Right.. I sit here now on about 25-30mg AMT.. and I'm going to warn you all that this will probably be a very fuckin' long post because.. I'm wired. And tripping. And I just want to share, share, share! That being said, I think it could be quite an interesting read. I know it's gonna be for me in the morning No idea how to start this, but the amphetamine quality is bringing out the need for me to do shit - so I thought instead of spamming multiple threads trying to get my point across I'd just do it all here. Not that there is a point.. aaaagh amphetamines Right, so I munched a capsule about 4 or 5 hours ago(I think). Time doesn't make too much sense at the moment, but if I can be assed I can kinda figure things out.. but there's just really no need to. An interesting point of AMT. The psychedelic headspace is very much there, but the amphetamine edge just keeps bringing it back down to the material world.. as a solo expedition, it's not nearly as enjoyable as when I first took it with 2 of my good friends.. just because having those other people around satisfied that amphet thing of just being able to talk and bounce ideas off one another. That's not to say I'm not enjoying this, I really am - but that's the really strange thing about AMT. You're kinda drifting away in a no-mans land.. stuck between the material world and the.. "spiritual", or psychedelic headspace. As I type this, it's really incredible to just view what I'm actually thinking about. I'm completely aware that my fingers are just going apeshit across this keyboard, and that's really satisfying cos there's all that ENERGY to use up!! but at the same time, the drug blesses you with this incredibly clear headed awareness.. of EVERYTHING. It's kinda like every aspect of the universe(or whatever you wanna call it) is on one of those rotating sushi bars.. you can pick that up, have a look at it.. marvel at it, and then resume with whatever you were doing and have a look at the next thing. I went on a walk earlier as I was coming up, and I constructed the scenario that the amphetamine edge is a metaphor of the ego. It constantly wants to find something else to do, it's never quite happy.. something's always just there ahead of you that you'd like to grasp at, just to try and squeeze every little possible bit of satisfaction out of that particular moment.. and it's tiring. But at the same time, it's quite amusing to sit and here and watch my body just do all these crazy little things.. my mind is completely at peace but my body is just extracting everything it can from within to get it on the outside.. like that's gonna solve all my "problems".. but there no problems.. I just am. Intellectually I know that, and spiritually. But still.. the amphetamine/ego needs to find some way of trying to justify whatever I'm doing. Very strange drug is AMT. It's very hard to have bad time - but very hard to reach the state of mind that my ego is currently telling me to get to, from my past experiences with LSD, LSA and mushrooms. Even though I'm there.. just in a more agitated kinda way. I think if you wanna take it just to trip out, it's a bit disappointing. I've had some really interesting visuals that I can kinda add bits on to and kinda "personalise" them, and it's really really fucking colourful.. But from an intellectual standpoint, I've really got to know "myself".. just by watching the jitteriness from the peaceful state of constant reflection and awareness.. and applying it to everyday life. Makes me laugh at how seriously I take things sometimes.. and I'd like to add that I'm a relatively very laid back individual. It just can't be helped sometimes, even though, paradoxically, it can. Right.. well I've given myself some shit to think on for the next.... 7+ hours or some shit, I'll probably come back to this because finding shit to do on my own with all this energy, but obvious "inebriation" is hard.. Drawing sounds like a good plan.
Ok, drawing hasn't turned out to be that good. Can't settle on anything, which is the strange beauty of it. Pure anarchy - I'll post a pick up of my scrawls later cos I just tried to figure out my camera.. too many buttons and other shit for me to manage right now. Have had the realisation of how much power music has to alter your trip. I always knew it would change the experience, but some Sphongle has literally kicked the visuals into overdrive.. in a very different way to the usual psychedelic thing... but I still keep saying to myself "is this all you can be doing with this experience? sitting.. typing some random babble out onto a random page on the internet?!". And quite simply... Yes. I "need" to get this out of me. As much as things are amazing and all that, no one being here to talk to is slightly frustrating. It's mentally straining to just keep on the ball at all times, and live purely in the moment when you're getting forced to do something else at all times. It's more become about filling time, unfortunately. Which is the very basis of what I've lived most of my life up until the past 6 months or so.. purely just filling time between the "big" events in my life, missing all the minor things that make up this pure existence. Being faced with the infinite like this.. with this "sober" state of mind the amphetamine edge brings out, is daunting... There is SO much that I could do.. but so much else that I could be doing instead. And what's wrong with sitting here? What the fuck do I do? Besides smoke another joint.. I've gone through like 4g in the past hour.. I can't afford that shit, haha. And then - the awareness comes back and kicks me in the head and says "relax... you're under the effects of a relatively low dose psychedelic with amphetamine qualities", no fucking wonder you're feeling so mindfucked - it's cos you ARE. Hahaha.. cosmic giggle. Joint time.
