Wanting some feedback about a bad experience.

I've taken acid, or a synthetic very similar 5 times. (Im not overly sure on every person i've obtained it from.) But, my last experience was the strongest and it reached a very scary and spiritual point at the peak. I'm left these strange emotions and thoughts in the back of my head, and I think about it everyday, it's been over a month since the experience.


I took 6 hits of liquid, and 2 blotters. No spacing between doses. In the next 30 mins I was feeling very strange and was starting to get visual disruptions and cascading patterns. All the other times it took me a good hour or so to start tripping, so I knew this experinece would be different.

The first few hours were amazing, I'd never had such great beautiful visuals before, no waking hallucinations , only strong distortions of color and contrast with insane geometric overlays and amazing tracers.

Then suddenly everything changed, the Dead tracks my buddy and I were listening to were no longer stiring my emotions and feelings. My ego shattered, i felt myself trying to hold onto who I was and what reality was. There was nothing I could do, my mind began to become stuck in multiple terrifying circular thoughts and delusions.

At this point I could write a 1000 page book about the feelings I experienced from this point, every human emotion possible amplified , love, hate, pain, ecstasy, fear, desire, dying, everything. Soon all that was in front of me was resonating energy, and I felt like I was resonating with it, and I soon realized this giant ball of energy was the world.

Then I was back, and my mind is in total chaos, and this didn't take long to switch to very negative thoughts. The next 6 hours, my mind was just looping around very dark and scary thoughts, i couldnt even enjoy any of the visuals because it just made everything more ominous. About having to die to stop tripping, that i was being unraveled sowly and was stuck in some crazed state. That i figured out how humans thoughts worked and I could never go back to being a normal person. That taking lsd the the start of life. That everyone was just a meat robot that wasnt real. That if I didnt totally reverse all my steps every single movement of that night to a certain point my chance at true happiness would be lost and I would be stuck as a meat robot too. All kinds of shit, it was endless and scary.

I managed to finally call my dad, and begged him to talk about normal things and just help me back to reality and explained I took alot of LSD. This helped after an hour or so I started to be able to have a some what grasp of reality.

I think about some of the things I felt and thought of regurally, it's really changed me as a person, idk if its good or bad yet, but i do have some negative thoughts and fears hanging around.. Sometimes when my anxiety gets bad they come back and feel more real. I'm kinda scared to trip on anything after this because I feel like it would trigger some negative connotations and make my trip bad immediately.

 

The mind is a funny thing...

's all I got mang.

 

Sometimes you feel you've reached the answer to life. Nothing's stopping you from asking it, but there's a problem answering. Realize this was an experience of yourself, all that went wrong was your reaction, and that reaction multiplied into the resonating energy you felt.
Let the spirit be guided, good or bad, it's your choice.

Relax while you're back together, nothing will harm you. Never face the fear, simply let it be

 

Make it good, you must have learnt something useful during that experience.. no deep revelations?

I mean.. this for example:

That shit's psychedelic gold.. a one on one with the blissful infinite, even if it didn't seem so blissful at the time. I'd love to experience something like that..


Anyway, don't hesitate to grab life by the balls and make it your own.. that's the exquisite beauty of it all - shouldn't wait for something else to decide whether it was good or bad.

The more you kinda dwindle, the more you question yourself, the more you start to think you're going nuts, the more you believe it. Don't get caught in the whirlpool.. It's easy to get sucked in, and after something like that you'll be a shit load more sane than the majority of the sleeping beauties that roam the planet.


Judging by your signature, you probably know all this shit anyway - so don't worry dude..

 

It's common to want to dig deep into our faults, and see if we can be brutally honest and dig ourselves a better hole, but this thought strategy rarely makes things better and is rooted in negative thoughts & self-hurt. Most of the mind and the ego is.. We just end up digging ourselves deeper into that shit.

Every mind, at least un-checked, does this, and it's important to not take it personal or believe you are more miserable or depressed or trouble-prone than the next person. Just beause I'm on LSD, I also don't give such thoughts much worth either.

I personally don't believe my ego is 'virtuous' or is the best person to leave my happiness in charge of. My ego sucks sometimes.

Accept but don't feed, tolerate but don't be engrossed by your insecurities. There are better lessons to learn than beating yourself up.

 

Take heed of this ^^^ :2thumbsup:

 

There are a bunch lessons,deeper understandings, and realizations. But, it was harder to accept them and appreciate it, with how negative i felt.

It's true, I feel like this was the trip I always wanted and I blew it somehow and I was handed to much and couldn't handle it or something.

Thanks for the input, it helps to have some feedback, I haven't been able to tell anyone about the experience except one friend. No one else would even begin to understand.

The more I think about it, I think I had just as positive feelings as the negative, but it just seems way easier to remember the scarier stuff.

 

yeah, it's sometimes easier to remember the bad parts of a trip. and it might stick with you for awhile, but it doesn't necessarily mean it has to repeat itself. even though it's been over a month, you may still not be done learning things from that night. maybe by the time you trip again you will be a changed man, and not as vulnerable to a similar experience.
sorry that it happened

 

Its quite clear to me that The Dead tracks you were listening to were the source of the negative feelings. Choose some better music when you're on a heavy psychedelic trip.

 

I'm going to agree that it was a part of a handful of things that lead to negative feelings.

I don't have much experience with thier music, it was my buddies choice. Early on in the trip, we both got really really scared, and then happy as fuck, then really scared, then we both looked at each other and at the same time we both said, the "music! It's bringing us together!" It was like we were sharing thoughts and emotions, and the music was responsible, this intrigued us greatly as you may have guessed.

Next time i'll be more cautious, music that can move you so easlily tripping is some scary stuff! Is thier music meant todo that? It almost has to be, which is pretty amazing I must say.

You're absolutely right!. Over this past week, I've spent more time thinking about my experience, and I feel really good about it! There was so much to take away from the experience I think i was just overwhelmed! I feel much happier in life, I feel a new found love for... everything . its like i've started to finally accept this crazy trip we call life.

I actually found myself wanting a new experience this week. But, i'm not going to abuse to gods, i'm going to give it more time, after all, im still processing this last one!

 

When you find a place that is frightening, just know that it exists, but also know you can choose to leave it to enjoy the world of everyday things, because that's where we belong. I don't think anyone would like to be stuck in the void. Breakfast, friends, laughter.

I had a vaguely negative psychedelic experience that was obviously caused by a terribly negative setting. The feelings persisted long after the trip, and it took me a while to realize that all I had to do was to step out of that place. Dwelling on it does nothing for you. If you ever feel frightening things coming up again, just ride them out, you'll be fine.