Girlfriend wants a threesome. Need advice

Hello everyone,

I'm very new to this forum. I usually ask advice of friends and family but in this case I am a bit sensative about it.

So here is my plight. My girlfriend is identified as queer. I am her first, serious male partner and we have been together for just about two years. I knew she was queer getting into this relationship but before I thought of queer for being another word for bisexual. Anyways I'm digressing. We have talked about it and she says that it's not that she feels she needs more but she has those desires still, for women. Before I go shy further, in my last relationship my ex and I were in a threesome. A MFM threesome and it was the main contributor to us parting ways.

So, you can see my concern here. I guess what I'm really trying to do here is see if anyone is in the sand position or has had the same or similar experiences.

We are very much in love and I feel we could get through just about anything together. I have a real fear of these three things and they are the three main things giving me pause to this situation. First, she realizes that she in fact prefers women over men, or myself in particular. Second, I canot handle the experience sexually. Maybe that's just an insecurity. And, third my girlfriend and the other girl gain feelings for one another and I'm left in the dust.

Can anyone offer up any advice to help me?

 

You should be openmind - if you reallt love her do it.

Anyhow if she really wants threesome she will do it with other people

so go for it

 

I have never experienced anything like that, however, I personally would read it as a red flag, and my concerns would be exactly the same as yours. Two years is not very far into a relationship, and so what's happening at this point are parameters are being laid out. Do you want threesomes to become a regular part of your relationship, or to occur more than once?

I have a friend from high school. She was married, hetero relationship, right out of high school. Apparently, though, she had feelings for women and about 10 years into the marriage her husband came home to find her in bed with another woman. He thought, "Wow! My lucky day!" and asked to join them. They firmly refused, told him to leave and when they'd finished she asked him for a divorce. It is my opinion that it's better that everyone get their own sexuality sorted out before they start involving others emotionally.

You're in a tough situation, and my perspective is that this can indeed cause problems in the relationship, perhaps even lead to the end of it.

In order for this sort of thing to work (threesomes, swinging, fetishes, etc) EVERYONE needs to be into it AND on the same page. You're not, end of story.

 

theres no way to know.

just life. could be an enchanting ride or could split you up. have you told her about your fears and has she thought about them?

even if she says she 'needs' this and won't abandon you, you can't predict people and they can't predict themselves. on the flipside, someone who says they'll leave you if you don't do it and who even cheats on you with other women (and even men) may in the end always stay by your side. life is scary that way. no guarantees.