A Different Kind of Closet: Coming Out as Pagan or Wiccanfrom http://www.newwitch.com/archives/02fall/read/comingout.html One of the most daunting personal issues facing modern Pagans is whether or not to "come out of the broom closet" - that is to say, whether or not to let people know that you are Pagan. There are many factors to consider in this decision - the nature of your family, friends and co-workers; whether or not your community is Pagan-friendly; and your own level of comfort. If you feel at all frightened, endangered, or "not right," then my advice is to stay in the closet. However, there are factors that make this more complex than a simple "in or out" decision. Here are a few simple signposts for along the way. #1: Have your life "together" before you come out as a Pagan. It's difficult enough to respond to the bombardment of questions you are likely to receive upon revealing yourself as a Witch or Pagan. If, in addition, you are constantly in debt, have trouble keeping a job, or your life is simply out of control, you should consider working out your personal problems before going public. It is easy for people to blame any problems you may (or may not!) have on the "evils" of Paganism. That's an additional headache you do not need. So, harsh as it sounds, get your life together before proclaiming your witch-hood. Doing so will help protect the image of Pagans in general and will help you in allying any fears that may surface from your announcement. #2: Sometimes, the closet might be your best choice. One prime example is if you are involved in any sort of legal battle, especially involving custody of a minor child. During my legal career, I worked at a firm that represented a Wiccan mother in a custody case. Even though she was a good parent, her ex-husband sought to discredit her by portraying her as a danger to the children based on her religion. These arguments can be very convincing to the uninformed judge, particularly in less liberal communities. Fortunately, the attorney handling this case sought my help and I was able to help strengthen his client's case. Being an open Pagan at work is another case when discretion may be the better part of valor. Even if your friends and family are aware of your beliefs, you may find it is best to keep them to yourself in the workplace. Consider whether or not your co-workers are ready to know this much about you! (It's really none of their business.) As long as you do your job to the best of your ability, are competent, and do not goof off, there is no reason for anyone to complain about your religion except for their own prejudices. The tolerance factor of the community in which you live is another important factor. If you reside in an area with a well-known Klu Klux Klan chapter, slapping a "My Other Car is a Broom" bumper sticker on your car might not be the most intelligent move. You are begging for trouble - consider if you really want it. #3: Be honest in love. Regardless of whether you are closeted in your community, workspace, or family, there is one instance in which you should always make your beliefs known: when you are engaged in a serious relationship. I have known people to go as far as marriage without disclosing their religion to their beloved or, even worse, to allow their loved one to believe they have "changed their ways" at his/her request. One piece of advice here: don't do it! If you cannot be honest with your mate, you will regret it later. There's no need to panic: dating outside of the Pagan community does not necessarily mean your relationship will fail. Being honest from the start protects you from greater heartache later. The worst case scenerio is for you to never say a thing, and then have your mate find "evidence" of the occult in your home - books, ritual tools, etc. Such a path will lead to distrust and suspicion - the last thing you need. As you think about telling your girlfriend/boyfriend about your religion, consider what attracted you to each other in the first place. Your love is probably not going to condemn you, but you may be challenged to explain your beliefs. Who knows, s/he may even be interested in joining your path as well. #4: There's safety in numbers. You can be an advocate for Pagan rights even if you are still closeted yourself. If you are new to an area, anonymous internet contact is a great way to get in touch with local Pagans and get an idea of the number in your area, their overall attitude and what they think about the Pagan-friendliness factor. Another way to help is to support businesses, services and groups that fight for Pagan rights or give Pagans safe places to gather. If a petition is being circulated, sign it. If you need to, use your magickal name to protect your identity; if you are an "out" Pagan, proudly sign your legal name! Contribute to organizations that works on behalf of Pagans and shop in local Pagan-owned businesses. Put your talents to use by selling your work in Pagan shops. While the proprietors will need your name, address, and telephone number, you can, if you prefer, market your work under your magickal name. The same goes for writing for magazines, newsletters, or letters to the editor. Write to Congress and ask your Representative and/or Senators to support freedom of religion. (You need not specify your personal beliefs.) Write letters of protest when Pagans are denied their rights. Subscribe to Pagan publications, especially local ones. Many offer the option of receiving their magazine in an envelope to protect your privacy. (Editor's note: this magazine and all those we publish are mailed in sealed envelopes at no additional charge.) If a Pagan-related story is run in your local media, respond to it. Remember to praise factual and/or supportive stories, and protest inaccurate or derogatory ones. Many newspapers offer an anonymous forum for readers to call and voice their opinions. When it comes to being "in" or "out," consider your choices carefully. Analyze all the factors that might be affected by your coming-out. If it feels right - go for it! Coming out of the closet can be a life-altering decision. Be certain you and the people around you are ready for it!
