Not sure if bisexual or just frustrated.

Ok, so I'm not entirely sure if I am bisexual or just very frustrated. I am a 19 year old virgin, but not by choice. I have never had a girlfriend, but I very much want one. I am incredibly sexually frustrated, and masturbation stopped being enough years ago. I crave romance, companionship, and sex. I have been questioning my sexuality, as the closest thing to sex I've ever done, was with another guy, but I feel most attracted to girls. I can only imagine a lasting relationship with a girl, as I have only ever been 'in love' with girls. I do however crave sex with another guy. I especially fantasise in being the receptive partner in anal and oral sex. But given the choice, I'd chose a girl any day. Right now, I'm not sure if I'm a 2 on the Kinsey scale, or just so horny I'd do it with anything that moves, or doesn't move for that matter.

All this is complicated by the fact that I am a Christian, and that I have a rather conservative upbringing. I know that I will never be able to come out to my family if I am bisexual (which I suspect). My mother will take me to an exorcist. (She has done so before for other things, lol.) My grandmother and grandfather often vocalizes their disgust at gay's. (I live with my grandparents.) Half of my family shunned me at a time when I said I did not identify as Christian. (I was still very spiritual, but I was more open to different possibilities in religion. I have since come to the conclusion that I do believe in Christianity as the truth.) And my entire family will basically be disgusted at me. So, this is a part of me that they can never know. All this just adds to my confusion and frustration at how I am feeling.

I should add that I am not romantically attracted to men at all. The thought of kissing another guy on the lips turns me off. I am however sexually attracted to men. The idea of giving a guy head or being on the receiving end of anal sex arouses me greatly. Cuddling and comforting does attract me though. Really, if I think about it, the only thing that really turns me off is kissing. I will kiss a girl any day, and I think I will be more comfortable being intimate with a girl, and I can see an emotional and romantic long term relationship happening with a girl, but not a guy. The more I think about it, the more sure I become that I am bisexual. What really bothers me is how I can accept it, and whether I should act on it or not...

 

You definitely sound bicurious and I would go as far as saying you probably are bisexual. Most people are a little gay. Some can see it more than others.
As far as religion goes, don't be afraid of being ostracized. If they don't like you for who you are then they never cared in the first place.

 

I am not so much scared to be ostracised by religious people in general. I am already to a large extent. I barely ever go to church, and I find most of the churches' teachings are destructive and contrary to the word of God. Christians tend to be judgemental, while Christ is NOT judgemental. Many churches indoctrinate people to think of God as a tyrannical ruler who will banish you to hell for being born, unless you fit into a certain mould. This is contrary to the truth, in that God is Love, Light, and Kindness.

What I am scared of is how my family will react. I couldn't very much care about half of them, but I do however care how some of them react. I know that all the things that those who I do care about will do, they will do because they care for me, and they genuinely believe that being bisexual will only bring me suffering, and possibly condemn me to hell. They will try to 'save' me, but end up hurting me instead. That is why I can never come out of the closet to my family. But that is not what this is about. The point is, I still have the mental image of God as tyrant instead of God as Love. This is in part due to conditioning, as well as a lack of a father figure in my life as reference. (A bad father figure would have been worse though, so I'll count my blessings.) It also can be traced to the fact that I have never experienced romantic love in any form. (Or at least not reciprocated romantic love.)
So, I know God will never condemn me for Bisexuality, even though it technically is a 'sin.' In a broken world 'sin' is a given. Think about how many men have looked upon a beautiful women and longed for her? All those men have committed adultery. Does God condemn all those men for that? Of course not! God is Love.

 

You're fairly typical of most guys I think. I love looking at hot cut cock and balls and might even suck one if given the chance but have ZERO interest in a relationship or kissing guys.

 

Dude:

Offload this whole religion & family issue. You have one life to live. And it's yours. Be reasonable. But you do not owe it to anyone to share with them the details of your sexual exploits.

Get going, and get some. Enjoy it, and move on. No drama...

KD

 

The same thing I said about religion applies to your family.
If they don't love you afterwards, then they have no place in your life!

Bisexuality is the norm, I think. (People can deny it all they want.)

I like girls, but I don't like to be in relationships with them because they can be annoying. I'm more sexually attracted to women than men. But I can be in a relationship with a man... i.e my husband.

 

Is everyone on this site gay or what!!

 

Or what.