Hi, I'm new on the forum and only recently (4years ago) admitted to the world I'm a lesbian (now 34!) I'm with a lovely lady and we have a good time together, everything is tickety boo in the bedroom (well not always just in the bedroom) but there is one thing that plays on my mind. Being relatively new to all this and rather naive about stuff I'm a bit at sea. My partner's previous relationship was abusive which has left mental scars. Since we've been together we've never gone to bed/had sex with both of us naked. She wears knickers at night, and I wouldn't dream of trying to touch her between her legs because the knickers kinda indicate a barrier that shouldn't be crossed. Invariably I bring this subject up when I'm drunk (usually once a year) and she says she knows and that she knew the questions would come and that she wants to be naked with me etc but then that's it and nothing comes of it. Is this because I don't properly bring the subject up or should I just leave well alone. I would love to be able to touch her and kiss her down there but at the same time I don't want her to think this is a huge issue for me. I really don't know what to do. I feel something is missing because of this and I feel sex is onesided as in I'm always take take take, I get the orgasm I get the penetration I get everything. And when I feel like sex I feel it's me requesting sex cos I can't offer her anything. She says I'm backward in coming forward with regards to having sex but I think part of the trouble is I feel guilty wanting sex when I'm basically saying to her "fuck me". I see no way of seducing her cos I can't really touch her like she touches me when she's in the mood. Then when she asks why I never initiate sex I'm reluctant to say because it's all mixed up with all of this and I'm scared of asking the question. I fear she'll want to run away (thats her default setting when things get funky) if I mention this and tell me to find another girl who can give me what I want. But I want her, and I love her. I just wish I could touch her... ANyone had the same experience? What do I do? Do I leave well alone? Do I bring the subject up sober? Do I forget about it? Help.
I would try talking to her while sober, or perhaps writing a letter? Sometimes its easier to "talk" about things like this through a letter instead of face to face to start.
ok I wasn't going to say this but I think it can help you. I'm a rape survivor and for a while I had trouble letting my partner touch me sexually, this was before we were married. I love her so much but back then I would freak out and flashback to my assault when we started getting intimate. We went to some informal counseling sessions and it helped a lot. Also we talked to each other completely sober. This is something important you need to work out before it ruins the relationship. I highly recommending going to a couples councilor like we did. Specifically one who doesn't care if your same sex or not (that can be hard to find sometimes) and also discuss it with her. This is something you need to work out together and it might take sometime to do, but the rewards are worth the effort. Also by going through this struggle together it will make your bond that much stronger. I wish you the best of luck with this
Totally agree with AliciaWilliams. Put it this way, She has an issue that you both want fixed so ignoring it is out of the question. Its interfering in your relationship and that's not something you can ignore either. The best option you both have is to get some help as she cant deal with the problem herself, I would suggest bringing this up with her sober. Or even just bringing the subject up with her when your sober so she doesn't run. I had a gorgeous girl in my life who ran everytime things got funky too and even though I loved her to pieces I had to break it off because she kept hurting me by running so I really hope you can bring it up with her and that she can handle it. Also while I was reading it I was also thinking, "she's been raped..."
Are you sure that's what they indicate? A girl can have a LOT of fun with her knickers on ... and if you cuddle and caress her, taking your time, you might find that actually the knickers are an invitation to explore any part of her body ... but softly and gently. I love it when my partner comes to bed in her knickers, and lets em explore her body and "play". She loves it, too. I keep my hands outside her knickers, though, until she ASKS me inside ... which doesn't always happen, but it does often enough :mickey:
Agree as well. I think it needs a frank - but non-confrontational - discussion. You need to tell her what you would like to get from the relationship both emotionally and sexually and how it's not happening for you. I also agree, probably some for of counselling is probably required - but tread delicately. Good luck.
