I hate my father

my dad. With all my heart. All the other childrn are gold and I'm always the worst. I so hope me and my mom are going to live away from him in about 2/3 months. f*uck it will be soo long, but this waiting will be worth it. i wish and hope we can make it. I cant stand his crap no longer and what i hate the most; him blaming my mom for everything that goes wrong.

wish us luck, well need it.

 

That suck. I had the greatest father. It's so sad to hear when people have fucked up parents.

 

I'm so happy for u that u had this luck in youre life, which is BIG. Parents are the only one who ''should'' stand by ur side in hard days and i was trying to respect him no matter what, but sometimes things cross the line..

 

My father dislikes me too, and I am his first born out of 6 children, through three different women. He has very close, loving and fun relationships with all of my other 5 siblings, including my only full-sister who is 2 years younger than I (she is 25). I don't know why he doesn't want anything to do with me, he has never *really* been particularly mean to be, but has always either been absent or disinterested, and so eventually I just gave up contacting him. I will never understand it and despite my feelings about him as a person, I do carry a lot of pain around from it, because although he claimed to be "ok" with me coming out to him, I've felt like my being somewhat effeminate has always had at least something to do with his ignoring me. I wonder sometimes, if he even thinks about me. I have two children of my own, and I cannot imagine ever being so distant to them as he is with me.

Good luck, I hope you and your mother find peace at home. Home is the only place where every person should not be afraid or hesitant to go to, and yet far too often, it's the total opposite for many of us.

 

I hope it works out for you and your mother.

You're right, parents should always support you and help guide you in your life.

 

i think i can tottaly imagine how u feel, especially those to be ignored feelings.
but like u said; u cannot imagine to be like this to youre children. so I'm only glad that he gave me a total picture of what not to be later in youre life. and how absolutley not behave to yore family. if i ever have one, I'm never letting those kind of things to happen.

 

Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me right now!

 

I'm sorry to hear that

 

any ideas why he behaves this way?


sounds like maybe you side with your mom, and because he blames her for everything, you get it too.


unfortunately some parents play political games in their families.

other siblings may be afraid to go against him if they think they will lose favor.

sorry it's like this. family therapy might be good, but it sounds like things may already be beyond repair.

 

yes, i have alot ideas why is he acting like this and there are really many things that are not going right ways in our family. political games is just the right word of what we have;/ its too complicated to tell it all here. yim on mothers side, cuz i see shes right , my dad is becoming just someone i knew. i cant even talk normal to him, he just wont listen,he still thinks im a stupid 14yrs old girl which is not taking life serious and hes blaming mine mistakes and judge me of not being perfect but at the same time not even giving me any support in anything.

im sorry its hard to explain ,its really F* up the whole situation.. and it really hurts. i use to love my dad and respect, but now ..:/

 

Hi.

my father use to beat us with sticks when mules went slow. he made us go barefoot up mountains and bring water for my brothers. but my brothers would steal a tub and i would get whip six times for them. they never cared. i had to make extra baskets for them, they never said thanks. i dont think family understands or my father.

thanks.
steve french

 

Bear with me here for a second, because I'm going to share an opinion that many may not like, but I've lived it, so I know.

My father and I were at odds for years. He treated me like absolute garbage during his second marriage to my "evil stepmother."

During those years, I felt exactly as you did. I couldn't stand him AT ALL!

And don't get me wrong, he definitely wasn't perfect. He drank heavily, put work before all else, wasn't emotional-never expressed any kind of love toward us...he was always distant. The way I describe him is that he drifted through his life carelessly-always breaking hearts, always indirectly hurting others without really caring about them.

It wasn't until I was about 20 that I actually changed my way of thinking. I knew there were things about him that would drive me nuts, but I found a way to accept those things. I was able to establish a relationship with him-slowly. And I was able to do that by spending one-on-one time with him, learning about who he was and what he enjoyed. I learned a lot from him about many things.

By the time I was finally able to say that my father was the greatest man I'd ever met, he had been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreaticobiliary cancer. In case you didn't know (which most people don't), 80% of people die within the first 6 months of a diagnosis like that.

