend man i love you, life is so fucking amazing and beautiful, and we have to enjoy every moment of it because one day we will lose this reality and our egos, were just here to enjoy and experience man"

[5:30-6:00] I spend the come down and afterglow loving life and being an awe and feeling very humble about the whole thing. I tried to talk about some of the things i felt, but its always so hard. I decided I was done with psychedelics, i obtained all i could possibly could from them. This new out look and love for life was amazing. I went and visited my mom and huged her with a new level of love i had never knew before.

All I could tell my friends was that it was not very visual, but it was the biggest mind fuck trip i ever had, maybe the scariest or second scariest, but probably the most beneficial.

I seriously doubt ill be using psychedelics in the future. I think my spiritual mind set that developed over the course of my psychedelic experiences , will make all my future trips similar to my last 3. Very contemplative of existence and life, with elements of psychosis and paranoia , then with a realization and lesson that glows through. I don't think i need the drugs anymore to remember that place, i can think back on it, then look around at the world and just smile and love and cherish its beauty.

 

thanks for sharing. sounds like a solid trip

 

"Didn't you learn enough last time?" Is there any serious tripper who hasn't had that thought? What do you think about your dose in retrospect? Really good TR.

 

i think he said in chat or somewhere that he took this trip awhile ago, meaning this report is in retrospect


edit: should of just let turkey answer. i thought it was longer ago.
if it was only two days...give it two months, two years, two decades - maybe you will trip again someday. but if you don't, that's cool too.

 

Yeah, this was posted two days after the trip.

To sum up how I feel, i'd say im very greatful to LSD and mushrooms, for showing me how to appreciate what we call life, and the lessons they taught me on how i should try to spread happiness and understanding, and to let life flow.

Although i would say, there are some negative aspects. I'm now a bit scared to trip further, only because i feel if i bring back anymore knowledge from that place, i wont be able to intergrate back into reality. But fear isnt the only reason, i feel like i have enough to think about and reflect on for years and years, if i enter the psychedelic world again, i will be a much much older man. Im strugling with some alienation also, its a little hard to feel like some what alone with these feelings. The silliness and confusion of society depresses me some what.. why can we all just realize theres so much more and make life beautiful for everyone? I just want to scream out what would be consider ed craziness, in public places. But, i dont feel better than anyone, i remember not being able to think outaide of mynown existence also..

I have a total sense of being slowly reborn, my old worries gone, my outlook on life, extremly more pleasant.

I just feel somewhat lost though, because im not too sure where to contunue from here.. how do i use my new life views and understandings to make life better for myself and others? I feel stuck somewhat, so instead ive decided to stick to the most obvious lesson instead... move forward, enjoy life.

 

i'd say that's some of the best advice you could hope to get - move forward, enjoy life. spread joy like you said above. and for the feeling lost part, just give it some time. things will fall into place.

 

Really, an interesting report. There were aspects of your thoughts I can identify with and I can only say for myself, those aren't bad things to contemplate while you 'reintegrate'.
This stood out to me...

I'm on the fence about this whole idea of the value of psychedelics to bring you this kind of outlook...

Maybe you don't NEED drugs to see this... but is it bad if you have these experiences that you might not have otherwise, may have taken a long time to do otherwise, etc? Some people have these kinds of experiences in meditative or yoga practices, in religious faith, or spontaneously. I don't think one is inherently better than another. It's the means to an end sort of thing.
I will share this. As someone who had transformative experiences in my teens, ones that literally helped shape my world-view, I then went many years without. It wasn't just psychedelics, I stopped weed, alcohol, all of it except caffeine. I would say that if you feel strongly that you've benefited as much as you can/want at this point, give it a rest. There are many more pursuits to feed your human desire for experience. There may come a time when you feel the desire to revisit these things. And they will be much different because YOU will be different. One's psychedelic trip is unique to each person because of what they bring to it as individuals. You as an individual will be a different person and as such, will have different experiences.
Enjoyed your post. It's a nice example of doing it right, IMO. :2thumbsup:

 

well said!

