What would you do if...and is it a wise choice?

How would you handle a situation where you are single in your early to mid-twenties and the younger sibling of a friend of yours admits they've harbored a crush on you for about 5 years? You aren't blind and acknowledge they are physically attractive and might be more reasonable in temperament, intellect, in complimentary to your own personality and interests; especially compared to your last partner who turned out to be crazy unstable, making you miserable.

Do you?:

1. Gently deny them and tell them to date someone their own age?

2. Risk it and secretly carry out a covert relationship til she or he is legal? (Sex may or may not be involved)

3. Tell them no right now, but if both of you are single when she or he is legal, you'll give them a chance if they still feel the same way by that time?

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Each of these options carries its own risk and ripple effects...what would you go with?

The age gap could range from them:14-17 to you being 20-25.


Besides your view on this what do you think society expects from the elder party to react in this situation? Is society right or too uptight which restricts some potentially really stable loving couples just beyond the legal fence?

 

As long as you are both legally of age, over eighteen, then an age difference should not be a problem.

 

T

So does that mean option 3 is best to tell them you'll basically give em a rain check on their heart once you are both legal?

Cuz I wonder if that's also damaging to get a 14 or 15 year old's hopes up only to have them dashed if you find someone else during that time? The age gap may not be huge but its hypothetically 5-8 years age difference.

Getting someone fixated on you is well scary.

 

If you have to ask, your reading comprehension skills are not that great.

 

Or I am just tired.

 

too many variables. if you're 20 and they're 17, it's legal to fuck them today. if you're 25 and they're 14, they'll probably have no interest in dirty old man you by the time they're legal.

ultimately it comes down to how you actually feel about them.

 

Yeah perhaps I should narrow down the hypothetical situation.

I only included those age ranges because I wanted to keep a large scope of how old you could possibly be and what their age range could be.

Your examples are like the extreme oldest and youngest given within the definition I set.

I think I wanna hit a more of them being 15-16 and you being 20.

It's really only a 5 year age gap, which after a decade once both are grown up really isn't much. But my question was is it okay, or even fair, to both individuals to set expectations that a relationship is possible once some time has passed so both are legal?

Regardless is it better to say a flat-out no? Or give em hope if they just wait til they're older if they still indeed feel the same way once they are legal?

 

i worked with, and got close to a chic who was 17 at the time. I just couldn't do it being 24. Now she's 18, 19, and anyone my age would hop on it. Something tells me I should have stuck around..just for the booty.

 

What are the genders here? Exact ages would also be helpful.

 

This was more of a hypothetical thread topic. So there are no specific ages involved.

But koujin's RL example would totally fit for a specific example to discuss on.

 

My hypothetical question of the day: Would it be sensible for a man of a certain background to look at a girl from a totally different background in a certain way in an outdoor setting?

Seriously, what's the point in such vague hypotheticals? Clearly a 25-year-old woman with a 14-year-old boy is completely different from, say, a 20-year-old male with a 17-year-old female, for well-documented biological reasons.

 

What I would do is leave that child alone and find someone who was an adult. I have a 15 year old daughter. If some 20 something year old guy was trying to get with her I would beat some respect and common sense into him. I am also a 41 year old man living with a 28 year old woman so it is not about an age difference. It is about letting kids be kids.

 

Sibling of a friend? Too complicated.

 

Ok we're throwing out the age range gap I established at the beginning of the thread. It is to wide and vague.

And obviously for the scenario to even happen, the younger party better be mature in behavior and way of viewing life in general.

But one post from above begged the question. How does having a relationship with someone within a reasonable age gap, stop one from being a kid? I personally don't think it does as long as some guidelines and rules are laid out.

And I did offer a scenario 3 where the older party tells the younger party to wait til they're older and ask again if they still feel the same way.

 

Fuck man how fragile is this girl? Either you want to or you don't for whatever reason, choose and go with it. Her feelings can take a back seat, sounds harsh but if she is gonna get hurt by rejection then there is nothing that you can do about that. As far as making her wait goes if she chooses to fixate on you like that then it's her problem.

 

Lots and LOTS of people are in jail as a result of an initially "innocent" relationship with these kind of ages.

Any number of things can cause the most altruistic and platonic relationships to get physical, and with those ages consent is no defense.

Apart from that, the gap is just too big. Think about it in terms of percentages.....the 20 year old is 33% older than the teen. The gap won't matter so much in 10 years, but at the moment it's just too big.

*insert police loud hailer effect*

Move AWAY from the teenager, sir, move AWAY.

 

It's a hypothetical.

But advice noted if I ever find myself in that situation.

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But Ivory I would also like to add that in my recent experience I haven't met very mature 18-22 year old people either in my area.

And endnow, you brought up a good point, I shouldn't care so much about rejecting, if they're really mature they should understand the age issue problem.

 

^this

That is unless you enjoy having your salad tossed in prison.

 

Nah I can see my post was taken out of context. (provided I realized there was typo of hit rather than hint)

Here's a rephrase of the main topic I wanted to get to before everybody was focusing on the underage thing.

Do you wait for someone who is underage (late teens) who has a crush on you before you accept their offer to date them seriously? (not necessarily physical in a sexual sense at all, therefore it would be legal provided that line not be crossed)

Or do you reject them outright with no communication to them that they'll have any hope of dating you. (now or in the future)

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For the most part I'm getting that people are saying the ladder answer of just rejection outright to send a clear message is the best and safest way to go.

So I consider my question answered.