I was able to savor the last 10 months of his life with him. I spent every waking second with him or thinking about him. I stood by him during his final months of life.

I share this story with you because I want you to think long and hard before saying you HATE someone. I know, everyone has their reasons, but unless your father tried murdering you or someone you love, or he raped or beat you repeatedly, then HATE is a horribly strong word to use.

Sometimes, just accepting the things that make you crazy about another person can turn your relationship around. That's what I did...I accepted the ugly things about my father. I didn't ever grow to like those things, but I didn't let them stand in front of our relationship. Granted, the ugly things were always there...sometimes we'd argue about them, but overall, I never let them bring us down once I got him back into my life.

So, again, think long and hard about hating your father or anyone in your life for that matter...because I'd never wish the cards I was dealt on another person.

 

Bear with me for a while. My father disowned me for being gay and he is an alcoholic who is verbally abusive. When sober, he is fine, but he is only sober when he is working. The rest of the time, he drinks. I have tried appealing to him, but he would rather drink as though whiskey is his wife and vodka is his son. I even went to live with him for a short while, when he claimed that he had changed, but he had not. He was still the same alcoholic bastard. I made a huge mistake in attempting to contact him after years of no contact.

 

I agree with Malia. My situation was very different, my dad and I just didn't get along very well at all when I was a teenager and still lived at home. Then I moved out and he was still there no matter what. When I needed something, he was the one who jumped to help first. He drove on a pretty spooky highway at 3 AM many times for me to save me and my friends when one of our cars gave out on the side of the road. He made sure we never went hungry. He obtained the money necessary to pull a tooth I had go bad. He even convinced my grandma to pay to fix a HUGE mistake I made at 19. My dad has definitely padded the harsh slap of reality and I love him and am ever ever so grateful for it. I think it just means so much to me because I was such a horrible teenager and we had so many screaming matches and he still looks past that and loves me enough to make sure I'm taken care of, even when I should be taking care of myself. I've grown up quite a bit, though, and don't need help anymore (well, not on the scale he is able to help), but I know I can always go home. It's an awesome feeling. Losing him is now one of my biggest fears, but it's going to sooner than later become a reality I will have to face. I will just enjoy the time I have with him now rather than worry about that.

 

well, I'm not much on this subject, but i have to say something here. My dad was a fuck up. He was not a good dad but he was not a bad person. Just a careless person. He did love my mom very much but I don't think he liked being a dad or sharing my mom's attention with us kids. But I only got to know him until I was 10 years old. He died and I never got a chance to know him at all. And the saddest thing is he and my mom died together in a bad bus crash. I just wish I had a parent, good or bad. I'm all grown up but I don't really feel like an adult. It has always felt like I got stuck that day and I've been searching for guidance ever since. So I don't know the moral of this story.....maybe just be glad you have a parent and maybe try to see life through their eyes....or not. Everybody's story is different - just make the best of what you have, I suppose.

 

I appreciate ur time to write this. As I can see you did a great work for trying to find the best in him and actually find it.

but if u want to have a good relation with someone, u and the other person have to work on this.It does not depends just on you. so i guess u both were trying to fix yore relation and u make it.
My dad wont listen to me, i would never say i hate someone, becouse of one stupid misunderstand or something like that, i know hate is a strong word and i myby wont feel the same if he at least respect my mother. but he dont, he's not showing any interest in fixing our relations, but keeps searching fouls in us. i dont know how to deal with this if he dont want to.,i dont want to deal with that kind of people. so i will move on and hope he will find his luck without us..


thank

 

I had this luck in my life we were a fine family when i was a kid i guess.Now are things getting worse and worse, I'll try to take this as positive as possible. and i hope it will make me a stronger person.

 

Hate will rob you of a lot of energy that you could use in more positive things.

You can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family.

Only you can decide what you want to do with your life.

 

Maybe the distance between you will spur the desire to patch things up on both ends. You're at an age that many are at odds with their fathers, and sometimes it takes distance to make you closer, if that makes any sense. Maybe he will miss your company and realize what was taken for granted. And I don't know your situation at all, but if there is something good to be said for your dad, maybe you will find it as well.

 

Well that sucks (for most of you).
I never had any father problems or issues.