From Co-sleeping to Going to sleep with a babysitter? Help?

I have two little girls 5 and 2.

We currently co-sleep and my two year old is still be nursed pretty regularly, especially before bed.

I'm pretty likely to get a job in which I'll have to be gone during those bedtime hours and during the whole time they'd be asleep.

Someone else will have to put them to sleep and stay with them in case they wake up and put them back to sleep.

What I'm planning is to express enough milk so they can have some while I'm gone, but I almost feel like this is torture for them...but I really feel like I have no choice.

I'm also really picky about who I'm willing to have watch them and I'm wondering what can I do to help make a smooth transition and is this too much for a babysitter to deal with?

For the record...my 5 year old has slept on her own before and both girls actually sleep on their own pretty often they just don't know it...we go to sleep together and I tend to wake up to work(at home).

However she gets really sad at nighttime and I have quite a routine to get her into bed and it is very intensive. In some ways I feel I am burnt out on putting them to sleep at night and I'm glad to be able to get someone else to do it, at the same time I feel guilty and like it will be impossible to actually get it to work.

Also, I'll be losing a lot of my time to work on my at-home work because I'll be working away from home during those hours and then need to sleep when I get back home...

I am a single parent and I really don't have any support from anyone. I could probably get a family member to do this for me but I feel like it would be traumatic for them because I don't see them going the lengths that I go through to help them feel safe and comfy for bed.

The reason I've decided to take this job is because my friend is helping me get the job and she's going to drive me there because she works there and I can't really do any other work without transportation and I have some special circumstances and environments I can't work in...

I want very, very badly to get out the situation I'm in and this would be temporary, but I want to be able to still do my at-home work, because I'm committed to that even though I'm not as efficient at it right now as I should be...and in order to take a job for me it has to be one that pays really, really well which this one is...which will allow me to move on faster...so I am just not sure what to do...

I feel sad that I will have to leave them with someone who may not care for them properly, but I think I have to get to a place where we are in a better community of people ASAP.

If you've read this...you're an angel...thanks already.

 

can i be brutally honest...i hope yes

lose the breast feeding..its gonna be way too much.....dont work at night because you will need a second babysitter to sleep days....if you are so worried about co sleeping...or as it is known where i live,''a 1 bedroom apartment'' why vare you working nites?...you are making a tough situation even tougher

explain


and ya

i'm an angel

 

Don't tell me to lose breastfeeding...I'm a breastfeeding counselor and I refuse to argue with anyone on that...that part is easy...

Other than that...I'm working nights because it is the only time I can work. I'm only going to do it 2-4 nights a week anyway. Forgot to mention that. When I get home I will sleep and have the babysitter bring the girls home later... or something of that sort...

 

a professional breast feeder...thats cool...still...its gonna be tiring... ...what about grammas?

 

All's I'm saying is breastfeeding is not the issue here...
Grandma's won't work. I have an aunt who can help...and if I have no other choice that is who I'll go with...but it sucks when it is your family and they have their judgements and criticisms about how you parent and with me being much younger they will do what they want and not listen to me anyway...

I know because I've tried before.

I think my family is full of negative, passive-aggressive, bullies and the only person I really trust would be my grandma or a cousin of mine but they aren't available.

 

If it's not the issue, then don't bring it up!

Breastfeeding a 5 year old is controversial (if your a counselor then you know this.). And I stand on the side of stop breastfeeding at 2!

Also, I don't support cosleeping. It's your life and you should do what you want (but if you ask on a public forum you're going to get opposing views). I've heard of too many babies being smothered, plus I think kids need to be independent. Or they end up like your kids and can't even sleep through the night!

I doubt you're going to find a babysitter that wants up put up with all of this. I think you need to lower your standards and realize that if you leave your child with someone, they may not do everything the way you want 100%!

 

Can you build up your at home business? You've chosen to parent with the attachment method, and it doesn't allow for a job outside the home.

If you choose to take the job, then I think you probably need to be very gradual as you introduce new ways to your girls for their bedtime. Or find a job that has a shift AFTER you put them in bed. You can wean them from breast milk unless you strongly believe there are nutritional benefits. After a year it's mostly the bonding, and you can substitute that with other behaviors.

