I have a new roommate. We're really compatible and stuff, but he's a little too open for me about stuff like sex. Here's an example. We live in a one bedroom place, but the kitchen and "living room" are separated by a door from the bed room. He and his girlfriend went into the bed room and had sex last night while I was watching TV. Didn't bother me, they came back out and we hung out and watched TV together. She left and we went to bed and the first thing I see is a box of condoms and lube out on the dresser he uses as a bedside table AND a used on sitting in the trash. He just doesn't seem to get it that I don't wanna see and honestly, I don't think he'd even think twice if I had condoms laying out etc. He'll also tell me stuff I don't need to know, example, "Hey, shut the door I'm going to fap." after I got up a few days ago. Any suggestions. . . It's just awkward.
so...you share the bedroom?...it seems to me that you are paying the price of living in close quarters... buy a trash can that the lid opens with a pedal...that way you wont see his goo on the trash
Just tell him! Do you think he might turn out to be a jerk who'll just think he can do w/e he want's until you kick his head in?
Yeah, I understand that it's the price for sharing a bedroom, but that's what we can afford (high rental prices). He's a friend, so it's not as awkward as it could be, but it still is pretty weird. The challenging thing is that he doesn't seem to "get it." Privacy for sex, to him, means I don't see them actually having sex. I brought this up once before right when we started living together and he turned it on me hinting that he was normal and I was the one with the problem. I'm sexually active also and the most I let him know is when I need him to stay out of our bedroom. Then I toss the used condom and wrapper in the trash obscured by other garbage so it's not just laying there. Am I just a prude?
Well look on the brightside....at least that condom was in the trash. While your situation isn't great, it isn't the worst. At least your roommate's not a thief or someone that's tapping a knife in his knee while you're trying to go to sleep because you have a test in the morning. EDIT: 3rd paragraph and point was retracted and amended by poster.
You aren't a prude. But, part of you respecting his openness and him respecting your privacy is that you clean up after yourselves. (I'm putting this in the plural so that when you tell him "we need to clean up after ourselves" he won't get as defensive as he would if it was "you need to ...") Do you have a habit that annoys him? Don't use it as a weapon, use that habit on yourself to help see that "normal" and "common decency" are not absolutes. The two of you need to decide if the two of you will make a special effort to be understanding about each other's quirks or whether the two of you will make a special effort to not exhibit those quirks.
awkward!!!! and gross. I guess all you can do is tell him nicely and hope he responds well. Or ....move out. ._.
So, we talked about it today. He had a really interesting thought about the who thing. He said that he felt that being really transparent about the whole thing just made it easier for it never to be awkward. I hadn't thought about it that way. He used the example of the masturbation in the morning as an example. He said it's a little awkward for him to announce that he's going to fap, but far BETTER than I walk in on him doing it. Plus, that was he doesn't have to be worried about it happening and I don't need to ever wonder if he's needing privacy (since I know when he does it). I guess I sorta get it. But I asked him if he'd please stuff the condom back into the wrapper so I at least don't have to look at his goo. He's agreed, so I think we're good.
No, you know what I think.... I think it is still him imposing on you and making things awkward. Think of it this way, if you lived in a house with a large family, you wouldn't go up to your brother and say "I'm going to fap." --- you would maybe wait till no one is home or do it in some discreet manner. The whole thing is just odd and if you don't feel right about, don't let him impose that on you!!! I think he should take his girlfriend somewhere private AND if he wants to masturbate, he should do it in some very discreet manner ...maybe the shower or in the bathroom with the door locked -- or when you aren't there -- but never telling you about it. Go with your gut feeling, if it feels strange, it is. I think you should speak up ....more and not let him do this to you.
Perhaps instead of him telling you bluntly that he's going to fap, perhaps some kind of code phrase and signal can be used instead of the blunt statement of him telling you what he's doing? That way he can clearly communicate he wants private time with himself or with his significant other, without being so graphic. That and he should be sanitary about where he leaves his condoms and sex related objects so it's not just laying around. I amend my earlier statement to this one.
I feel your pain, I just moved out of a flat where my flatmate would scream the house down everytime she had sex...
Why did he have lube.. was it because he was fucking her in the bum!! Did they shower after they had sex