Queer Magic: Coming Out as Initiation a Coming out of the closet was the most intense initiation I've ever experienced. I've undergone a variety of initiations ranging from traditional witchcraft rituals to initiations into covens to Reiki attunement and shamanic journeys. But coming out as gay was the most magical because it wasn't planned or prepared for. I didn't get a chance to agree to it in advance but simply had to deal with this frightening and exciting time as it came. What is initiation? Many people use the word, but its meaning isn't always clear. Initiation rituals usually denote an experience that sets one apart from others, or an experience that brings one into a larger group. Some examples include initiations into magical traditions, or into fraternities, sororities, or other social groups. They can be the rites of passage, such as the Catholic sacraments of First Communion or Confirmation. Sometimes an initiation it is a test to pass before entering a new rank, such as the test for attaining a new "belt" in the martial arts. It is meant to be an outer manifestation of an inner process, rather than simply an act or experience that is transformative in and of itself. Traditional Wiccan initiations have an air of mystery and even fear that put off many modern eclectic practitioners. Rituals of being bound, blindfolded, lightly whipped, surprised by loud bells or challenged with a sword have specific purposes common to most initiatory processes, although the specific manifestations differ. The fear and sense of the unknown created by these actions are intended to separate the initiate from their old life, old self image and bring them into a new sense of reality and identity. There are many ways to create this sense of division, but without it, there is not the same sense of transformation. So what does this have to do with being queer and coming out of the closet? Everything. Coming out of the closet is a chance for both personal and magical transformation of the most significant kind, though few understand and take full advantage of this opportunity. Coming out marks an entry into a new level of sexual awareness, maturity and responsibility. It is a coming of age ritual for gay people, regardless of their chronological age. More importantly, coming out can also echo the shaman's magical initiation, coming into magical power. On the shaman's path, power and awareness comes in two ways. The first is training with a shaman, learning the arts of healing, ritual and magick, and reaching a point of "graduation" to a competent level. The second, which sometimes runs concurrently with the first, is a personal initiation, called by the spirits. In such initiations, the would-be shaman has some type of dramatic experience that marks him or her as radically different from most others. Most common is an experience of extended sickness, often including a fever or coma, that sends the soul out into the unseen realms. There the spirits of ancestors, animals, plants and gods teach the new shaman the secrets of healing and magick. In many of these initiations, the shaman undergoes a trial by fire, meeting the gods of the underworld. In this test, the would-be shaman must experience the darkness of life through his or her greatest fears, the shadow self or a death and resurrection. The point of such trials is to identify with the soul, with the energy of self, rather than the package and the labels and names the tribe gives. Identity goes beyond good and evil, male and female, alive and dead. When the new student identifies with the infinite, there is success. If the initiate survives the experience physically and spiritually, he or she returns as a shaman. Often another older and experienced shaman is called to help the one in sickness, and will train the new shaman more upon returning from the spirit journey. In essence, the new shaman is having what we call today an NDE, or Near Death Experience. Modern people often claim to enter a tunnel of light after an incident of trauma, illness, accident or surgery. There they visit with relatives who have died, and are told to return to the world. Such people frequently return with a sense of self, renewed spirituality and lack a fear of death. They share their story with friends and family, spreading their sense of assurance and spiritual tranquility. It seems to me that the tribal shamans have a very similar experience: but they stay longer in the "other" world, and learn more while they are there. In both cases, the person involved experiences a strong sense of division, from the old life, old identity, and old fears. He or she comes back changed, very different from his or her past self. Most would agree the changes are for the better, empowering the individual in new ways, enabling him or her to reach beyond the mundane and limited, drawing from the spiritual world and bringing it into day to day life. This division, and hopefully the subsequent empowerment, is exactly what happens when you come out of the closet. The first step in the process is coming out to yourself. Many queer people don't consciously acknowledge the fact they are gay. Either they don't understand the concept, or simply repress it because they feel that the conscious knowledge of their identity would be too much to bear. Some queer people know of their "difference" from a very