And so it continues.. The edge is annoying, but one thing.. being stuck with myself for this long has also made me realise that all you've got to have is complete and utter honesty and self acceptance. All I wanna do is just go to sleep, but I can't. These are my circumstances and they're unavoidable.. so why am I drawing myself into irritated thought loops. Still gotta keep typing.. apologies. I've had the thought since like.. hour 3 or something of this experience that some acid would be great - just so I can dissolve and forget stop worrying about this long, drawn out experience.. but then it hit me. Don't need the acid, still right here.. experiencing. These irritated, almost negative, thought patterns aren't going away.. I know that, I just want to keep moaning about it for some strange and obscure reason - just watch them. Keep watching. It's incredibly interesting, and satisfying to watch them go by, and not get caught in them. Why had the thought of the stronger experience even entered my mind? Cos this somehow, all that I'm doing, living and feeling.. wasn't good enough. I mean.. wow. I've known this for fucking ages, everyone knows it. But still.. in the western world we keep going on, going and going and going. Those of us who want to break out of that want to keep going and going by just taking psychedelic drugs.. so we can have all these profound realisations and such. But it really isn't necessary at all.. I'm still agitated and full of energy, but as I said - the empathogenic qualities are amazingly honest. I can bullshit myself, but I know I'm doing it.. and there's really no point. And I look back on day to day life - even the very reason I took the AMT in the first place.. "I haven't tripped in a while, life's going a bit slow at the moment, art's getting frustrating and I need to break open my mind again". Bullllshit. It's all the fucking same, amazing. Even the shit that's sticking to the bottom of your shoes.. amazingly shit. It's as soon as you close yourself off from the world by saying "I need to take these drugs to gain enlightenment", you've missed the point. I've known this for ages, but I've kept doing it because things go stale and I get trapped into viewing things from an ego's point of view. That's the only problem with psychedelics.. sure they're great for opening your mind, but the problem with having that short cut is that you lack the discipline to enforce the mind. As soon as you come down, you're left with all these thoughts of how to integrate and what to do to make yourself feel at peace with the world.. but that initial thought of "this isn't good enough, I'm not at peace, I need to get somewhere else" is exactly the problem. And what's so mind bogglingly weird is that I know all this shit!! But it's too easy to fall into the trap.. and such is life. All that really matters is awareness, and beyond that - acceptance. This may be where I end this report, but I honestly don't know. I feel now that I can quite happily sit in bed and twitch until I fall asleep, and wake up sober-ish.. but I may feel the need to share some "marvellous insight" again.. so we shall see. Peace!
I can certainly see how an amphetamine edge to a psychedelic trip could provoke thought loops, and prevent the ego from dissolving. AMT has never sounded like the most appealing trip. It seems like something good to take for an event or in combination with something else. I could imagine a low dose of MDMA would help the flow of the AMT trip. Anyway you can only benefit from facing yourself. It's not always fun but it's usually necessary when it happens. Try to remain grounded in the knowledge that the universe is as it should be. Don't let anything convince you otherwise. Find peace in all situations with this knowledge.
