I'm Afraid My Dad Is Going To Out Himself

My bisexual dad goes to gay bars a lot and is being himself. He is no longer wearing a mask so to speak and he doesn't act as straight as he thinks he does. His voice and mannerisms have become "more gay" lately. I don't have a problem at all with this since I'm bi myself and it makes him happy. But I'm terrified that he is going to out himself to my grandparents by accident or someone we know. This is NOT an OPTION. My grandparents are hateful homophobic bigots and they would never forgive him or me if they knew we liked men as well as women. They would make our lives a living hell. We live in the Buckle of the Bible Belt and are surrounded by homophobic acquaintances and old contacts that we cannot break. No one my age cares that I'm bi. But my dad and his generation are a whole different story. He isn't being careful enough. I just saw where he "liked" a gay band on facebook and then went to sleep. He doesn't fully understand facebook or that every childhood friend and family member might have seen "queer folk band" under his likes as it popped up in the feed! I had to log into his account really quick and delete it before anyone saw it. I'm terrified everytime he talks to my grandparents or we are with them that they will notice and connect the dots...I'm terrified that they will find out about me too someday. I actually caught myself wishing they would die soon so they would never find out and could die in peace and we could get on with our lives...If ANYONE finds out about him word will get to my grandparents...we live in a very small town.

What should I do?

 

Sounds like you guys should move...

That sounds like a terrible place to live.

 

you can't control everything in life. one of the things in life which you can least control is other people's behavior, your father's or the people surrounding you.

i don't live in the bible belt, and i hear a lot how people there are extremely conservative, but i think you might also magnify the perceived danger a little. it's easy to over estimate the danger of the unknown, but usually things won't be as bad as imagined. if and when the worst does come to be, you will just have to do everything to ensure your own and your father's safety.

on another note, your father sounds symptomatic of self-destructive behavior a little. either he's had it with the prevailing attitudes in his area and really doesn't care and is expressing who he really is, or he's self-destructive as a result of some trauma (like your mother's death) and is acting like this wishing other people would find out about him. in the latter case, the only way to level him out is to address the real issues behind it, not his actual behavior per se.