young age, while others experience a much slower realization. The coming out process is different with everyone, but the first step is internal. This self-knowledge of oneself as gay leads to the realization that one is different from others; even if one remains closeted and tries to conceal the fact or ignore/downplay the differences, they are still there. The second stage is public: the process of sharing your new identity with others. This is an opportunity to move more honestly and freely in the world, share more of yourself with others and redefine your identity, freeing you from past assumptions and misconceptions. For some, this public process is dramatic and traumatic. Others feel that it is "no big deal" and are very quiet about it. Once again, this process echoes that of a shamanic or magical initiation. No one knows what new knowledge the shaman has returned with, and the shaman must explain the changes that she or he has undergone and then goes about the process of transforming identity and relationships within the tribe based on her/his special knowledge. Shamans often have a place of honor in society, but live separately from the rest of the tribe. Their greater awareness of themselves and the world sometimes leads to depression or mood swings. The shaman has confronted fears, claimed power and received a new identity, but must still integrate this knowledge in a way that is useful not only to self, but to society. Only then is the initiation truly complete. Gay people go through the same integration process. The major difference is that in tribal societies, the role of the shaman is accepted, while understanding and acceptance of gay people is, to a greater or lesser extent, lacking in the modern world. Evidence exists that ancient cultures honored queer people, gays, lesbians and transgendered folk as sacred, believing that they embodied a balance of male and female energies. This blend of energy gave (and still gives) them a unique role, ripe with opportunity to view the world through magical eyes, and gay people were often honored as potential healers and wisdom keepers. But our modern stories usually lack such a positive spiritual framework. My personal experience is no exception to this rule. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, and attended Catholic school for thirteen years. Although I was aware from a young age that I wasn't like other boys, it was in only when I reached high school that I really came to the conscious thought "I am gay." Being gay was not accepted by my school, church, family and by extension, my God. I believed that being gay was tantamount to being evil. Over those difficult years of discovery, I struggled with my Shadow Self: all the things I didn't like about myself and wanted to repress. I learned painfully to differentiate my own feelings from what society projected on me. Becoming a Witch helped a great deal in this process. My study of the Craft gave me a sense of self-confidence and self-love that I needed for the process of becoming known publicly as a queer person. (In fact, I came out of the broom closet as a Witch before I came out publicly as a gay man.) I was blessed with teachers that knew the history of sacred queer people in the ancient world. In Witchcraft, I learned all magick is a choice. I could choose to create a life out of misery, pity and anger, or I could choose to create a life out of love, happiness and self-esteem. In all these struggles I experienced an initiation, through which I claimed personal power and identity, shedding my fears, doubts and shame. Through my study of the Craft, a tradition that honors the unique blend of energy of my people, I learned spiritual and magical power to transform my life. Coming out is powerful because there is little or no training for it. There are no classes, few books and often, no one to talk to. Like a lone shaman experiencing his first transformative illness, I found myself in my own version of the Underworld. I didn't agree to it, choose it, or seek for it. I was simply called, like shamans called by the spirits. I could have chosen to ignore that call or to embrace it. I chose to embrace it and can't imagine my life in any other way. from http://www.newwitch.com/archives/02fall/read/penczak.html
thank you very much for posting this . . i am in an interesting process of coming out of the broom closet to my father who is very scared of the words wiccan and pagan, but is fascinated by the druids . . i've been talking with him about reclaiming the pre-Christian traditions of our ancestors, something he is beginning to be open to understanding . . .
I'd like to tell my family I am pagan but really they would flip out! They are all catholics. Though my boyfriend knows and all my friends know (my sister and some cousins) but not parents or grandparents. Man my grandma would have a heart attack! But thanks for posting this, I enjoyed reading it!
*tugs at broom closet doorknob, bangs on broom closet door. resentfully glares at big, burly broom closet bouncer pointing to sign reading, "sorry, no re-entry."* unfortunately, once you're out, you're out. so please think long and hard about this decision, and have studied & practiced longer than a few months before busting out, wand drawn & candles blazing! *sighs, gazes wistfully at broom closet door again* maybe if i faked my ID...
