I try so hard not to hate my brother

But he makes it so difficult. He constantly tells me that I'm worthless. That no one is ever going to love me. That I'm a terrible person. That I'm boring and stupid. And I know brothers are supposed to be mean, but he makes me feel like absolute shit. I would tell him but he would just laugh at me. And I don't hate him because he keeps saying these things, I think i hate him because deep down I've always thought those things about myself and hearing someone else say them, especially my brother, just makes it ten times worse. The things he says just hurt me so much. I try so hard not to let it get to me...but he knows exactly what to say to get under my skin. I really just want to love him, and it kills me that I have to try so hard to just tolerate him.

I smacked him today because I just got so frustrated with him. i've never hit anyone in my life before. And I just couldn't take it. I'm so angry with myself. I'm never mean or hurtful to anyone and I slapped him and said a terrible thing. I'm not used to feeling this way. I can't wait for him to leave again. God, i hate myself for saying that, but i really just can't wait for him to go.

Thank you for reading this if you did. I just had to get some of this out.
Lars

 

how old are you? how old is he? where is he going?

 

you are not worthless. You may or may not be boring, lol. He is obviously twisted in his mind to torture you this way, it is emotional abuse, not all scars are visible. If you think you've always felt that way about yourself, then try to determine why. How can you fix you view of yourself? If you can't afford proffesional therapy, talk to a counselor at school, or a favorite teacher. Talk to people here. Take up a hobby. No one can dictate your worth but you.

 

It sounds like he needs to grow up.

I know what it is like to have problems with brothers. I am the middle child of 7. 3 older brothers and 1 younger. Guys can be so gross. And forget about asking them to clean up anything. Yet Dad is was always there side.

I didn't care if I had to eat cat food I moved out the day I turned 18. At least my place is clean.

 

Larsey, when people behave like this they are projecting their own feelings onto other people. Your brother probably tells you that he thinks you're worthless because HE feels worthless. He tells you that you won't amount to anything because he is terrified that HE won't amount to anything.

The classic example of this is supposedly "straight" boys who tease and bully a classmate whom they think "acts gay." They are doing this because they have "latent" (unconscious) or secret (conscious) same-sex attraction to other boys and they are scared to death that other people will find out. One reason they target another boy (who may or may not actually be a homosexual) and belittle him is TO DIVERT OTHER PEOPLE'S ATTENTION AWAY FROM THEMSELVES AND ONTO THE OTHER BOY. Another reason is that they see something in the other boy's behavior that reminds them of something they loathe or fear in their own personality, i.e. they have covert same-sex attraction, and they mock the way their target walks, or talks, or dresses, or whatever.

Bullies are always cowards at heart. That doesn't mean that they aren't dangerous, of course, but they only pick on those weaker than themselves.

Your brother puts you down because he has extremely low self-esteem, even though it may superficially appear that he thinks very highly of himself and despises you. Whom he really despises is himself.

Try this. Next time he starts giving you grief, don't get angry. Tell him, "I think your problem is that you don't feel all that great about yourself. If you were really as confident as you say, you would be trying to help those people you think are less capable than yourself. From now on, when you call me names, I am not going to talk to you for a whole day. I'm not what you say, and I won't go along with you trying to bully and abuse me any more. It's 3:00 p.m. now. I am willing to talk to you again at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow." Then go about your business and do NOT talk to him, at all, until the following day at 3:00 p.m. Don't ask him to pass the salt, don't ask him anything. If he interferes with you in any way, leave the area and deny him your presence. If you are still living at home with your parents, go tell them what he is doing, so they can support you.

This is called "sending someone to Coventry" and it works pretty well. If your parents will not support you, go to a school counselor, the school nurse, a favorite teacher, a religious leader or anybody you can think of who will support and protect you. Your brother is ill. He's not doing well. He needs help. HEALTHY, NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT ABUSE AND BULLY OTHER PEOPLE.

 

+rep......Nice Post...



Cheers Glen.

 

Glen-- It's a cliche', but I've always loved that song, "Waltzing Matilda." Matilda being slang for a tramp's bindle (bedroll.) That song is about being on the road, tramping about, and I've done a bit of that myself.

 

Siblings I know how you feel...