Well.. that was weird. Dream tripping, definitely feel like I've had no sleep but I think I might have done.. because I was definitely dreaming, but in so many colours, and lucidly. Walking a long a street and looking at the colours shift within a lamp post, with rapid colour shifts going on all around.. very subtly. Not gonna lie, that was a pain in the ass. Definitely not a solo drug, recreationally. At least on its own.. but rewarding? Oh fuck yes. The sunrise is absolutely insane - the beautiful contrasts of red and blue in the sky, and the orange glow highlighting my window frame.. mist in the valley.. gaaaah. I'd take a picture, but Ijust can't be assed.. I wanna respond to you right now Lysergic, but it's somehow devaluing the sunrise - so I'll give it a few more hours Edit: Right, ok. More or less baseline, 15 hours later, still not 100% sure if I've slept or not but I'm feeling rested. Regarding the thought loops, yeah - they're strange. They don't take you by surprise like the usual psychs and you don't take them as literally. You're consciously aware that you're about to re-enter the loop but the amphet just drives you in there anyway.. gets a bit tedious, but that's what you can learn from it. It's not the experience itself that was bad, just the judgement of it. I think some MDMA might have detracted from the experience, because I find it makes you a bit more clumsy in the thought department, and it's just really really pushy, one of the main reasons I'm not much of a fan. On AMT it's like you're operating on 2 different levels of consciousness simultaneously, that you can see and evaluate at all times. Things aren't just given to you like they are on a classic psychedelic, or forced on you - you gotta kinda work a bit to draw some understanding from it all and accept that the wired element is just pushing you to experience something else in the moment. Strange, because although it was no where near ego loss - it really did emphasize ego awareness, as you may or may not have gathered from the read. Just trying to cling to the fact that I wanted a full on mind blowing experience was making this not as enjoyable as it could have been - and once I realised that it was my ego that was just getting in the way, things just started to flow a bit better. A lot less "stressful", more like "what is the amphetamine side gonna give me now? Ahh, that's different! cheeky little thing.." "The Ego is a great servant, but a lousy master" - whoever said that. Lot's of people probably.. cos they're right. Sounds so basic and obvious now, but the "trap" is so subtle. After all of that I'd recommend it. It's a beautiful drug with some friends, really awesome vibes that can either be filled by dancing or just talking - would be the perfect festival drug in my opinion. But taken on your own, it's a good teacher. Or you are.. whatever. . Still would like to experience it over another psychedelic, think that'd be awesome - but probably not gonna trip again for a while. This has given me a lot to think about, and experience. We'll see Edit Edit: Here's the drawings. Crazy Jazz Sax Man.. drawn on the come up, interesting to see how the perspective was so exaggerated, and how detail and regular form just wasn't happening. Reference was doing some crazy things. This was just mad. started trying to trace the patterns(topmost) which was really entertaining, but the pencil end wasn't sharp enough so I couldn't get the subtlety and intricate detail. Gave up. Left was gonna be a mandala, but got bored.. and pushed along again. Right was just mayhem, scrawling random shit and trying to link it together. Really got into the rhythm of the music and started just playing around with pencil strokes that fitted into flow of the music.. But yeah.. too edgy for anything decent, and wasn't nearly as enjoyable.
I love AMT. A friend from here ordered some and we did it together a few times. We didn't have a mg scale so I have no idea what the doses were. The first time I just did a tiny amount and went to work and felt keyed up the whole day, in a very good mood with boundless energy but no psychedelic properties. On subsequent experiences I took higher doses and found the trip to be, of course, like a tryptamine with a stimulant drive to it. These two aspects might seem conflicted and counterproductive to some, like the OP for instance, but I enjoyed it. I like the drawings.
Ah I love aMT. But you definitely cannot take it expecting a mushroom or LSD strength experience. I don't know why it has this reputation for being some kind of king of psychedelics, it's not, it's really more the king of all day buzz. It sounds to me like you were completely unprepared for the experience with amt you really should plan an all day adventure, not just laze around at home waiting for random activities to tickle your fancy. it really shines out in nature. pack a bag full of liquids, food, whatever you want (music, magnifying glass, pot, journal etc) and just head on out into the wild. I felt like I was on amt reading your TR when you are out in nature exploring and moving your body, this antsy energy is channeled profoundly and the experience gets much better. save the sitting around and smoking pot for like hour 12 when you get back home and your body is tired. for the peak you absolutely must engage actively in something for many hours IMO. And of course go with the flow, it sounds like you spent a lot of your trip battling against your pre-conceived notions of what your trip was going to be like. Work with what you have
Yeah I'd actually quite like to try that, and definitely wasn't prepared for this amount of buzz.. I just didn't notice it as much as when I "trolled" with a group. We mostly just sat down and chatted shit. I wasn't expecting a profound experience, I had wondered what it would be like as a solo trip. Not that great just sitting in my room, but I got a lot more from it than I expected.. so pretty glad I did it, even though the most of it dragged. My parents were also in, which limited what I could do - completely underestimated it to be honest.. even though it wasn't a bad experience. I'll bare that in mind though, still got another 2 caps - but feeling fine for a trip for a while.
