BottleFED is still alive, LOL

I know since this is a message board and Ive been gone for over 6 months most wont know me. I'm a Chronic Pain Ptient and have been for 3 years. When I started I was living in FL and seeing a very friendly Pain Dr. He started me out on Oxy 30s and the last time I filled from him was 9 months ago for 90 Opana 40s and 180 Oxy 30s. Then I moved to SC and have taken nothing but Subs. I just recently started taking Cymbalta and Adderall, While im not taking a large dose of Adderall i am maxed out on cymbalta which is for anti anxiety and the Adderall is for pep, energy! My opiate use did quite a number on me and I will never take that shit again except for ER extreme pain. I am surely paying the price for it now. I would easily characterize what my use did to me by saying that when I wake every morning, id have to guess its what a 75 yr man would feel like. I lost all motivation to do anything. I wake up everyday and begina day of no activity. The SUBS dont help a bit with it but it does keep it at bay during the day. Ive been on SUBS for about 7 months now and intend on jumping off in August barring any problems. I do know that in order for me to get more subs I would have to drive to FL and I surely am not doing that. Ill get more in depth about jumping off later, hope to some some of the olf timers around! Later.......

 

Good luck and hang in there

 

bottle hang in there..

 

sup man good luck

 

lots of people don't realize what these meds do to you but only do it to get high

 

ya i had no idea what happened to you. how are you liking everything in SC? very glad to hear you are not in any kind of trouble apart from the opiate stuff. also thank ya for posting many people leave and never follow up..

 

didnt recognize you without the monkey....well done..

.you have half the battle won...hang tough

 

Well to be honest, my home computer would not come to Hip Forums, I was thinking I got booted until I was on her on my laptop about 2-3 months ago, at that point I knew my acct was still good but no matter what I did to my home comp, I could not get to Hip Forums. Until today, I went to my favorites list to clean it out, so before I deleted Hip Forums i figured Id give it naother try and Wala, here I am. Dont ask, I have no idea. Anyway, thats my status above so Ill be around a whole lot more and giving people shit as well, I know yall missed that, speacking of , where is my boy Porkchop. Has he been around?

 

Ha How have ya been? I love SC and have been dying to get back (no pun) ever since I left in 1980. I would have been here all along had I been able to get there.

 

whats up BottleFED- I'm also a pain patient too, and was on opiates for the last 5 years. that may not seem that long, but i just turn 24 last month. for the last yeah and a half, i was on 125mcg/hr fentanyl patches every 48hrs, although i never wore them, i always sucked on them- plus i was on oxy IR for b/t pain. anyways, almost 2 months ago, i had enough. these things were ruining my life. lost 3 jobs, od'd and crashed my car, which resulted in me losing my liscence for a year- 1500$ fine- and sent to jail, also lost my last couple of girlfriends because all i really cared about were the drugs. i never realized how much they affected me until i got clean. i did a cold turkey detox at my parents place- which was hell. it took about 3 weeks til i started to even feel better. i dropped 20lbs in two weeks cause i couldn't eat and i was constantly puking and shitting. but i've got about 50 days clean now, and mentally i feel awesome. im still trying to cope with chronic pain, but i really don't wanna get back on those drugs. i love the feeling opiates give me- but they controlled my life.

wishin ya the best of luck buddy.

 

good job. subs are a life saver for me. i have bad depression and anxity it helps with that. keep up the good work. welcome back too.

 

WOW Bluez, thats great news man. Of course a year-1 1/2 ago when we were on that other site, I didnt see any of us quitting, but I'll tell ya, it took its toll big time. Cold turkey from where you were, that must have been brutal. But Ive always been the believer of "To truely quit, feeling full withdrawals is the only way to quit, No Pain No Gain"! So you havent felt any of the mental stuff, at least not yet? Wish ya the best bro, most people couldn't do what you did!

 

Thanks Stoner!

 

Good to hear what you have been up to. I was certainly wondering and when you started posting last week, I was confused as I thought you were still on the old OC regimen. It all makes sense to me now.

One question, though: In the past (maybe 1.5 years ago), when you tried Subs the first time (presumably), you told me and the other forumers of then that it made you "aggressive" and "angry". Did this happen this time? I know I mentioned to you that it happened to me but went away after like week 3. Is this what happened to you?

As for going off by August, that is easily do-able. In fact, the other day I was contemplating my own situation and thought of my whole medication regimen and was thinking of what "could go" and what "had to stay". Honestly, Suboxone isn't a NECESSARY part of my current regimen, so I was considering trying to go off at some point (perhaps 6 months from now or more...) to save some money and to have more energy.

 

thanks man. yeah im glad i got through it.

in regards to the mental part, i guess i can't say i don't crave them at all. i do miss that warm feeling, and i have my bad days where i wish i had something for the pain, but i just try and think of the way i was before. i've also been researching ways to increase Dopamine levels in the brain to make me feel happier while sober, cause my body is still use to having floods of Dopamine when i got high, so it limited its natural production.

bananas contain Tyrosine, which converts into L-Dopa, then finally converts into Dopamine. Also, anything high in protein is good to increase Dopamine. And theres also a supplement you can take called St. Johns Wort, which is also suppose to increase Dopamine levels.

time to get high on life!

 

I hear ya brother, glad to heres its working for you, I hope to be off everything come august and well we will see after that, but Im determined to close the chapter of my li9fe and opiates and start a new one!

 

Sorry ETK wasn't ignoring u brother i seriously didnt see your post and u were one of the guys I had hoped would still be here. Yes, I remember exactly what you are referring to. I did blame the subs on my anger issues and ended up just going back to Opiates. That honestly didn't solve any of the anger, I just think that a combination of me wanting the Subs to be the problem and not having any stressfull issues immediantly after I quit them made me think that the Subs were the culprit but that was not the case. Since I started cybalta i rarely ever get to the point of getting angry over the stupid shit anymore and its been a great med for me!

 

Good to hear BottleFED! It is funny how we can trick ourselves into blaming certain things for our negative emotions. I have been working on not doing that myself lately.

I truly wish you the best in getting back to a normal, non-doped-up, life. I will be along with you for the journey. I still have not set a "date" for termination of the Subs, but I suspect it would probably be within the next two years. I know it sounds rather crazy, but I am very seriously considering becoming a Catholic Priest.

Before my mental illness, I had pretty much decided for sure that I was going to become one, then my life changed. But in the past year or so, I have come to a more mature understanding of "God" which is more based on Mathematics and Physics than the Bible. So there is actually a good chance I will be enrolled at the Seminary this Fall. I want to go on from there to get a Doctorate in Canon Law and then hopefully move up the Hierarchy at some point.

 

etkearne when are you going to have a go at lucy?

Also, excuse my ignorance, but subs = subutex?

 

In etk's case subs=Suboxone.