Social excuses

It all started when I was invited to the second wedding in a row within the span of as many months. I went to neither, I replied to neither invitation. I just ignored them, not without first consulting my parents whether I`d be disowned. But, even that would not have made me go.

The second time around, I had a conversation with my father that sort of hit me. I was explaining my motives for not attending my cousin`s wedding, and he said, "Don`t go if you don`t want to. Just come up with some excuse, you don`t have to tell them why." It made me wonder whether I`m too hung up on honesty all the time.

Part of the reason I don`t respond to invitations is because I have to explain myself and feelings about which I feel very private over and over again. Often times, to people I do not trust to be sensitive to them. It`s exhausting having to do that every other week, when I`m invited to restaurants, and parties, and weddings, bars, and family birthdays, etc.

So, recently, I`ve been entertaining using social excuses to get off the hook. It`s not like I get a lot of invitations, or anything. I do not want to cause the wrong impression. Typically my phone doesn`t ring; and when it does, people don`t protest much if I don`t pick it up.

But, now that I`m giving myself permission to white lie, it sort of makes me less fearful of invitations. The only fear I have is that my solitude is going to be stewed to such perfection, that I`ll never get out of it.

Do you make social excuses?

 

Unless you enjoy socializing for the sake of mingling or you have an agenda (like running for public office) we all have our excuses for not socializing. If a friend has an extra ticket for the new england patriots game I’ll go, hell I’ll even offer to drive, but if it’s formal I’ll usually pass.

Hotwater

 

i've been known to make excuses from time to time.

i've pretty much managed to position myself so that i only get as many invitations as i'd like to accept anyway.

 

explosive diarrhea pretty much covers any excuse for anything, ever.
rarely will you get questions.

 

when i dont wanna go, i usually dont show up then say i forgot about it,

its the easiest for me, because i dont have to invent any crazy situation or shit, just it

you know they say if you always tell the truth you dont have to remember anything

 

I'd give you a good reason why this isn't always a great thing to do, but i got a food in the oven... gotta go

 

You had me at weddings, I shake just hearing the word now

"Sorry, I cant attend your special celebration of you love at $20,000 a day cos I have a tooth extraction I was really looking forward to"

 

Eggzakly. Sports is the way to my heart.

 

i use family and social events to get out of work, and work to get out of family and social events

 

I stopped making excuses many years ago. If I don't want to go to something, I decline. If there's an RSVP involved, I respond out of courtesy. If I'm asked in person, I "JUST SAY NO!". I usually thank them for the invite or offer or whatever but I'm honest and if asked "why", (which is RUDE, IMO) I simply tell them that it's something I'm not interested in.

Too many people seem to think that it's rude to say NO to a social invitation if you don't have any other plans. I think that people who think that way are the ones who are RUDE.

A good reason/excuse if you feel you need to give one when you don't want to do something is very easy: "I already have plans". If the issue is pushed, the next response is: "I made a date with myself to stay home that day!".

As for not RSVPing - there's a reason for RSVPs, especially weddings - it's for a head count for catering/seating. There's no excuse for NOT RSVPing - THAT is rude!

Lying is rude. Making excuses is rude. Don't be rude, JUST SAY NO!

Honesty with tact is never rude. More people should try it...

 

You must have the most polite family, friends, and neighbors. The needy nags I know, wouldn`t bat an eye asking me why and insisting to death. It`s exhausting.

Do I really owe them any honesty or consideration?

 

I find that the older i get, the more i get extremely bored at weddings, because weddings are just that, an expensive way of showing off. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy that people are happy, but i don't really get the need to claim "we love each other, come see us all day being lovey-dovey". I simply wonder why couples absolutely want to throw huge parties just to say "we're in love".

Plus, weddings seem to be the ideal situation for crowds to frown upon everyone's personal life...
I'm single and dating, and if i bring a different date at a wedding than the person i was expected to show up with, people will comment. The fact that i'm not married (and don't want to get married), people will comment. If a guest comes with a person of the same gender, people will comment. If a guest is single, people will comment AND try to hook them up with someone else (!!).
Basically a wedding is a social event where people think it's perfectly fine to be judgemental. ..beats me.

^ that's a good point.

 

There's a reason that the word "no" exists...

An invitation is simply that, an INVITATION, not a REQUIREMENT.

Explanations when you decline an invitation are NEVER necessary!

 

Interesting, although I'm not really sure why you don't want to go. Is it that you LIKE solitude, or that you DON'T LIKE social situations? My own curiosities cause me to be social so this isn't a topic I can normally relate to. However, when it comes to "excuses" about anything, I hate them. I'm particularly perceptive, and I know when it's bullshit, and when people aren't accountable I lose patience and respect for them. I think at any time someone needs to be honest, they can also have some remorse for any bad feeling it might cause. So.....combine honesty with a sincere apology.

 

Nope, actually my family (in-laws) are the rudest people I know. I've just learned how to handle them. Yes, they're "needy nags" but I don't owe them (or anyone else for that matter) a REASON WHY I will not be attending something. If it means simply walking away from their insistence for a reason, then I do it or change the subject.

You don't owe anyone anything except respect, even if they don't respect you. There are ways of saying no without being dishonest! You owe it TO YOURSELF to be considerate.

 

weddings are for the insecure.

 

Not a big fan of weddings. If I get married, I don't want it in front of lots of people. Just private.


I do make social excuses. Recently more often than usual.

 

i originally didn't want to have a wedding, but i'm glad that we did. we had around 85 guests - all close friends and family. nothing too fancy - a friend made the cake, our friends' band played the reception, my wife made her own dress. it was nice to have all of the people i care about most all in one place, having fun together. maybe you wedding haters have just only been to shitty weddings?

 

I HATE weddings - actually, I HATE wedding receptions even more. There have been times when I absolutely could not get out of it (like when I've actually been a groomsman or best man). I use to make up excuses, but now I just don't respond to invitations. If I like the person/couple, I buy them a nice gift or send money. But your concern over your solitude is well founded - I don't get asked to as many weddings anymore. I guess I've made it clear to most of the people I know that I'm not a big fan of the decadent extravagance of weddings - in fact it's gotten to the point that I find it tacky. Here you have, in some cases, a young couple, just starting out, and they're going into considerable debt, or having their parents go into considerable debt to have this fairy tale wedding, with all the grossly over priced trappings - getting fleeced left and right by manipulative, greedy boutiquers. And it winds up being a huge stress fest.

The best, classiest, most beautiful and most touching wedding I've ever been to was a complete DIY hippy wedding held outside, in a state park. Two close friends of mine, just out of college and all of our friends put it all together. The bride and her friends made her own wedding dress and it was spectacular - as beautiful as any I've seen (a project they took on shortly after the couple was engaged). The musicians during the wedding ceremony and after during the reception were all friends (including myself). The cake - baked by another friend who bakes (he sells the shit out these incredible cheesecakes that he makes at home and sells at the pub where he tends bar). The cake he made was a work of art. In short, everyone had a task and they put their own money and creativity into it as a gift to this special couple and it was without a doubt the best wedding I've ever attended. There was no drama, it was completely relaxed, laid back, wonderful and DIY.

 

I have a bad tendency to just pretend I'm too busy to even answer the invitation. Lately, though, I've been a lot better about actually going out and socializing. I'm still a pretty bad hermit, but I'm a lot better than I used to be.

 

Well at least the life of a hermit allows you to connect with your inner self

Hotwater

 

i like that point . Although i suppose u could throw a party gathering everyone u love without the wedding theme...