So, hi, my name is Melissa. I am going to be 27 on monday. i just need to . . . vent I guess. I was in an 8 year relationship up until a little over a year ago. We were married and everything, loved each other, but it just didn't work. Anyway, I haven't had or wanted a relationship over the past year and few months, I've gone out with people on a few dates, slept with plenty of girls I generally have a 3 date rule, I'll go out on 3 dates and thats it. Well in March I was at a bar getting a drink after a day in the ER (turns out I have tendonitis in my shoulder) and a girl comes up to me. We hang out at the bar and then again a few more times, and then we start dating. I broke my 3 date rule for her (cause she is awesome), we decided to be girlfriends, but she ended that after a few weeks. We decided to be friends, because well we get along really well, have a lot of the same interests and just like to hang out. So . . . now she is my roommate. We both lost our jobs around the same time and financially this was just a helpful choice for both of us. She has been living here for 2 months just about. She is confusing the hell out of me. She sleeps in my bed cuddled up with me most nights, sometimes we have sex, sometimes she kisses me and holds my hand. Other times she acts like we are nothing more than close friends. I told her not long ago that this was confusing for me and it needed to stop because I knew I would get hurt. So it did stop for awhile, but well, we both had some bad stuff happen in our lives (my uncle died) and then it was pride weekend and we both just wanted comfort. So, it started up again. The other night we went out for drinks and she was asking me all these questions about what I think about certain things with relationships and then when we walked home she held my hand. Then it was back to how she usually is, which is acting like we are just friends (except at bed time). I'm so confused. I know she is sleeping with other people too, and has an okcupid profile. But why does she keep doing this? I am find with just having sex with friends, thats not a big deal, its all the cuddling and stuff she does . . . sometimes when she thinks I'm asleep she kisses the back of my neck. If we go out together and someone else hits on me she gets jealous. There has been 2 times when she said she wanted to go to another bar so i said ok and asked her once we left why, she said it was because all the girls in the bar were staring at me. I guess I know I need to tell her again this needs to stop, but its so hard, I am into her a lot and its so nice to have someone to cuddle with, but I'm pretty sure I am going to get hurt. It was so hard to do it once, I don't know if I can turn her away again. I'm just frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks, yeah I kinda figured that. I just wish she would back off if she isn't sure this is what she wants. I guess I need to tell her again ::sigh:: Its hard to say no to something you want Its especially hard to do it a second time.
So we are not sleeping in the same bed anymore, stopped all that stuff. I know it would just make things harder for me, and hurt me more. So now . . . I need tips on how to get over it, how to handle her going on dates and stuff, I'm not really a jealous person at all, but its still hard for me when she tells me she is going on a date or is going go sleep with someone. She still gets very flirty and stuff if she has been drinking. We were talking about weddings and stuff the other day (we both ended long term relationships around the same time) and about how our next weddings would be etc. Not talking about us at all, just chatting (she makes/sells things for weddings so I think thats how we got on the conversation, started talking about that). She made some comment that her brother and my sister would be the only witnesses (we both have very, very similar tastes and were both saying how we would want small ceremonies/very few guests). She didn't really say it on purpose. Its just hard when she says shit like that. We are close friends, I don't want to, and can't lose that, but how do I let go of the other feelings? Argh.
wow that's hard. Maybe the only way to get over it is to not be roommates. which is drastic i know. It's kinda like you're picking at a wound. I know cause this has happened to me and the only thing that is helping is complete and total distance. which sucks..but i guess its helping
