No Joke, Pills Dumbed Me Down

I notice the difference is profound between being on anti-psychotics and not. I can adapt to both, but I am starting to feel almost like it's splitting me apart into two distinct types of people. The passive writer or the rebellious seeker. I imagine over time the split will become more intense as I block off those aspects of my nature. either I'm on too much or have been on it for too long, it's making me feel loopy sometimes and on one hand, I have no self control on the other I am constantly trying to control myself. It really doesn't help in such a profound way that everyone seems to think that it does.

I haven't taken the Abilify in maybe a week, I've lost track, but I have had better sex and more fun. Plus, I feel sooo much more relaxed. Like I can just sit still, laugh and feel the actual laughter or pleasure. Joy. I can cry. I have a slight appetite again, no longer completely vacant of all but superficial stuff created to fill the gaps that this void has caused. psychiatry has confused me on just about everything about who I was. Although, I had premonitions of this all happening way before it happened. I knew they were after me.

Does anyone believe in destiny? I think I chose a very confusing one.