How to discipline my 16 year old daughter?

She is getting involved with a bad group of people and started smoking and maybe doing drugs(not sure on the drug part) ,grades were all d's and f's ,skips school. i asked her to stop a couple of times and she never listens unless i scream. Took away her door, phone, computer and she still hangs out with them. So i took her out of my deed and took away her trust fund(wealthy). she got completely flipped and the next day i went to see how she was doing and saw a bag of marijuana(Did not confront her since she was still sleeping). Couple of minutes later this guy(one of the members of the group) came and threatened me to give her the trust fund back, i shut the door and went to my gun safe and took out my glock and i called the cops
and when the cops came i told them that my daughter sent him and my daughter is doing drugs and i let them take her in and she asked to bail her out but i refused and told her I'm giving her to foster care and she got angry for a second and then cried but i just walked away.

 

oh yeah, i totally believe everything you just wrote. sounds completely true.

 

kick her out


problem solved

 

Damn, bail her out under conditions... That things must change, I'm sure she's so scared right now,,, willing to change, do anything for forgiveness.

 

She sounds like me when I was 16. I rebelled against what I was told to do. Still do. Giving in to someone's orders (even if they are just trying to help) feels like losing. Some people can't be made to listen by "threatening" (like taking things away from them). Some just push themselves farther away on purpose just to make sure the opposing force does not suceed. I'm not sure if she's thinking the same way at all, its just how I feel. No matter what happens, you should let her know you will always be there for her if she needs to talk. Cause if she hits rock bottom and feels like she has no one it will just make things worse. A little bit or reverse psychology might help too. Even if I don't listen to my mother all the time, if she said something that wasn't threatening but just made me think it works more often. It might help stop the feeling like its a "fight to the death" between her and the person telling her what to do.

 

almost all 16 year olds need a good kick in the teeth at one point or another...

Sounds like now is her time.

 

My daughter went south on us around the same time, years ago (she'll be 40 this year, and has a family, with two sons, living near Philly.)

When she began skipping school, hanging out with this "crowd", and doing drugs, and more (I actually found her diary once while searching her room. what a revelation!), I went into full-on parental hypocrite mode. I was suddenly caught trying to keep her from becoming just like me, when I was that age.

Eventually, my wife's parents (mainly her mom) offered to take her out East to live with them. Here in California, the weather is almost always conducive to hanging out on the streets. Back in rural Pennsylvania, it is not so.

So, she went East, lived with her grandparents, quit smoking, joined the local high school track team and the R.O.T.C. (military training in high school), graduated with a scholarship from the U.S.Navy, who sent her to medical school in Pittsburgh. She eventually became a Lieutenant J.G., and a surgical nurse in the Naval Hospital at Camp Pendleton, California. That's where she met her husband, while he was getting surgery on his knee.

Anyway,,it helped, getting her out of the environment, into another one, with better circumstances and more direct supervision. (My wife's a real "softie", and was always warning me not to come down too hard on her, for fear of her just running away. Nevertheless, we still had our face-offs.)

A change is sometimes necessary, if for no other reason than to get her out of the environment.

Ironically, now she's having a problem with her eldest son, still in his early teens, finding marijuana and smoking accessories in his room. She even found a vaporizer, and sent it out here to me, since she knows that in my retirement, I'm using medical marijuana in order to overcome RLS, and related insomnia.

What goes around comes around, as they say.

 

no one without a kid that has turned 16 will understand....i do..i have a badass kid....do not back down...wait for her to come around....i bailed out my son at least a dozen times...i should never have done it even once...

dont back down even if it feels you will lose her...you wont....i would have had buddy beaten to a pulp by my tougher friends that like beating up loudmouth asswipes

 

To go her bail and she won't/can't abide to whatever agreement ya'll reach you will have the option of pulling her bail.

 

just accept her as she is and hug her if she needs one!

 

reward bad behavior and dangerous lifestyle paths with a hug?...tell me how this helps a young lady make wiser choices in life?...cause it wont...what the hell do you do to acknowledge good choices?...a hug?

 

I think it is quite late to change her with other method than heavy kick.
She must understand what to do herself. It will be hard to change her mind.

 

try it your way! for sure it will help! :mickey:

 

Take her out of school, don't let her out of the house, take a leave of absence, and straighten her out. I know....sounds impossible....it nearly is. But she needs major intervention and she probably desperately wants it from you.

 

I'll throw in my 2 cents if the author of this thread ever makes a reply.

 

Girls are not quite human between 12 and 18 sometimes. It's rough--you can't tie them up-you can't make them stay in the house if they don't want to and it's hard to talk to them because they have "everything under control and are much smarter than you are". It's hard to think of letting them "hit bottom" and hoping they'll be OK. I mean shit--she's your little girl. Mine became human again at about 19 or 20. It was difficult. They seem to get out of control slowly enough so that all of a sudden--there you are with a lousy relationship and don't know how it got that bad. Sorry--can't help you ,except with the part about some dick-heads coming around to threaten you. I would take care of that shit in a second. Sounds like you have.

 

well, I can see you're one TOUGH GUY.

so what's your background? what makes you fit to identify your daughter as the problem when you're the one who's coached her to this life stage?

if your daughter feels ripped off by her parenting (which is what her behaviour is saying) well, step up to the plate and take responsibility.

NO ONE gets where they are in isolation!

 

You've raised girls?







I see your point though. But some kids are not controllable.

 

I am around her age but I've been through enough to know right and wrong. You need to understand that us teenager girls are unpredictable and have raging hormones. If my parents left me in a jail cell that would such a reality check for me. I think you should bail her out but you need to sit down with her and have a long talk and improve your relationship and maybe even be a little bit more relaxed about some things but push her on her grades ect. Just try and understand her it will be hard but putting out the effort will probably help.