moving out, coming out, no longer confused

Hey all. Short story about myself, I'm 18 and had a lot of mishaps in my past involving alcohol, drugs, self mutilation, depression, and attempted suicide. i moved out of my mother's house..main reason being that i was tired of having to hide my true self and lie to her face all the time. i mean..i love my mom, but i dont want to tell her that im eating out a hot chick and making out with her hardcore in my bedroom. there were also other things i lied about.

She is weird. she thinks that you cant be bisexual. ur either straight or not. i guess she sees bisexuals in the sense of the stereotype: whores who cheat to get some from both genders, wannabe teenagers desperate for attention and sex, etc. i understand why she thought i was going through a phase..i mean i went through a lot of phases in my short lifetime that would turn this post into a novel. But with my sexuality...I knew it wasn't a phase.

I developed feelings for women in my middle school years. At the time i was Christian, and i had been taught that participating in homosexual activity is a sin: against nature, against God. it didnt help how most people said i was going through a phase, too. so i continued to be in denial, praying for my "tempation" to go away.

Later on, I was like "fuck that." No offense to Christians/Christianity, but it was a huge reason why i felt like shit about myself. not only did my family/friends have a problem with my sexual preference, but so did my God.

It got to the point where I was goin out partyin, sex, not givin a flyin fuck about what my mom or anybody else thought at 17. one night i got hella drunk and made out with 2 hot chicks, fingerin them both through their tight pants. While i was at school, i had a huge crush on this punk chick..she was so hot and i loved her personality. sometimes i would get nervous talkin to her, lol. I even had a girlfriend at one point and my mom freaked out about it cuz i had a bruise on my lip from her and i makin out. That chick had a knack for lip biting, and sometimes she would press her lips harder against mine constantly while making out..makin them feel slightly numb. in the end, that chick was an immature overemotional bitch who said that i view life as one big sex joke. she was also very distant right when we got together, id give her a hug before class and she would go on talking to her friends. the bell would ring and she wouldnt even say bye or kiss me or anything..unless i initiated it. shitty relationship, right? combined with high school bullshit, im so glad i graduated.

Anyways, moving out really gave me room to be myself. After my countless years of dabbling, I finally found a religion that is pretty set with my own personal beliefs, and it's not degrading my sexual preference, gender, or anything else. I am an eclectic Pagan, first learned/read/got interested about it in my freshman year of high school, and my mom has thrown away countless books i had on Wicca/paganism/magic that I wanted to fucking read. my boyfriend and i live together, and we are very open about sex (he gave me anal for the first time and i fuckin loved it). He knows about my sexual preference and my fetishes, as i know his. these were only a couple of things i felt relieved to experience after moving out.

Overall, this whole twisted journey of mine lead me to finally open the door and come out of my confusion. much confusion was produced at home with my mother, due to not bein accepted. i used to think there was something wrong with me for swinging both ways. as well as countless other things..im happy that my mom accepted my decision to leave, and my heart left that damn apartment door before i did. she even said she likes how im doing things on my own and im learning/taking up responsibility.

other things great about my new house: privacy (yay sexy time lol! or kickin it with my homies), all our roomates not judgin each other for bein a certain way, and an overall feeling of peace and being at home.

I am bisexual, and I am proud of the person I am.

peace