With being single, and needing an income, you can build a life with them that is more compatible the necessities of life that you face. Bottom line, it's going to be tough on them. Help them be strong, and they'll have to help you too.

 

Honestly sounds like the job could be a good thing....... a bit of independence for everybody.

 

5 and 3 y/o aren't meant to be independent.

 

They are supposed to be sleeping through the night, in their own room preferably! They don't need to be waking up for breastfeeding. The 5y/o is about to start school... their needs to be some independence there!

 

I wasn't saying send them out working.

I love my kids to pieces but seriously when my 3 yo goes to daycare he learns so much more.

He learns that mummy can go away and still come back, he makes friends. Social interaction with other kids is a great thing!!!

And I've seen kids starting school who haven't been away from mum and you can tell, they cry and scream when school should be fun.

And if they aren't sleeping through the night..... thats bad too. They need a full night sleep at that age.

And I think you should be respectful too, it is an open forum where anybody can make responses, just b/c it doesn't sit right with you doesn't mean it's disrespectful.

 

Breast Feeding A 5 Year Old Child,

You Have To Be Joking....Right.??



Cheers Glen.

 

I was wondering the same thing Glen!
A 5 y/o should already be in kindergarten.

 

Just wow... some of you are really ignorant.

 

Indeed...:2thumbsup:.

I Feel There Is Something Very Wrong With The Original Post, But, At This Point

In Time, I Can't Quite Put My Finger On It...



Cheers Glen.

 

Ignorant Of WHAT..???



Cheers Glen.

 

Who are you to say what they should and shouldn't be doing? You're not their mother.

I rest my case.

 

This is a horribly ignorant post. Regardless of what you've "heard", the medical records don't support your gullible urban legends of kids being smothered in their sleep by co-sleeping parents. The rare occasions where it does happen are almost invariably related to drug or alcohol use.

Your personal views of when to wean are irrelevant here, as are most of your views anywhere.

 

My suggestion, is to stop what she's doing and start teaching her children independence.


Mod team snip

 

Not even going through the second pages...nowhere did I say my children don't sleep through the night...usually they do...but not even all adults sleep through the night so it would be ridiculous to assume that anyone, no matter their age is going to sleep through the night everynight.

Secondly, my kids are plenty independent... there are ways in which, as children they are meant to be attached to whoever is caring for them... just because society may tell people to disconnect from their children ASAP, doesn't mean it is good for them. I am not looking to please anyone and I'm not looking to fulfill anyone's ideas of what's supposed to be on short-term level, I'm looking at the long-term, and there is tons of research supporting the fact that children need a lot more support, for much longer than many people in capitalist societies have the time or care to give to them.

Thirdly, I have worked and attachment parented at the same time, plenty of times...not that I have ever called it attachment parenting, and I'm sure there is a lot of backlash about this due to all the recent media coverage and the fact that people think that if you do something they don't do or that wasn't done to them, you're insulting them.

Fourth, my 5 year old has already started school...she is homeschooling... they are supposed to be doing whatever keeps them feeling safe, growing physically, mentally, intellectually. My kids are smart enough and I am smart enough to breathe while we sleep and not get smooshed. Sorry that's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Fifth...co-sleeping is not anything new. My mom co-slept with me until I was maybe 8...in my family and many others it is tradition. There was no attachment there... it just made sense when children are afraid of sleeping on their own to not force them to.

Oftentimes we don't realize the trauma we put our kids through...forcing them to grow up too fast...of course everyone goes through trauma of some sort, but it doesn't hurt to minimize that and everyone has their own pace in which to do things...honestly dixie pixy a lot of what you're saying is so ignorant there is really no point in responding...

Cal girl...thanks for your response. I believe I can build my business up, just I might not be able to do that in the environment I'm in. I have started a business coaching program this month that should help me get a lot further with it than I have... I have built it up a little since I've been here, but not nearly as much as I would've been able to in a more positive environment...so I just want to do what I can to get out of here, at that point I think I'll be in a great position to stabilize my business and make a better income.