 

Hell, I lost a whole post, 2-finger typer that I am. But I really did want to say something to you, man.

" i feel like i have enough to think about and reflect on for years and years, if i enter the psychedelic world again, i will be a much much older man. Im strugling with some alienation also, its a little hard to feel like some what alone with these feelings. The silliness and confusion of society depresses me some what.. why can we all just realize theres so much more and make life beautiful for everyone?"

Everything Voyage said.

After some frequent LSD use, I went 35 years with no psychedelics (except for one trip). Talk about long-term effects. Yet my life has been informed and influenced by psychedelic experience and illuminations. What a blessing to have seen the light! The question is, what then?

For me, the answer was working in service to others, living more or less simply and cheaply, being around beautiful things (like the garden, Buddhist art), trying to be nice… I bake bread, garden, make preserves, have a bowl, backpack, travel, do psytrance things, spiritual studies, and so on.

From time to time, we ask ourselves, how am I doing? I like sometimes to look back at where I started - things always look better with that in mind. When you understand the acid test, you realize life is the acid test.

The question about dose was, do you think it was a good or excess amount?

 

Thanks for the responses guys.

I totally agree with you, im very thankful for drugs to bring me into this new mindset, and im sure i wouldnt have gotten to this place without them. Its more like i no longer need them, but i guess i did before, because yes i agree there are other ways to go about obtaining experiences, but i wouldnt have been able to accept or use them with my old mindset, i guess i did need them to open my doors of perception.

Hmm well, i haven't really thought about the actual dosage. I feel like... the dosage was just the amount it should have been, almost like it was predestined. I harvested 30 grams, but on my ride back 10 grams was reduced to tiny peices in my pocket, so i ended up just trowing it out.

It was also a very different trip than my other mushroom trips that were much more psychical, visual, and rooted inreality. But they were also a different species of mushroom, so idk if i can compare them.

 

I think your body and minds react so much on every thing

 

Nice trip report thanks for sharing

 

Well, as accepted as criminals and crazies who cause harm are in our society, it would probably be nice to have a free-spirited hippy yelling 'Why don't we all love each other as we all wanna be loved!!" now and then.

 

Lol, quite true. Maybe I'll just give in to my urges next time. Now that i think about it I'd make me quite happy if I got to witness that.

 

Turkey, by now you might be hearing just how bright This Moment is...

TM, that's golden.

Very insightful of you. Good stuff. It's really good to see a thread like this, to serve as an example on here of a positive way to use these things to improve your life and help you become a better person.
Well done Sir...

I finally got to go to Burning Man this year and people actually would do this sort of thing there. It's a shame that doing something like that in the "normal" world would be frowned upon, looked at as crazy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51ieG0UfdZ8"]acid test graduation - YouTube

 

Now here's just another bad example of the negative impact "hippies" have on our society.
Whats next? Peace love and understanding??? :love:
Damned hippies...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WHL7tNio90"]Burning Man Hugs - YouTube

 

Sweet report dude, can relate to the outcome.. I'd rep you but I've been pretty trigger happy with that button recently.. so fuck it.. +imaginary rep

 

Thank you Voyage.

Tripping is a big deal, isn't it.

 

^^^ Ya, it is :sunny:

Wondering how Turkey is feeling these days...

 

Fantastic report!

I think your ego was playing tricks on you though, its scarred your going to die or something.

You got to tell it to shut up and let you go deeper into the experience. There is always more to learn.

You could of let yourself slip into eternity, you would have not regretted once on the other side, and you still would of come back, you wouldn't have stayed forever. You could of experienced that you were god, rather than just thinking it.

I am glad though it helped you to see and appreciate reality. When you go so far out it can be extremely intense, when you come back into the comfort of your own reality it is really humbling. Its like the feeling of going on vacation and coming home to lay in your own bed, it was a wonderful and rich experience but its nice to come back and say, "aah home sweet home."